it has a hold on me
the most depressing birthday ever
another year
big deal
though this pain
this pain
is the one that never leaves
me

On 'Special' Days

The Pain bites harder,
The Mood grows darker,
The World is Hateful.

My Thoughts come warmer,
My Love grows stronger,
The World is Mellow.

Dave.

Eva,

I do agree the 24/7 pain is a constant uninvited interference in our lives. Before bedtime, I pray not to fear starting a new day. I realized fear was one of my biggest enemies. Just knowing what awaits; the spine pain, along with the heavy pailful legs; but the worst is the burning ankles and feet making walking; even with a cane quite unsteady and difficult. Unfortunately when I anticipate the pain; fear take over and it becomes even worse.

Again; one day at a time; hoping for a little laughter. Eva; you remember the "belly" laugh. How often you would include that in your sign off; Praying you will once again experience the laughter.



Gerry

no sense talking about that


when

me

all remains the same
and the explanations
make no sense
i have no desire
to get me going
me

I have so many thoughts that go thru this very very sick yet educated myself with my life lessons
and less thank a week i woke up with the feeling i have to get ready for work my routine changed in a moments rest before getting in the shower as everyone slept
ONLY
i eventually and quickly realized
i have no place to go
this is what i have been trying to explain
until it came to me last week

my eldest daughter
expressed to me
how i shouldn't have had any children
maybe i shouldn't have been born
not the case
where do i put that
crazy i'm not
out spoken i could be
i am not in any good way
so many things terrible things going on
and all of it out of my hands

my not wanting to feel is a constant
what was going through my mind
until she rang the doorbell at 12:30 in the morning

not hearing from her all day
because she bailed him out

in my mind she was chopped up
her body parts scattered
no teeth
hands or feet
this is what was on my mind
yesterday evening

i ask anyone
how does this mind go there
this is nuts
am i nuts

depression evil thoughts
all unwanted

to be held
and told
it will be just fine
rest get better and don't worry
i'll take care of things for a bit
my dream
that's all it is
tired of all
my heart a stone

tired of hearing
i still hear a fight in you
done
me

When our mind is Dark, our thoughts easily turn to the Dark and Twisted, no matter how much we fight. We are vulnerable to our inner weaknesses, I offer no solution to this - I have little for myself.
However, you have the inner strength of your loving Faith to draw on. You have the outer strength of your Friends here, loving and willing for you to improve, to feel some respite.
Let those strengths support you through the days and nights.

Dave.

Dear Dave

I have you and so many others here
Who love me and keep me going
as i am near giving up
I am tired of everything
I have you and others keeping me
Afloat
Afloat
Amen