The video has gone viral, was on the news here as well. How cruel this world has become and then you see the light behind those who have the will and desire to help, this young man will be lifted up, his tears of sorrow I hope turn one day to joy. May he be blessed. Xxx

The spirit of ones soul
The kind ness that comes from
Those who look for no recognition
What makes one think it’s okay to trample on ones thunder
To strip them of who they were meant to become
How dare their be parents who do not see
That children are little human beings
That they are truly the future of this world
How is it that a certain gender gets away with taking from a child
What no child should ever have to live
And all my children raised without their father in their life
And to be perfectly honest
They aren’t anything
Anything to brag about
Horrible fathers
Horrible
I think would have done more harm than good
Showing their true colors when they couldn’t have me for themselves anymore
And they suffered the consequences
If I should have chosen them again
I would do what I did again all over
Hard to understand where I’m coming from
Trust me it’s way deep
Since I can remember things when I was two
I was able to tell a story
And my mother tells me how young I was and I was able to tell her things in detail
She was raped by my father
And me and my sister were in the room
Now
I’m not doing the poor me thing
But having to live through this horrible feeling and know it come from deep disparity
The pain of yearning to have a relationship with a mother who just told her third child she was to be aborted
Go figure
And as the years go by
I see my purpose
And I can say I have done all that I could possibly do to try and protect them
Only I couldn’t protect them from everything
Not everything
And they suffer gravely for their choices
Baffled I am
As I tell them
If I have to pull through
So do you
That’s my answer to them
They have no clue how far I have gone to try and protect them
All I ask is to be respectful for they are hurting the one person who never abandon them
In every decision I have made in my life
Revolves around my children
So I’m baffled
At where they are in life
Is mental disease so strong
Having to watch my kids go through the choice they make
And I think to myself
When I was younger
Why I did the things I did
I consider myself a wise smart intriguing individual and told I am beautiful
Something I do not see as looks are not what I look for in a being
Sure I appreciate beauty
But I think I’m understood
Where does on get off and think it’s okay to crush ones dreams
Dreams
Oh the dreams
Some I made reality
All successful and short lived
Jeez the books I could write

Then I wonder to myself
My broken body isn’t my concern anymore
It is my serenity
My happiness
My mind
To have a happy healthy mind
And it is a work all my life in progress

There are boogy men in the world
Some of them could be a family member
Always listen to the children
Listen
They are little people
Have a mind that works on overload
They want live and consistency
To never be abandoned
Ever
Never did I walk away from my children
I’m so tired of the blame game
Yes I accept and am deeply sorry if I stripped you my children of anything you should have gone through just for the lesson no matter how much it would hurt

Our experience as we grow into adulthood
Into early senior life
I make them understand
I didn’t get to where I am without time
Time can be a good tool for us who want to flourish into someone you begin to like
This is my journey
I don’t know why
But I have Faith and Trust in You Jesus Christ
Who died for me and you
Thank you Heavenly Father for what I am to receive in my day
In your name as I see clearly you are in front of me
May this depressed feeling leave my mind and body
In your name
Amen
Bless this world
Amen

Mom I haven’t eaten
Can you make me something to eat
Made her two peanut butter sandwiches
Applesauce Mac and cheese
I am just heart broken
How goes one to Heavenly Father when their children won’t tske care of themselves
How
How
How
Me


And I just want to shake the s**t out of her
How did it get like this
Oh sweet Jesus
What a sad hard place to watch
Holding her loving her how am I suppose to be okay with this
Enable many would think and say
Others would understand
I just am heartbroken what could happen
She just has to do do do
And pray
Pray
Heavenly Father
Take care of her
Take care of her

Not what I want to be feeling right now
But this is what’s going on
It is not okay
Is this how it ends
How can this be okay
She is 33 and fallen into the abyss
She is not doing well
Mentally she is burnt
She needs love
And she doesn’t feel it from me because I don’t want to enable
But all I want to do is hold her
And never let go
It’s painful watching them not do as well as they should
I’m scared for them
May the world treat them with love
May they find you in front back side to side
May they be protected with your promises
Oh Heavenly Father make them who they are to be
Will call her and see how she is

What happened to all of us
We were little a long time ago
And are these giant grownup that have no clue
We go through the motions of our daily routine
What happened to all the hopes and dreams
What happened to the spirit of Christ and his birth
Did we forget Emanuel

What is in the spirit of the Christmas holidays
For me
Family
To want to be in each otherÂ’s company
To WANT to be in otherÂ’s company
It is here we IÂ’ll be a family
We have each other that will have a part they have in this family
A seat in their role as when they were born

My fathers bitrhday it will be in another day
ItÂ’s been 47 years since we had him live in our company
CanÂ’t help but wonder what happened
Why did he go
So many unexplained questions that surface at certain times of the year
My youngest all in her glory soon to be twenty
Not a clue yet about where she is headed
It b
Needs to start
ThatÂ’s all there is to that
Start somewhere
School a part time job
Driving lessons
I am so happy she is home
Doing so much better health wise
She hasnÂ’t gotten a uti or any problems in that neck of the woods
I have been holding on
Giving her the time and it is here
She has a deadbeat father
Does not a thing to help her in the proper way
And it can be done
It is a difficult thing to have to deal with but know I will not give up on her
She will find her way
And it starts with the support of ones family
To have your family as your cheerleader
She can do it
And will do it
I have hope that she will see
There comes a time when I canÂ’t do it alone
It is s very trrrible place
And to watch your children not know how to lay s bill
Or what it means when abody is feverish I have a way
And with Eva here what better time to teach her as she said she would take care of her if my time come
So just reality
And it is tough
Very tough
Just to put someone else before self
It isnÂ’t easy but so can be done
I have hope I can help as she the one who had to go through the time her sister got high and they took the baby away
She is still going through those feelings
As it is a job to take care of another that is small and grows in ones care everyday
The people she is dependent on
I just want to cry
It hurts so badly
She is such a fun kid so smart
Still not exposed to the outside world other then the kids in school
And thatÂ’s not cool
ThatÂ’s not what it was like when my kids were in school
ItÂ’s my limitation
And then a family that is scattered
Terrible that mom and dad not allowed without sipervuson
Where is the other grandmother
They live with her
Andbin the same time
Eva is reserved not to want to be there
She doesnÂ’t like it
I never ever speak or ask what itÂ’s like when she is there
I hoped it was fun
Only to find out differently
I am so torn up
Into a thousand pieces
Never to be put together again
The pieces wouldnÂ’t fit
It would have changed
What can I say
I wish nothing but happiness for my family
Let the time together mean something
And notbe unhealthy
Let it be a good feel
Let it have a good feel
Please let the year strengthen them not to ever give up or give in
You sll matter all
Injesus name
Amen

Took himself out at 47

That yucky feeling one just wants to go back to sleep
Blank what is wrong
What is wrong
Having a horrible time not wanting to feel
Just want it to pass
Waiting waiting waiting
For what I say to myself
What do I have to wait for
The sadness to pass
It got me good
I want it gone
Be gone
Right
If it were that easy
Be gone
I really think I am affected by the weather
It’s been like this since I got sick
8 years ago
8 years of my life
Taken me under
It stinks
Stinks so badly
Don’t know what to do with it
I can’t take it anymore
I don’t want it anymore
I want it gone
Forever gone
It grabs me and won’t let go
I don’t want to feel anymore
I want not to feel anymore
I have to work so hard to make this all find another home
It can’t stay with me
I can’t keep this up
I don’t want to keep it up
I am not where I want to be
I am not productive like I would like
I have this hole in my gut
It seems never to want to heal
Never close
I have no time to struggle with this anymore
It seems to be enough already
Like I’m whining and I’m not
It is rotting foul and has no room in my life
So with all my might
I ask that this leave as it came never to return
Find another place to go
No me
Not now
Not
Ever
In Jesus name
Amen

Eva, when I lived in London, many people in the winter period used a sun lamp, it wasn’t a tanning lamp, it was specifically devised to be a lamp that offered the benefit of an equivalent to sunlight. They would sit under the lamp every night and swear to me it made a difference. Here is the link to an article only written in August this year. How to Use Sunlamps for Depression | LIVESTRONG.COM

I donÂ’t understand how another feel good when seeing another in utter pain
Of all kinds
It all comes in waves
And I am the problem
Having this mind this body
I am responsible for
And I get to a point I donÂ’t want it anymore
The effort isnÂ’t effortless
It is hard
When in my day all I keep telling myself I will get through this
It will be over soon
ThatÂ’s what I keep playing over and over and over
And it just keeps coming and coming and coming
Having my precious granddaughter
Doing it all over again
And for both father and mother no clue how I am now in the worse financial rut IÂ’ve ever been
They put me there
They did
And my daughter doesnÂ’t seem to understand
I spent the last I had for my grandchild made her a special
backpack for her
I donÂ’t know how to post the pictures without the help from Corissa and she just doesnÂ’t care
Point
Straight aÂ’s made honor roll
How does one not see the love she has for learning
And she is rewarded with the understanding that it is all about feeling good about oneself
To be able to understand and the love of reading and how it is another world when one has a love of reading
How can two parents to this child ever know
Me
Getting her ready
And after Eva having the flu
At the end of it
She had an outbreak on her lip
ItÂ’s painful
Something she was born with via transmitted via mom before born
So if itÂ’s an all out outbreak
It will take two weeks to pass
Poopy
Very poopy

How can my child say
The only people who speak of God
Is because Heavenly Father is the only one left one has in their lives
How do I tell her it is not him who seeks me
But I he

There was a man who walk this earth
Hung on the cross for you and me
I don’t care I some think Jesus was nuts
He was real
That he made promises left for us
I would run to him if I saw him
But I seek him
I want the comfort of the promises
They are real
To many things happened in my life to say there isn’t a God

How do I tell my child it is by his grace every single day as o turn to him to give me the strength to go through another day with some joy
Why am I here
I don’t know
But I have a life of the spirit that I can tap into every single morning
It is so difficult to just make it through a day
I have no desire strength but I am sure
It will come
Something will jar me

How do I tell my child it is in
AA that I was saved
Saved in the spiritual journey that happens when one can see the light
And not pick up a drink
It is my choice of drug
And it is only because of a community filled with the spirit of God
That I be free
For the day I take one pill for anything other than what it is for
Is the day I put my meds I have become a slave to as pain has riddled this broken body
Is the day I pick up a drink
It is in the first three drinks as I remember it that gave me that feeling of everything will be okay
And then one sobers up
And then to repeat the cycle
To kill the pain of living life unhappy
To have family wants that alcoholic around to blame
As young as I was tasting my first drink and how it made me feel
And it grew and grew and grew
I thank God
Hi my child
Everyday for my love of sobering experience strength and hope for the future I will pray for you and hope that you see things differently and find God in your life

Raising them with a belief system
To say that Jesus Christ never walked this earth is where it all comes together
He lives
My I have hope for all of us
Me