i don't want to feel anymore

St George 2013 · 12-28-2014, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eva5667faliure

how have you been dealing with
the ever caring devil that gets to
screw with me quite a bit
for a very long time
and it baffles me that God will
allow him to screw with me for so long
not months
most my life
like i written in the past
a gray cloud over my family

i am ever so sorry you are bed ridden
that makes me sad
there is so much laundry
a sixteen year old who is the laziest
of all my children
and in puts a strain on our relationship
things that are expected especially in
the common areas
this is a job in itself

do you have a loved one that cares and listens (STILL)
as we go through what we do

my eldest daughter Saraeve my angel
expressed how angry she is at my illness
this from a woman whose life was cut at the knees @ 23
she was kicking butt
had to change her career
she is a recognized poet
and a publishing company
will be publishing a "BOOK"
that's is right a book
how awesome is that
a epileptic
2 brain surgeries
removal of part of her occipital lobe
removed
the trade off permanent blindness
10 years of depression
as she still suffers
it was not successful
and now has a VNS implant in her chest area

she too suffers
clinical depression
i have four children
and a grand mama
i'm called mimma

i hope your funk
leaves you in one breath

dear Lord
let debi and myself
feel some relief
in Jesus name
thank you for being a friend
and has made me understand
she too is in a awful funk
sending you hugs of love
me

Sweet Eva....first time I've been on since I wrote to you. 4 days of steroids have helped me very much but I know it won't last. I'll take these few days and enjoy them and pray the bad days stay away for awhile.

I'm Grammy to my grandchildren...ages 8 to 17. My son lost his way in June but found us again this month. He had to find his way back by himself. Nothing I could do for him at that point. Finally stood up for myself for the first time ever with either of my kids. After what I've been through I realized I have to protect myself, my sanity, my happiness.

I think of you often and hope you get relief.

Your daughter is an amazing woman ! I know you are so proud of her.

And yes, I have a 'someone' to talk to. I also have a wonderful daughter that listens to me, cooks for me and is who I rely on for almost everything. She has strong shoulders that girl of mine.

Take care and know I'm thinking of you sweet Lady

Debi from Georgia

eva5667faliure · 12-28-2014, 02:14 PM

well the days of a new year i upon us shortly
the cold is here to much to do just to get ready to go anywhere
my eyes open
find i have slept in fetal position all night
then to stretch out my body
take my morning meds with hot coffee
to get it in my system as quick as possible
and strong coffee with the headache i have
every morning doctors orders
rather than taking otc pain relief
and then i'll pinch the skin between my my thumb
and pointer finger
try it sometimes
especially when it's kicking
my gut is empty
waiting for my belly laughs
i do not know what happened to me
in every way
does this mean the devil gets a piece of me
it is not him i seek
it is my Almighty Father with that worn flannel shirt
that has the smell of true love
my angels who are my protectors
as i ask the angels assigned to watch over
each of my family members

i do not know why i am in this terrible
funk

well the years are coming and going
hope to still have the opportunity
for love in my life from a human being
who is open to getting to know and
come to love who i am
in Jesus name
who can make anything happen

the happiness of my children
priority

yet i don't want to be forgotten

Father i love you and must trust in you

those who feel as i do and cannot shake it
don't do anything at all
there Will be another day love
me

St George 2013 · 12-28-2014, 05:01 PM

Who would ever forget your dear, sweet, wonderful writings ?

You walk with the Father and keep the faith for a lot of us on here.

Good things are coming your way. I have faith.

Debi from Georgia

eva5667faliure · 12-28-2014, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by St George 2013

Who would ever forget your dear, sweet, wonderful writings ?

You walk with the Father and keep the faith for a lot of us on here.

Good things are coming your way. I have faith.

Debi from Georgia

thank you for remembering

that was a present

in disguise

this is a wonderful place

AMEN

EnglishDave · 12-28-2014, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eva5667faliure

well the years are coming and going
hope to still have the opportunity
for love in my life from a human being
who is open to getting to know and
come to love who i am
in Jesus name
who can make anything happen

the happiness of my children
priority

yet i don't want to be forgotten

In this World I believe there is someone for everyone. For a Soul as loving as yours there is someone special. Perhaps they are already in your life, perhaps they will come tomorrow - but they will come.
Take time for your Good Self, you are worth more than you know.
Dave.

eva5667faliure · 12-28-2014, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EnglishDave

In this World I believe there is someone for everyone. For a Soul as loving as yours there is someone special. Perhaps they are already in your life, perhaps they will come tomorrow - but they will come.
Take time for your Good Self, you are worth more than you know.
Dave.

you lift me up
me

ger715 · 12-29-2014, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by St George 2013

Sweet Eva....first time I've been on since I wrote to you. 4 days of steroids have helped me very much but I know it won't last. I'll take these few days and enjoy them and pray the bad days stay away for awhile.

I'm Grammy to my grandchildren...ages 8 to 17. My son lost his way in June but found us again this month. He had to find his way back by himself. Nothing I could do for him at that point. Finally stood up for myself for the first time ever with either of my kids. After what I've been through I realized I have to protect myself, my sanity, my happiness.

I think of you often and hope you get relief.

Your daughter is an amazing woman ! I know you are so proud of her.

And yes, I have a 'someone' to talk to. I also have a wonderful daughter that listens to me, cooks for me and is who I rely on for almost everything. She has strong shoulders that girl of mine.

Take care and know I'm thinking of you sweet Lady

Debi from Georgia

I am so happy to learn your son is back. That had to been so difficult; but you were wise to leave it to him to find his way back. Wishing more good things will come your way in 2015.

Gerry

eva5667faliure · 01-04-2015, 03:02 PM

the pain so bad last night
my hands i speak of
was unbearable
the water works not making
anything feel better
a reminder of my decline
something i don't want to know
i am dropping most everything
eventually
in my day i'd say 50 drops of
whatever might be in my hands
eventually falls
i could take meds such as Lyrica
it was one of several we tried for my neurological
damage and problems with the side effects
deadly
blisters in my mouth heart palpation
and i do remember my hands and feet
were pain free magic number was 4 tablets
i forget how many mg
i will not experiment anymore
and to read all the problems
people have coming off the drug
i'm glad my body did not have a chance
to become a necessary intake for being on it
for that amount of time
my choice
hence my pain
as i clearly understand i have two independent
things going on
mechanical and neurological
unable to take meds for neurological
cannabis Does help with the burning or cold
but mostly the pain so bad i am itching my hands and feet
so for whatever it's worth i can only do such when available
so many things screwed up
just keep going on
though depression has set in
and has made itself at home in my brain
most know how i type
with an pencil eraser head
my hands
me

EnglishDave · 01-04-2015, 07:16 PM

It's not your hands that make you drop,
But gravity playing her cruel tricks
As she does when she takes my legs away.

Our medications give us hope,
Then savagely take away -
The side effects causing more pain.

Typing with pencil end, as I type one-fingered,
Sight double and blurred, deleting -
Yet still making the Connection.

The natural Weed brings the relief
That chemicals fail to provide.
God, in His Infinite Wisdom.

Depression in the mind, of the mind,
Fought by love of Grandchildren,
Family, friends - The Lord.

eva5667faliure · 01-05-2015, 01:28 AM

precious
me

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