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06-14-2016, 10:01 PM | #321 | |||
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Senior Member
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Hi Eva,
I am just catching up on your thread. I have thought of you so many times while I was away, offering love and prayers as you came to mind. Again, tonight, Dear Soul, Offering Love and Prayers for You and Yours.
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May we have the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to light our paths. . . . |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (06-15-2016), RSD ME (06-28-2016) |
06-15-2016, 06:25 AM | #322 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
There is something always going on For the better I pray I don't ever want to give up It gets harder and harder physically The tragedy just overwhelmed My talks with my youngest Is making a difference I hoping This is all I can do A scary world today So many So much pain So much sadness So much loss In it all we must push forward Be well Pray you are happy Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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06-22-2016, 06:58 AM | #323 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I know myself well
And it doesn't matter how far away Or how near something sad always catches me A young girl Raped doesn't even know it He is of age still a in high school Sophomore in high school It pains me to know this She thought he liked her I cannot understand How society allows such behavior If a student continues to fail and reaches adult age There most certainly should be separation between them and the underage There is a middle school Why not a school for children who turn to adult age and continue their education in a different building Can anybody see what I see happening It is aweful Just aweful How many girls or how many young women get raped and don't even understand it I taught my children when that time comes When that time comes I hope it is with someone you have feelings for Not one night stands It should be beautiful Not like this young woman went through Oh Heavenly Father So many things I want to take on And make change for our children who are living a life of struggles pressure I thought it was hard for me when in high school Nothing like today Nothing She feels dirty SHE feel dirty Sad So sad for her Hoping she will get help Mother has no clue No clue Ways have changed Not for the better when it comes to women getting raped and don't understand that Me
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someone who cares eva |
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06-25-2016, 09:29 AM | #324 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
I am overcome today with the selfish attitudes my children have Three times directing my eighteen year old to sort her laundry My grandchild not returning things to their home Something she sees my eighteen year old does and she sees and does It isn't okay when I dry mop my home and I ask her to kindly discard the dust and dirt from her room That is just plain disregard of my request Why must everything fall in my shoulders Why must I be the one to do the things I really should not be doing and I am forced to Why is it all about me me me me me What is wrong with this world This I did not teach my children But they very quickly think of ME first Today should have been a pool day The tenant above me awoke me twice in the early morning First at 12:40 in the morning and again 1:30 in the morning Only to be up at 7:30 and have to do do do So we all are ready to leave and enjoy the day I did it all yesterday I shouldn't have to do it again today So we go nowhere Time I stop what I shouldn't put up with The selfishness just bugs the hell out of me Not cool And in the end its me who spoils it all All I wanted to do is have a good day With my family Right In my dreams Even dreams are taken from me I am not in a good place Really angry Really angry And nobody truly gives a turd Why should I The rock I will always be Not a door mat Me Why it posted like this I have no clue Hit the reply button No clue Anyhow Two separate issues
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 06-25-2016 at 09:59 AM. |
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06-28-2016, 09:05 PM | #325 | ||
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Senior Member
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Quote:
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RSD ME . |
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06-29-2016, 05:37 PM | #326 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I will post this here because depression comes in many forms
It has been five years since on tamoxifen a drug that stop any estrogen production because my cancer is estrogen driven Then cortisol produced by high stress And finally progesterone another important hormone I write this with a week of deep depression Some situational add to that the lac of estrogen I am a basket case Being so in tune with my body mind and spirit There is no question in my mind most of my depression is hormone Doing all I can to take care of myself No doctor is even touching it Having my mutation that has been addressed reached its threshold Now I am left with this I have two and a half years left to be on tamoxifen I will be very curious how my mental state will be I am so in touch with my body I am certain Hot flashes Sugar cravings Cortisol stress Highs and lows There is a check list of twelve signs to the three hormonal depression And I cover a twelve Everyone of them This depression can mess me up big time and because I know me I understand it HOWEVER And this be the reason I post it here rather then in women health forum men and women need to know this Depression so misunderstood SO MANY FACTORS I hope this helps get out there so others can start paying attention to themselves a little better and know your not crazy It's your body out of wack I had a very difficult time when I was in my ovulating days And when I was going through my menopausal faze All hell broke loose This is when I got breast cancer Remember It is the kind that is driven by estrogen My estrogen production ceased when starting tamoxifen So where does that leave me Fighting every single day not to give into it It is a fight I hate I rarely use the word hate But the truth of the matter is I HATE how it robs me of my happiness Will I ever feel the happiness I so look for Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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06-30-2016, 08:31 AM | #327 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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The hardest thing I ever have to do is separate myself from her chaos in her life
Allowing her the space to reflect on prioritizing her life First by getting clean and sober It will be a month before I pick up the phone I love her to death But cannot allow her to add anymore stress I have going on already She will call every night to speak with her child And that's it She needs to concentrate on her and why her child is in my care Never in a million years did I think it would take this long I pray she does not spiral downward anymore than she already is I kills to have to do this But I cannot cry as much as I do in a day I can't Having to keep the faith Having to be the foundation for this family As my mother gave up a very long time ago I have to let that go also In my day I hope to smile and have a belly laugh Laughing if it could just be bottled Me
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07-01-2016, 08:23 AM | #328 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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So we end the day yesterday
Going to my appointment with my pain specialist Get there he's gone Traffic was tiring My body crippled After doctor 4:45 Did about a half hour good shopping Drop off the scripts like I always do after going to the doctor I have been with my pain specialist since I became chronically ill with just about every part of my body I keep telling myself I should have just had a hysterectomy Killing another chance of uterine cancer Something taking tamoxifen can promote Can you imagine Only found out about this not to long ago REALLY where is informing the patient of the risk Just released recently Doctors not prescribing any HRT I come home with my family in tow Get home to a phone call from my pharmacist telling me my OxyContin rejected I call insurance company to find out what happened I was asked a few questions she had me on screen and says you had last had your script filled this month on the second yesterday was the thirtieth A red flag Why my pharmacist filled it immediately was because he won't be back at work until Wednesday Having to place the order for my medicine so I'm not without This happens So the young lady continues I remind her that I have picked this insurance company as it made more sense to do that rather by doctors My pain doctor and coverage of my lifetime medicine AS A RESULT OF BOTCHED WORK by surgeon I was beside myself She the says She will fax as of yesterday A form he must fill out I forget the terminology Basically why do I need such a medicine Gave her his name number fax And I will get word today My pharmacist was looking out for me I have been in a situation when storm Sandy hit the jersey shore My pharmacist establishment was out of commission no electricity Having a Walgreens up my block to cover me for a couple of days after there was some order and restoring the city back to normal Luckily having never abusing my medicine there were nights I fell asleep an had not been awakened to take it I would then wait till the morning In all the years I have been on it I had a three week supply in reserve Does anybody see my anger rising Not a word from the insurance company how this determination was reached without any history of me I was shut down without cause Oh I get it The way of this country and addiction NOT GOING ABOUT IT THE RIGHT WAY IF ANYONE ADKES ME I was red flagged Because it was attempted to be filled two days earlier with the holidays If I didn't have reserve like I do And we all know how that happens Ooooooouh how upset that makes me for others also So I will wait for my doctor to fill out the required form and pray there will not be any problems Isn't it enough already Why do the very few suffer because of the abuse and practice the insurance is using no order for what merit and at who's expense I have done everything to avoid having to take any drugs Mine unsuccessfully done at the hand of another And now this After how many consecutive years Sucked from me my estrogen (what make us feel good and more) and replace it with chronic lifetime pain and no WARNING something is very wrong with this picture And then for my doc to have just leave Jeez What will today have to throw my way Praying there be zero problems with this Just praying And then the tenant above me Awakened me again with her malicious behavior Time 1:30 A.M. Not okay Not cool Have knocked on her door twice Took it to the office Next what to call the cops Can you imagine The person is an alcoholic and in my years living here came and ask if I had any pain meds If I could spare something This from a tenant that roams the halls looking for drugs Never have I spoken to her about myself Freshly moved in this apartment She left the tub on above Corissa's room to overflow so badly because she was drunk and fell asleep The damage to Corissa's room the surrounding area ruined and she's forgotten about the damage and to that add bad behavior as a neighboring tenant I can take it a step further It is in the lease to keep it quiet an respectful to others Do not want to call the cops Fear retaliation on my car Something that already happened when requesting a handicap spot having all requirements My car was keyed All this additional crap I can do without This for certain How much can one swallow Me
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07-03-2016, 09:24 PM | #329 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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It should have been a thrilling day
My youngest just so utterly disrespectful She hurts so terribly Thinks only of herself Eats and drink Without thinking of others Everybody else's belongings Give nothing in return Doesn't do the laundry Read for her GED read the drivers manual Won't apply for a job And just lays in bed on her phone with her girlfriend It is the one thing I have to ask her father to turn it off If pushed Well I'm there She manipulated everything she did in advance She thinks about how to be deceitful I NEVER TAUGHT THIS BEHAVIOR She did so many hurtful selfish things that i just make me want to throw in the towel She is pushing me to a place of no return It is killing me Why is she pushing me away like this Its f*****g killing me I mean it I can't do it anymore It hurts so badly I also can add to my plate of problems Scleroderma In my abdomen and spine L4/5-5/6 It just toooooo Fu*****g wonderful This to is why I hurt This is what's happening I hate it all It was suppose to be a fur day And she took it away with one moment with her father You have to know the dynamics to understand It was just so gross Im sick and tired of all of it I want so hard for it to work To hell her get it I want her to pay the bills this month I need her to care and learn I'm so lost
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 07-04-2016 at 07:38 AM. |
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07-04-2016, 07:50 AM | #330 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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She is fighting me
To the death It hurts that hard She sees it She knows it And has no exination She was doing well when coming back home Only know less is done And she's that magical age eighteen She needs to still learn the basics You read right The basics All this in turn makes me cry cry Like an idiot I cry
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