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07-04-2016, 10:32 PM | #331 | ||
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Magnate
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Quote:
Of Eva, Please remind Corissa about the "rainbow" . She has to give of herself for herself. She can have a beautiful life ahead.... Get her GED; maybe a nursing career or whatever she chooses. She can do it. I believe in her; now she has to believe in herself. With Love & Prayers for you and all your family. Gerry Last edited by ger715; 07-05-2016 at 10:37 AM. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (07-05-2016), RSD ME (07-25-2016) |
07-09-2016, 10:12 AM | #332 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Powerless I am to so many things
However being pushed to the limit with my last two children cannot be anymore hurtful When your eighteen year old who brings nothing to the table A place where she is and knows she is loved who is on the phone first thing and all day Eats in bed when there is a table and chairs in her room a beautiful room with her own bathroom who since returning home testing me to my limit And it is all the same she lays around on the phone all the time A obsession I ask her everyday did you apply for work The last was when she had no more clothes to wear if she could do all her laundry No problem Mom really can't financially support her Yet I do the best I can And it is not appreciated I don't know why she is pushing me to a breaking point Does she want me to say get out I will never throw my child out And for both of them to cuss me when I just found out she tried to kill herself three days ago Found out yesterday My youngest who is undeserving of the money given so she can go to the movies Go out with her friends And do nothing without having to ask her In the end she was in route to her sister yesterday but she was sick I asked her to return home and do some of the things she needed to do Dirty plates Dirty clothes A dirty bathroom until I can't take it anymore And here is a first the icing on the cake When she told me no She wasn't coming home And that I should get over it She never came home And yet This morning writes me Mommy Are you okay What the F*** is that I don't know what to do with that None of my other children did that when Then again who am I kidding Christine started hanging out with the wrong crowd seventh grade downward spiral And Corissa was ill with her kidney and was still an active mom with the school and Christine trying not to loose her like I did And she is in a very bad place Corissa not interested in anything except being taken care of in a way that is just not right She is that magical age eighteen Her father will not take her in if she calls him My eldest hasn't gotten a word where she is For all I know she could be with the gang member who she was involved with when with her father and had the pregnancy scare with Who gets her high Why is it to open up to me and know I will always worry when they are not on a good road And all I can do is pray for them both But I feel like I can't hang on anymore It's beginning to hurt me physically And they can't see that Lost and depressed Like she said I need to get over it Have nobody Nobody
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 07-09-2016 at 10:45 AM. Reason: Fixing |
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07-09-2016, 07:56 PM | #333 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Not a word
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someone who cares eva |
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07-10-2016, 06:42 PM | #334 | ||
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Magnate
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Eva, I'm so sorry. I know she loves you, she thanks me for being friends with her mother. It seems like she can't/won't help herself. Becoming lazy thru the last few years has obviously played some part in her not even cleaning up after herself. She is so much better than that. You and your family are in my prayers. Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (07-10-2016), RSD ME (07-25-2016) |
07-10-2016, 08:59 PM | #335 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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That will be five hours no phone
To be productive in the five hours she gives it up She also understands It will be very lonely out there after her so called friends who do not work or are productive in anyway After expressing to her Never will I ever have a child of mine tell me What they will do not bringing anything to help the situation I now in essence am providing a safe place for her Something I do not have to do at that magical age eighteen While in my presence she applied for two jobs on line Did two loads of her laundry Took a shower Fed her niece dinner It isn't anything difficult just time and energy She did it without much back talk She tried It is now on terms she give it up for five hours Or have it turned off For six months It is a scary situation I already have a child who is out there and will be thirty two I am hanging on hope HOPE and prayers she will get better To now have the same fears added to it She isn't ready for the world and can be in a much worse place then the sister she looked up to To loose my youngest to the streets would be heart-wrenching All prayers forever welcomed Always Me
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someone who cares eva |
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07-11-2016, 12:31 AM | #336 | ||
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Magnate
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Eva,
Prayers for you and your family have been on my nightly prayer list for quite some time. In fact, I say my evening prayers long before bedtime so I won't be haft asleep saying them. I have already mentioned you and your family; of course, Corissa by name. I'm glad to read Corissa is attempting to do a few baby steps at a time; hopefully they will soon be adult steps. "No", we can't loose her to the streets, she has too much to offer with a lot of "rainbows" to follow. Gerry Last edited by ger715; 07-11-2016 at 11:17 AM. |
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07-15-2016, 11:46 AM | #337 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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what a way to live
i know it is me my mind that is occupied with the what ifs a good friend suggested to not look for it let it come to me this is true release of ones turmoil when nobody but ourselves having the sense to see and understand we are powerless in many situations many but it is how i try very hard to practice and then getting bombarded from all side and still try to keep it together i have come so far not to fail being the best mom and human i can be i live with much sadness making just as much lemonade my grandchild ready to start school wondering how her life will be like going to school she is bright very bright gifted i can see it as i did with all my children having to wake in a state i cannot move like i once did like lighting i was like lighting and 95% of it gone i wonder what will it be like when i get to stop taking my cancer pill tamoxifen it stripping me of my estrogen will this sad feeling be lifted even just a bit it is affecting me physically reliving terroristic attacks watching the towers come crashing down for my eyes to watch it is literally right across the river my backyard and has not stopped i cannot fathom any of it my babies i from generation X group have not moved on as the rest of the world technology has never introduced itself to me where i did not want part of i look at my children my babies all suffering in one way or another social media when my children went from beepers to the cell phone and in their case more harm than good i can see where it changed just like that and there is no stopping phones used to blow people up i live in this country a citizen a immigrant in this country that was referred to when i came as the "a melting pot" who can say we have the right to be judgemental is it so difficult for one to refrain from saying negative if one hasn't a nice thing to say to another do not say anything at all if one isn't asked for one's opinion keep one's mouth shut how has manners disappeared so quickly just in the last twenty years pushing the envelope what happened to courtship why are we watching dating naked i am not speaking of any shame of my body not to be misunderstood i have love of myself a confident woman who stands in Gods love and protection my grandchild at the foot of my bed writing her numbers in word form knows her vowels long and short i teach her in song it is easier for her everything in song is better music that sooths the world has lost its song will the sadness be lifted a bit when i stop the drug it is a terrible feeling depression robs us of so much i try to empower myself with the love of Jesus Christ and try to write everyday mental illness not taken seriously to say the words out loud "mental illness" is taboo something has to give pull back the reigns not everything has to be accepted why afraid i don't get it my children old enough to see it happening i will always take a stand when in truth i will always be around when my children need that comfort only what i can give i pray we all have happiness in our hearts love me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | RSD ME (07-25-2016) |
07-15-2016, 06:02 PM | #338 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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That feeling of doom
Seven years in psychotherapy Fired him Was happy to get or try to get me on meds And wasn't listening when I told him it was worse And not enjoying the withdrawals So giving it up was a good thing He did not take my MTHFR Mutation seriously And did not go to bat for me Unhappy I left him I am not sad Hoping that this shall pass My daughter sounds better Meetings Being a bit demanding Cannot hear the sadness in my voice I just am crushed I hate how I feel right this moment
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someone who cares eva |
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07-16-2016, 07:36 AM | #339 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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enough is enough
the dynamics out of control i am stepping out of their way no more hearing from me blocked they are forced to write me old school if they want i don't want to care anymore i cannot make them do it i will not allow sadness from them fried fried i am done me
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someone who cares eva |
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07-16-2016, 10:21 AM | #340 | ||
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Magnate
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Eva,
I am sorry you are driven to feel so helpless. All you can do at this point is give all of this to God. "Trust in Him". Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (07-16-2016), RSD ME (07-25-2016) |
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