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05-25-2016, 10:16 AM | #311 | ||
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Senior Member
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my dear eva, i am so sorry you have had cancer and emphysema on top of all the other problems you are dealing with. but thank goodness you are there for your grandchild and thank goodness you are here for me. i need someone to help me stay strong while i try to deal with my own issues. i will pray that your test results show that everything is fine. you have to be okay and that's that. for your grandchild, me and all the people that you have helped here at NT. you make a positive difference in peoples lives and you matter. i am sending healing prayers and big hugs your way.
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05-25-2016, 11:52 AM | #312 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
Today you are my angel It is your warm loving words that help me see I am true to me And it help you me and anybody going through a tough time It's one thing to have our own difficulties It another when others trample on you over and over when I open my heart home and comfort when one needs it I know in my heart you understand the sadness I feel Trying to wake my daughter yesterday To see Eva playing by herself when checking up on them Just got a call my youngest nor her father or my eldest know while in the hospital she was seen by a pulmonary dr And a call came in from the dr office about a appointment with them tomorrow NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THIS I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE I AM JUST BROKEN NOBODY EVEN KNOWS SHE HAS SOMETHING GOING ON AND NOBODY ASKED QUESTIONS WHEN SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL BROKEN I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ANY OF THIS MAKE NO MISTAKE THIS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THE CASE IF I WAS INVOLVED I HAVE GONE THROUGH ENOUGH IN MY LIFETIME OF BEING IN THE HOSPITAL BROKEN
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05-26-2016, 08:32 AM | #313 | ||
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i hope you're feeling a little better today Eva. i am sorry you are having such a hard time and i hope that today brings some peace and joy to your heart. just wanted you to know i am here if you want talk or just listen. praying for you always.
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"Thanks for this!" says: | DejaVu (06-14-2016), eva5667faliure (05-26-2016) |
05-26-2016, 01:33 PM | #314 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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And denial for the "early retirement benefit" I was not only misinformed But never wanted to give up my job Having been denied my last request for leave without pay And someone in the same identical status as I am in Disease of course not the same her disibility stroke However because we worked side by side she hired six months before myself went out on disibility six months after I did Has the same time put in with the city Seven years eleven months active And dismissed without cause as my status sadly has declined Point I was dismissed last year April I was told I needed ten years of "active" service How I found out about this was through my friend coworker Now identical in time How is it she is eligible And I am not I will be entitled to zero when I would be eligible for early retirement age sixty Zero I cannot fight this fight To much time has passed And I do not even know how to approach it to a lawyer I am flat out not entitled I was misinformed by the association administrator Then not a very good time on the phone with Corissa My chest is weighted From the constant lump in my throat I know I have no control over many things I cannot do a thing at this very moment but want to give up But I know I cannot I am needed Just took afternoon meds hope for some quick relief I cannot begin to tell you how my body is failing me And I know that the stress I put on myself is all about me not being able to control it An in the end having to turn it ALL over t Heavenly Father That is true serenity I need to let go and let God I NEED TO LET GO AND LET GOD so difficult when you see your babies in distress or headed that way And I understand they must go through their own V-8 moments But to see them suffer And then there is me I do not have that someone to take care of me and the things I cannot do anymore or wear anymore or watch a movie anymore or be in a long ride I think I will stop here I am hoping for a call That all I can do Love Me I have learned never to say "Never say I can't get any worse" Jeez In Jesus I trust In God I believe
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"Thanks for this!" says: | DejaVu (06-14-2016), ger715 (05-28-2016), Mari (05-30-2016), PamelaJune (05-27-2016), RSD ME (05-26-2016) |
05-27-2016, 05:07 AM | #315 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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It has been some time now since speaking about the DEPLIN I am on
I am going through enormous suffering And am able to go through the day I wonder what I would be writing if I weren't on the folate If I am somewhat at a better place while on the DEPLIN This I know for certain The depression is still alive Not as intense I guess because of the changes my brain has gone through and are leveling out It is still crushing It is still an emotion I cannot shake Having to wake early is bothersome My back is out of control burning The pain so great I look at myself and wonder How much time do I have As my body continues to fail me Unable to get anywhere with my family I think of Sammy Relate to his feeling as a young person Worried about the future Rather than having fun I was constantly worring T is a tremendous burden I carried as a child Protecting my sister Or so I thought There is no room My brain on overload I am in a frightened state over my child Who is headed on a heck of a road I could loose her on this road I am in need of help To help her Her father giving up is not the answer He needs to step it up and work with me Not solo towards her Meanwhile he tells me I see it wasn't you Does not make it okay He needs to step up I can only pray for her return That may never happen And weighs heavy on me I am forgotten in her invincible world Until she is alone and frightened I am scared And have reason How can a parent let go of this kind of behavior I will not Hoping for a better day The deep abyss in my gut gone Replaced by a different kind of fear Me
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05-27-2016, 06:02 PM | #316 | ||
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Senior Member
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praying that you and your daughter will find good health and happiness soon. i understand how hard it is not knowing where they are and if they are ok. i haven't heard from my brother in two weeks. no one has. i am very worried. i can only pray that he will find his way back to health and happiness too. it's hard i know. but there is nothing else that can be done. keep the faith. we have to hold onto hope. love and hugs.
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05-28-2016, 05:49 PM | #317 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Heavenly Father
Faith all will in the end be As You see fit He brought my child back home to me She wants my guidance and help She wants to be home with us Thank you for the support an faith It is true It is heard I do believe Love Me
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05-28-2016, 10:01 PM | #318 | ||
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Magnate
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Eva, Pray this will be productive for both of you. Let her know I care about her. She is "special". Gerry |
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05-28-2016, 10:27 PM | #319 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Well wishes Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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06-13-2016, 08:52 AM | #320 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I have story after story after story
Breaking news of the devestation And this one sick human Cannot take this and put it on my shoulders This is a problem for me I need to be in better control of what I let in my life I understand this Telling myself this is a challenge not having all this negative news playing over and over and over again I have challenges in the relationship with my youngest child Who could so easily be sucked into the way of this world I need to help her help herself A vicious horrible cycle I have to stop All I can do is talk to my children All about loving All about loving We cannot be afraid So difficult We need to pay attention when out in the world when not home safe One must live life And not become ME love Me
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