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03-21-2018, 06:50 AM | #711 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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[QUOTE=ger715;1260554]Eva,
Not sure how I would manage without my Faith in God. When I was pre-teen girl; my mother worked nights; parents separated a few times before the last time when I was 11, my Dad left. My Dad stayed in my life. I was often left alone with my who is brother is 3 1/2 yrs. older than me. He was very temperamental; and still is (Never married all he has is my 3 children who look after him since my mother died in 2002). The Church was only a block from our apartment and was open 24 hrs daily with the Blessed Sacrament exposed. I would go many nights by myself and just sit in Church.....That really helped me since I was fairly depressed even as a child...... Today, I feel those years have instilled the desire and faith I have. I go to church weekly. There are many chapels next to Churches that are now having the Blessed Sacrament exposed 24 hrs. Will drop in for a time now and again just to sit there. Of course talk to Him; but often just quiet so I can listen to God. It is so calming. I know you are a woman of deep faith. Maybe you and little Eva might just drop in and sit for a while. Feel the calm knowing you are in His presence and really not alone. You and your family are in my daily prayers.. Gerry[/QU Hopping this message finds you well And too thank you for the suggestion It be the place of calm Love Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (03-23-2018) |
03-25-2018, 07:35 AM | #712 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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In my own world I live
Having so many I think of Some not with us anymore Trying to get my life in order With situation on top of situations Never forgotten Hoping all have gotten better as so much time has go by I am not to ever be self absorbed Have good thoughts to you all In my own life that dark cloud just doesnÂ’t seem to lift Fighting through it to find the sun Asking Heavenly Father for a miracle Is the last thing I ask To wake I must give thanks Put my depression to the side and replace it with the promises Meditate in my belief To trust and have faith and hope My child who I raised no help from her father In fact the core of her tornado stems from no true structure As he never lifted her in a proper manner Giving her a solid foundation so it was my job to introduce a Heavenly way The only way to submit ones self To the Father and listen to be thankful for another day because it be the answer always Disappointed again as she took flight into another home and a mother who took interest in my child and had her do what I would and did when her daughter. Was in my home Day two waiting waiting and not a word Three oÂ’clock came and left a long time ago Something is wrong And thatÂ’s just what I feel I contact the mother And find manipulation already in the work She knows the rules and ignores me She shows me she just doesnÂ’t care And itÂ’s me I have to find the strength serenity to stay strong and not allow My child to use me But rather listen to me Having to put herself in a position that she must face the music I will never lie for her Pray we come together as one And for my grand baby see that Heavenly Father comes first and all else will follow I am physically sick Asking Heavenly Father for several miracles only he can grant To all those I have connected with You all know who you are Forgotten you are not And pray that all is getting better as time goes by That happiness is in you heart and mind I will be doing what I do ever single day Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (04-04-2018), PamelaJune (03-26-2018) |
03-31-2018, 06:27 PM | #713 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Apart
And I’m left holding the bag It has all come to light If going to fight Let the truth be the only reason. Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (04-04-2018), PamelaJune (04-01-2018) |
04-01-2018, 09:58 AM | #714 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Never in my wildest imagination would I have believed all that is forgotten
Not to mention that the decision I have made were always about the welfare of the children I have been left to care for Now I have a grandchild I cannot walk away from Yesterday’s enlightenment was disturbing to say the least I wanted to leave Take nothing but my clothes and important papers Never to return But I couldn’t I can’t walk away from my granddaughter I am her everything It is my children I want to walk away from Never to return To have done all I could just wasn’t enough The threats and lies shocked to make the decision to leave Walk away from them I so wanted to And I just couldn’t abandon my granddaughter She isn’t old enough yet I know who I am And know where I want be Having to ask Heavenly Father to carry me through this most difficult time ever I don’t want to get specific But it was enough to say enough I have reached my threshold with my family I have no regrets no desire to want to be in my children’s lives It isn’t worth the pain and price of all the pain they inflict So I will do my very best to concentrate on my body so I can raise my granddaughter and hope she can get it Time is never going to stop And I await my time to go home Until then I am not doing anything anymore it’s not worth the pain Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (04-04-2018), PamelaJune (04-01-2018) |
04-01-2018, 12:51 PM | #715 | |||
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Senior Member
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Sending you love and prayers.
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Enemies ..... Don't see them as bad. See them as broken. |
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04-13-2018, 05:25 AM | #716 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Things are how they still continue to be
I have cut ties with all And they just don’t get it Calling off the hook Blocked they all are My next venture is finding out why my hands and feet are doing what I have already expressed Well my new vascular doctor Sending me for what is called Venous Duplex Scan Bilateral Upon a guess He thinks it may It may have something to do with my breast cancer Having been put on tamoxifen it shutting down my estrogen The progesterone causes the veins and arteries to dilate I have to have my annual bilateral ultrasound My entire upper right back and lower back is so debilitating And I try so hard to keep up with the world My obgyn doctor says Eva you look so good What’s going on I just broke down and cried This from a woman who played volleyball in the sand barefoot Oh how I miss them days Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (04-13-2018) |
04-14-2018, 07:26 AM | #717 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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It is just taking it one day at a time
My mental state although fluctuates throughout the day I look to my Father for strength the strength needed to be calm Never do I want to be in that place anymore And I am struggling with not taking my will back as far as that is concerned It is by the grace and love I have to stay sober And as I do it be now two and a half decades I find it more difficult keeping my word to myself enough already They to are like an addiction On it put me in a depressive state It is that I fight every single day Just one day at a time One situation at a time My last child who I just do not know anymore And do not know what happened to her As I did my very best And she still at twenty does absolutely nothing to help herself She know she needs some help and guidance I haven’t failed in that department In fact she thinks she can come and go without bringing ANYTHING TO THE TABLE she the one who wants that mommy back before I got this ill Yet she won’t lift a finger to help in anyway Every time we are out and go into establishments At the register I ask are you hiring She is going to night school something that is at the top of the list of things to do And I’m not even sure she is there when she leaves the house Yesterday I needed help with two loads of laundry Never to be done She said tomorrow Well tomorrow is here Taking flight as she got out of the car after picking up my grandchild from school Is it their gift as recognized and in school for the gifted mean anything And never to finish school I must let go Go of the entitlement she demonstrates Asks for toothpaste soap pads feed her and still dip into Eva’s snacks for school Never denying my child of anything Never did she return home after taking flight And left with this angel Having a difficult night as I explains the pain I experience now all over this beautiful body Gifted I too am Pushing through all that Heavenly Father allows to come into my life on a daily basis I choose to take it and push back I have my fears worried that this child of mine will not understand the road she is on I ask Heavenly Father please give me the strength to call it as it is No sugar coating it It is real It is killing me and my granddaughter has to be priority now As she needs me to guide her teaching her She is so smart And her aunts and uncles nowhere to be in her life Shame on them A lovely child and a pleasure in everyway I am her everything Today she goes to visit her parents to be supervised by the other grandmother On Easter Sunday I gave them the opportunity to take her to be supervised by the other grandmother I found out upon her return she asked to call me As she said before leaving with them “Mimma can I call you when I am out? Of course I told her, I will be waiting for your call “ Her mother told her I was sleeping But even more importantly the grandmother left while at the park And was left with two unstable parents for most of the day This cannot happen as the courts specifically said that I could be held responsible for such behavior I am not ever going to allow that to ever happen again In addition to that Eva was to by her father she is like Pinocchio That she lies like him and her nose will grow I was furious Told them to knock it off In this home the teaching of lies is understood And she lives to be that one who can freely talk the truth Can you imagine At seven to continue to teach her to lie Never going to happen So this be a very interesting day She already is worried she will not be able to call me I told her to let them know if they don’t they won’t have the chance to see her anymore And that I won’t be sleeping So if she wants to call me I am home This is what I mean when I say the mental challenges I am faced with So I have prayed meditated and while she is gone will try and do a few projects around the house As for my twenty year old Who knows To be continued Hoping my depression will be lifted Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (04-15-2018) |
04-14-2018, 08:27 PM | #718 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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As my granddaughter comes home crying
I’m told how horrible it was hearing her father say He wishes my daughter dies And to his mother who was supervising this to kick her out She never wants to see her father again Her wish granted He’s a mad man Something terribly wrong And to tell my granddaughter not to tell me what transpired How dare he How much mor Heavenly Father How much more My daughter calling how she doesn’t know what to do I told her get the hell away from him Didn’t want to hear it I’m just broken about it all Broken Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (04-16-2018), PamelaJune (04-15-2018) |
04-16-2018, 10:31 PM | #719 | ||
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Magnate
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Eva,
Have you been able to attend any AA meetings lately? I remember your mentioning a home base a while back. Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (04-17-2018) |
04-17-2018, 08:19 PM | #720 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
Hope this message finds you well It has been a while However I still keep in close contact to very important group members I have been with since the very beginning I do so miss my Sunday morning meetings I made a meeting everyday Sometimes two on certain days So to answer your question No It has been very difficult to sit for that long But as the weather gets warmer I hope to get some rides to my favorite one Thanks for asking
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (04-17-2018) |
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