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08-14-2018, 12:55 PM | #731 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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My body slowly rotting
Just so many things gone wrong I remember it like yesterday Thinking I had a stiff neck From that moment on the list of troubles are to many to handle I wake meditate take my meds put one aching foot in front of the other night comes and pray Not even in sleep can I not feel pain Just one moment by moment She is what give me purpose Having to get her ready for second grade A special little girl for certain she is in my life for a reason I am her everything I cannot believe how much time has passed since joining Wishing all the very best Me
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09-12-2018, 05:54 AM | #732 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Having a body that continues to fail
Is very discouraging But it is what it is A doctor today And five more in the nest nine days It just never ends Then to tend to the everyday things in life that makes is go round Constant interruptions by parents who still are so ungrateful I have come to understand I must treat my children as if they were a drug How sad is that And with Heavenly Father holding my hand And the beat goes on Eva is a happy seven year old Her mother again disrupting her life And I must do what I’d rather not In Jesus I trust Oh how I just don’t want to feel Hoping all are well Me
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09-14-2018, 10:16 PM | #733 | ||
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Magnate
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Eva,
In spite of everything; little Eva still is a happy 7 year old. Your trust in Jesus along with the Heavenly Father holding your hand will keep you and her in His care. Do you still have the picture of my painting of the Divine Mercy, which I emailed to you a few years ago, with the inscription "Jesus I Trust in You"? Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (09-15-2018), PamelaJune (09-15-2018) |
09-15-2018, 03:41 PM | #734 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
Yes I do Thank you for it And thank you for remembering The few thing I can reflect on Never alone It is sad that so much pain has a hold on this tiny family How everything is not just minor They are very difficult problems And knowing I must pray that they find him sooner than later To have the worst fears come true would be terrible And my body has begun to reject all the stress of the worry loosing them Eva is a happy child I wonder having raised Corissa along with my older children from my marriage Will she too get to that point in life when she runs to me in frustration I have knowledge to offer nothing but precious knowledge May they use it and apply it as I only speak of experience I will always be mommy And to Eva that is what I have been to her Never to take that from her mother However my daughter still isn’t doing what she must and put ther father before Eva I have to make the decision of adopting her It is all so much to deal with Again my daughter has begun to act out on me And I turn the phone off I do not speak with her And Eva doesn’t want to pick up the phone and speak to her Orr the father But I leave the machine on so she could leave a message Thanks for your input Take care
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09-18-2018, 01:30 PM | #735 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Was at cardiologist
Told yo ho to the hospital Couldn’t Nobody to care for Eva Till I have my baby sister to care for her Will then and only then can I have it done I’m so sad how all is May I hold till I get to go to the hospital So done With this family Just so done So much to talk about Just to tired Me
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09-20-2018, 04:41 AM | #736 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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To the only child capable to care for Eva while I have the procedure done
No response Blood isn’t thicker than water What she did say is in time her time She will take me and Eva from here She has no clue My baby sister will make arrangements to care for her She is doing so well I her everything Her bff on hold for now The day will come Oh how I pray all will be settled when that day will come Cannot stop my heart from doing what it’s doing It makes me feel so helpless on so many levels Slowly I rot Ever so slowly Yet I have hope That one day I won’t feel Me
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09-21-2018, 04:53 AM | #737 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Spent in the oncologist appointment
So sick and tired of all the doctors So many still ahead Tests Blood work So sick and tired My body rotting quicker than I’d like And still practice preventive health care Since the age 49 my life has changed forever Having to retire from the love of work and grown ups Not that my precious grandchild isn’t priority As it is My adult children more than less addicts And my granddaughter lives in fear that her parents want to take her A gifted child since born recognized in kindergarten High honors since her start in school I’m her everything Her bff Titti left for a girl w Failed spins surgery to Neuropathy Fibromyalgia Breast removal cancer estrogen driven Implants that are deflating Raynaud secondary finally the vascular dr has the answers to what’s going on with my hands and feet And finally atrial fibrillation And awaiting to schedule for a ablation as nothing seems to make my heart go back to NSR. (Normal sinus rhythm) 3D&C vaginal bleed my period stopped at 50 MTHFR dna mutation positive for teens variants ALL THIS SINC THE AGE 49 Never in a million years would I have imagined my children would be where they are in life and not do anything about it There have been many times I thought of picking up a drink lately but that would never be a option I worked to hard for my sobriety And even though I know how that first three drinks would numb this body it will never happen But for my children not to do what they must They are all doing it THEIR WAY We who live sober living knows what that means So I have to now treat my children like a drug or a drink Sad It make me very sad
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09-24-2018, 12:31 AM | #738 | ||
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Magnate
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Eva,
It's a lot to deal with. Making even heavier is as you put it; "treating your children as or drug or a drink". They, as well as you, are in my daily prayers. You mentioned your breast cancer had been Estrogen driven. Are you on Taxmoxifen (premenopausal) or Arimidex (post menopausal) which are both to treat Estrogen driven meds to be taken daily as a preventative for recurrence of estrogen driven cancer? These are usually taken for 5 to 10 years. I have been on the Arimidex for the past 4 1/2 months. Dealing with many side effects; which deal with leg, feet pain and swelling, bone pain/joint pain, as well as fatigue and weakness and muscle pain which are just a few of the side effects. This can add to pain already dealing with; neuropathy, etc. You can take well deserved credit for little Eva doing so well. Gerry |
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09-26-2018, 05:08 AM | #739 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
Hoping this finds you well To answer your question about the estrogen drug I have been on tamoxifen since January 2012 and was taken off of it almost a year now because the now diagnosed Raynaud secondary I was on it faithfully for all that time Just was at the oncologist this past Friday Spoke about having the ablation and having the implant surgery My body is all over the place since stopping the tamoxifen The estrogen in my body is at work I on my teamage years never suffered acne Not do I now but every once in a while I’ll get a pimple on my face have one on my chin as I write you But a indication my body at work And yes I to suffered the same as you It is a poopy thing having neuropathy and or fibromyalgia The list goes on It’s so tiring Gerry I hold on to Christ Jesus and pray and thank him I know he didn’t bring me this far to fall Was stuck in some real downpours yesterday Having to take Eva to the dentist only to be referred to yet another dentist Her first experience was so traumatic and doctors I find have few if any compassion towards children who had been exposed to the brutish manner They are little people Why can’t grown ups see this What wrong with them My experience so far is like a assembly line of robots It sickens me And to explain this to her mom would just be horrible and she wouldn’t understand Anyhow you continue to take your meds as prescribed Same time everyday Be careful what you eat or drink for that matter Such as soy anything that promotes estrogen sugar a big time no no As the tamoxifen shuts down the overuse from feeding the body of this hormone I have come to learn that there is a abundance of us who have this type of cancer And have a gut feeling the foods we eat has much to do with our condition Hoping the plastic surgeon will fix them accordingly Left side has what is called a “double bubble” And the right is deflating Just my luck Thanks for your concern Corissa Weinstein’s me yesterday “Mommy are you okay” What was I going to write back but the truth Not a response yet I will do all I have to to keep this body going with the help from my baby sister Much love and prayers for you and yours Me
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10-10-2018, 04:29 AM | #740 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Weinstein’s don’t know where that or how that got on
Another day Up so early just thinking of everything Hearing from Corissa and had words I would rather have not But we did I’ve been lied to and packed with it I must not depend on her return as it will not happen in the near future Her contacting me and in the context was just for self gratification And that pains my soul Having to let go and let Heavenly Father is what I must do As difficult as it is I must Letting go is oh so difficult But I know it’s the right thing to do Leaving it all in Heavenly Fathers hands Trusting him in all he has in the future for me and my granddaughter May I always remember to than him for all he provides us with Given exactly what I need in my day Sad and frightened I shouldn’t be I’m only human and have motherly worries This too I must leave behind Never did I ever imagine my children would not see the help that I need As I make it look so easy It isn’t And I will not beg like a dog for treats Speaking of animals I so mis my dog So miss him But life hasn’t gotten easier In fact I have come to understand I have gone through all I have just to give it away I am a messenger for Heavenly Father He did not bring me this far for it to end at my own hands May I never forget that It hurts Is sad But I must treat them all like a drink or drug Maybe one day it will be understood I pray my boy is doing well Looking forward to the next chapter in our lives together This will be the first year during holidays I will not spend with my children And I will move on with Eva But by the grace of Heavenly Father I so don’t want to feel anything Me
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