It ALL is just way much
And I can't find a doctor who will
help me with all of it
As I do what is in my power
And leave the rest in the hands of Heavenly Father
I am broken on just so many levels
I am just getting so tired
I have done my very best
And am given more to deal with
I will try
With all my being
Me

Sending you warmth, love and virtual hugs my friend. Is it possible to ask your last doctor to refer you to another?

doctors are leaving there practice
Since losing my private insurance from a job i could not return to and becoming a SSDI recipient has been a enormous challenge
I have tried and tried and tried and tried till there wasn't anything
left
The inept education on the other end of the phone who cannot answer any of my questions
This is year two having to apply for food stamps submitting all necessary documents and questions answered but year two again THEY royally screwed up once again
One letter comes in saying we are approved
And another that followed by one day as per post mark claim THEY DID NOT RECEIVE the recertification application I returned the requested documentation made sure i dotted my I's and crossed my T's then i immediately made a copy of the application with the date sentence sent it out quickly yet the response I get is if I do not fill out said application it will be terminated
Just like that
Will be calling agency tomorrow
And pray this will be rectified in a speedy manner

What the **** is going o
I have zero
Nothing to take care of my child my grandchild
It is scary
My previous place of employment refusing to give me what is rightfully mine
And here I am
Trying to keep it ALL TOGETHER
There is nobody on a professional as far as mental health i will not put myself in a system that doesn't know if they are coming or going
A system so broken
I fear the future
How my place of employment is refusing me a "early retirement pension" BASED ON TERMINOLOGY
I YET TO HEAR FROM THE PENSION DEPARTMENT
I am scared
Very scared
I cannot find a doctor for myself
The system S.U.C.K.S.
Many things are falling apart
What to do

Having so much to deal with
Is more than I ever imagined in my life
All a new again
May our health insurance look better sooner than later
Optimistic I am
Empowered I am
In Christ Jesus who wraps his arms around me
when at my lowest
Pulled out of the abyss over and over and over again
A family I am responsible for
A family who needs me now more than ever
My relationship with my eldest on a higher plane
I am in love with my babies
Babies no more
But will always be my babies
Together we will be soon again
Our dogs ashes were taken care of and will be near
Oh how I miss him
It gets harder and harder as time goes on
But find it in me to still put one foot in front of the other
Home bound
As this body has a mind of its own
Painful it is to the point of getting sick
Hard to keep food down
Swallowing a issue
Blood pressure still not under control
Prays meditation breathing and stretch as best I can
No life outside from home
Phone is my contact in the world
No I don't want to feel anymore
For it is not a way I would entertain relief
That is not an option
So one day at a time
And calling upon my protector
I will survive
Till my last breath
Me

I have never had problems with anyone in the building I love in
I live with a very disturbed person above me
It is five years I am in this building
Police have been called out all hours of the morning
She is not well and I have educated myself about the rules of the building
I have evidence recordings and the awaited reports from the police station to submit to management and enforce them to do their job
I have contacted the the proper authorities and building management and Office of Fair Housing Equal Opportunity
A few days ago receiving a call from them and will help me in the situation
I am tired of holding those who are responsible to take action
I came from a building that was in the end taken away from the owner to be
It took ten years of my life
I have made a difference in this world
Only I am sick now
I need my rest
At 4:40 this morning awakened called the authorities
When they came as they have come in the past were gracious
Listened to the audio of the noise disturbance that showed date and time
There are several recordings of her irrational behavior
Have found her at my door on two occasions
All the above in the hands of management
This is how my morning started
And will do all I can to make her stop
It is out of control
I do not trust management for personal reasons
Upon moving I was approached by several people who live in my building and the questions that were asked of me by the tenants
"How much money did you pay to get in this building"
The other question is
"How did you get into a two bedroom apartment"
My car has been vandalized upon asking for a handicap spot
Submitted all required documentations with my plaque
Camara that would show who keyed my car was not available according to management
This told me enough to keep an eye on them closely
Just another thing on my plate
My Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father the Holy Spirit
keep me strong while taking on possible changes
May this be the task at hand for many who live here in fear
One day at a time
Body broken and tired
My mind constantly working
Awaiting reports form all the times I had to call the police to ask her to knock it off
We had two meetings with management
After the second meeting that night I had to call the police again
Only now incriminating herself by leaving a note at my door
Stating
"I apologize and don't blame you for call the police"
Enough already
Limited sleep I do not have to express how important it is for a sick body
Not to mention my mind
Never ending
May I be used to make a difference
Don't want to feel anymore
Amen

Stripped of a way of life I still hold on to apparently
Having to clean up the mess tiny metal flecks having to saw through a metal entrance door
Two large gashes in my floor I had put down when moving in
Just cried the entire time
My OCD kicked in big time
And they aren't done yet
Awakened again at three with a thump that seemed to be like a bowling ball
Letter to be sent to the above tenant
As I was assured by management
Allowing me to see it
I hope this will put an end to her
Lets call it a tick
As she apparently isn't well
It is so out of control
My blood pressure 169/100
And am on BP meds
My mind
My mind
To calm my mind
So want to shut it down
So don't want to feel anymore
So badly don't want to feel anymore
Yet I have a reason for existing
I will never kill myself as I still wonder
What was he feeling when he took his life at 47
I can't imagine to pain sorrow sadness whatever
I will never know
But this I know for sure
If I can put one foot in front of the other
And make it through the day
I pray my children will too
I have a broken body
That reminds me every moment of my day
It shouldn't be like this
But it is
So with a prayer and hope
I manage to make it to put my head on my pillow to sleep
And then only to be awakened in a very bad way
May Jesus Christ wrap his arms around me
and fill my Spirit with calm
Heavenly Father the Holy Spirit
Come into my being
In Jesus name
Amen
Me