Eva,
Cold comfort, but it is NOT you. Teenagers as a species are cruel and rebellious. You have a severe case, most grow out of it - as did my boy and my youngest - my eldest daughter, back with me again at 30 with a child still hasn't matured from this stage. Does nothing, contributes nothing, ignores everyone, spits bile - ungrateful.

At least there are hollow apologies, so there is some glimmer of remorse there. Perhaps with another year will come more peace and a heartfelt apology.

You will always have us for mental and moral support.

Dave.

dear Dave
this i know for certain
you and others have saved
me in many ways
many
i will just for today
go on my terrace
with my coffee
hope it will be nice
never the less
just for today
i will try and stay in the
positive
thank you so much for sharing
may i be able to return the
lift
love
me
God is good
Amen

Eva,

I hope your coffee was hot, the sun warm on your upturned face and peace came to reside in your heart and mind - even for a little while.

Dave.

Things could barely get any worse, and I just need to get this out.

My regular, trusted driver would not take me to my Lidocaine Infusion Therapy yesterday out of spite as we had argued the night before over a personal matter of hers. I need at least a week to arrange inadequate alternative transport (time and extra stops). A taxi would have run to over £100 - and would still have been inadequate for collecting meds from another Hospital. No alternative date is available.

This leaves my body bouncing around a 9. My neck and spine are screaming, legs numb and burning, arms with daggers rammed through the upper bone. All the time the new needle stabs in feet, legs and arms. Eased for a few hours to 6/7 if I REALLY load up on the meds - that's if I can arrange to get my Ketamine picked up at all. I know the Neuropathic Facial Pain, now a tingling, irritating ache, will quickly ramp up and the TN Attacks will bite with a vengeance. With Lidocaine all of it is dulled down.

The Cluster Headache Attacks have been debilitating again. My GP has been unavailable for over a week to discuss Oxygen Therapy. They are called by their alternative name for a reason.

I haven't been without an Infusion since a heart attack induced break in 2008. My Depressive Disorder IS projecting and making things worse, and the situation and pain is deepening the Depression rapidly. 7 years ago it was a nightmare, and I have deteriorated physically 5-fold since then.

When you continue to give your all to someone and their family - despite how you have been treated, the least you could expect is 3 hours a month of their time to enable you to have some sort of life.

I don't know whether I have the coping mechanism for this one.

I am sorry for this Post, I do not expect any response - burdening others is bad enough. I just needed to wallow and vent.

Dave.

dearest Dave
i am angry for you also
what a terrible feeling
having to depend on others
and cannot put personality aside
may there be a way from our Blessed Father
to help us with our needs
lots of gentle hugs and love
me

Dear Dave,
I'm very sorry to read what has happened and that you've missed your infusion.

That's bad news indeed. Please know we're thinking of you.

And Eva, of course my thoughts are with you as well.

Hi Dave

I am sorry to read that.

I really admire the wisdom and compassion that you bring to the community.

I hope that everything gets sorted out soon.

With my care, support and concern.

Kiwi

Thanks to each of you for your concern. I will try to continue to contribute in a positive light as this is my only outlet.

Things are difficult though, I am already pushing the boundaries of morphine and ketamine just to knock myself out as much as possible. Medication induced sleep is no answer, but it is better than the pain and dark thoughts.

Dave.

Dear Dave,

Your constantly positive attitude, despite what you endure, never ceases to amaze me. You always have an encouraging word for each of us, in our time of need.

Let us be your support during this difficult time. Family and friends disappoint us, often. People who make commitments sometimes fail us. It WILL get better. Many people don't get the pain or depression issues....but WE all do. I am so sorry you missed your infusion. That is inexcusable and should not have happened. Life has cycles, this is a downturn and it WILL cycle up again.

Sometimes, medication induced sleep is the only sleep we can get and you are right, it IS better than the pain and terrible thoughts.

Things WILL get better. The oxygen therapy is something new to try and it WILL help. I am praying for you Dave.

When things are darkest, lean on us, vent to us.....we are here for you.
All my best, D.

Dear Eva,
My heart aches for what you are enduring.
You are not weak, it is just an extremely difficult time you are trying to get through it. I pray for more sensitivity on the part of your family and until that happens, you have friends here, always.
My best to you,
D.