hello ,i got ocd,seldom post

Very nice to hear from you, a post once in a while or even daily can be very uplifting. Only do what you can x

Welcome
 

If I may
I err to the side of order
Everything has a home
The hangers that hang in the closet aren’t measured by a ruler as I can eyeball pretty
The dirty laundry gets a quick fold befor it goes into the hamper
Having four grown children
Adults
And a grandchild six I have custody of since an infant
Of them all my son and my granddaughter have OCD
my neurosurgeon did not address this disorder
As a result I did not fuse after my first ACDF 5/6-6/7
And second surgery botched took my life as I I had it
Changed forevermore
In hindsight I went back to work two weeks after surgery
There I failed myself
Never imposing my disease upon my children
I at a very young age still single digit number in age
I knew something was different about me
I’m now in the later age in my fifties
It is still very much alive in my life
And found s way that “it” is under watch

It is something I welcome
It is the way I get things accomplished
There have been two Jones I worked in my lifetime
One a display company that still uses my orderly method
And a file folder company and they too still use my orderly method for their company

You would laugh if I told you the process of me brushing my teeth

My friends amazed at my methods

My family allowing me the freedom of my disease that helps on many levels

I divorced at 24 with babies to raise
Something I did with my OCD

The one terrible thing with my OCD and when I suffered severe PMS is when I needed to be left alone
Many years
My children amazed how I new if something was moved just a smig

I have learned to use it as a tool
A very important one
And not to impose it upon anyone
I have a problem with uneven numbers
Yet as a designer know it is in the odd numbers of design foes it work
So that just a taste of my disease

I come here today
In a mild depressed way
Having no control over anyone in my life
I now speak of my troubled babies
A difficult road they all are traveling
And here I find comfort
And love that helps this soul
And I too want to give back
With my experience strength and Hope
Welcome
Love
Me

DB has OCD - odd numbers, can't cope, to volume has to be on an even number. We get bye, we adjust to one another quirks, it's what people who function do. Mine is less than it used to be, but I'm working on it. :hug: I can't bear things out of place, having to suck it up now. Home from hospital, can't even bend over to pick something off of the ground, tried a towel ten minutes ago - it had slipped off the rail, forgetting my strict orders. Very quickly my back spoke up. Have gone to bed, so tired, not sure I can do all this, this time round. Just too tired. Things will fall back & slide, nothing I can do, nothing....

Hang in there Eva, hold on :hug::hug:

Depression kicked in
 

This is one emotion I could do without
It is overpowering
And I so as Heavenly Father to hold me tight
Until this to shall pass
I have been on a roll
Doing doing doing
It is not easy
Never has been
But this feeling of depression has got to find another home
I’m so done with it
So done
It’s burdensome
It’s strangling me
I so tied of it
Let it be gone already
Let it be gone
Me

Still hanging on
 

Pressure not doing well
Have doctors to go to
My mother in the hospital with a pneumonia
She never had a problem with inconstance
Bed wet in the morning
And my sister happened to be staying there
Was incoherent paramedics screwed up big time
Sister wanted to take her to her doctor yesterday as she wasn’t feeling well had no room for her
This must be reported
What is wrong with the medical world
Is it truly just about the MONEY
I’m sick
And trust nobody
She had a fever when my sister took her to the bathroom
And she voided again
Unlike her
And I’m crying for her
She will never know
So tired of it all
But have no choice but to hang on
I’m feeling off
My heart acting up
I know I need to have a necular stress test
But have so many other doctors to see
I lost
Just lost
Me

Still hanging on
 

Pressure not doing well
Have doctors to go to
My mother in the hospital with a pneumonia
She never had a problem with inconstance
Bed wet in the morning
And my sister happened to be staying there
Was incoherent paramedics screwed up big time
Sister wanted to take her to her doctor yesterday as she wasn’t feeling well had no room for her
This must be reported
What is wrong with the medical world
Is it truly just about the MONEY
I’m sick
And trust nobody
She had a fever when my sister took her to the bathroom
And she voided again
Unlike her
And I’m crying for her
She will never know
So tired of it all
But have no choice but to hang on
I’m feeling off
My heart acting up
I know I need to have a necular stress test
But have so many other doctors to see
I lost
Just lost
Me

I am sick of hearing
 

From the mother how she know how overwhelming it is
She has no clue what it takes to be a mother
Today o had to take Eva to the dentist
Make decisions not to put her to sleep as her gag reflex is bad
So we have to go back in a few weeks and apply something over them to stop decay
She has the nerve to say I know
She knows nothing
It took hours to fill out paperwork
And then calm her as she had her teeth taken care of
Came home
Fed her
Did homework
What does she know
Call DYFS
GIVE ME A BREAK
I AM SO DONE WITH MY KIDS
DONE
MY PRIORITY IS EVA AND ME

I feel like crap for some time now
 

Come to find out that the flu shots given
Knowingly are doing more harm than good
Including and most importantly inflammation
And causing heart problems
Hearing this just blew my lid
My mother in the hospital just had her flu shot three weeks ago
I do not trust
Obama knowingly knew this
Remember
INFLAMMATION
THE FIRST SIGN SOMETHING IS WRONG
all about getting us sick
IN THE NAME OF MONEY
I began getting the flu shot about five years ago as I am getting older and in this large 300 unit building
Many sick people in this building
I began to wonder
I always believed in preventative health care
NOT ANYMORE
WITH EVEYTHING THAT HAS GONE WRONG KNOWINGLY
I have zero trust in the health care system
ZERO
WHAT TO DO NOW
holistic care is comprised with all the chemicals laced on them
I have Eva
And I have no doubt my depression is environmental
Situational some my spirituality in check
So angry about so many things
To find out what happened on the tarmac is true infuriates me
The corruption is incredible
Horrific
Just horrific
Me

It’s in my gut
 

What a horrible feeling
Trying so hard
So hard
Letting go
Is so hard
Not something I want to do
But I must
Me