advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-12-2017, 12:36 PM #431
eva5667faliure's Avatar
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
Default Heart ache

It really can feel all the emotions we go through
When sadness is around as much as it is around here
It's tough keeping a chin up
Constant sadness takes on a toll physically I fight it everyday with the help of Heavenly Father
So much sadness
Must find things to do for me
Much love and happiness pours out of my grandchild
Will attempt a project
She is joy in everyday
And the best time is when she comes in my room every night to say our prayers
The Lord's Prayer and then the Hail Mary in the order she wants
We hold each others hand and close our eyes
Awesomeness
To find my happiness
My worries with my grown onesie hard
All I can do is pray they too find Jesus Christ
Amen
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (03-12-2017), RSD ME (03-19-2017)

advertisement
Old 03-21-2017, 01:32 AM #432
RSD ME RSD ME is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,500
10 yr Member
RSD ME RSD ME is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,500
10 yr Member
Default

Hi Eva. Hope you're doing better today. I haven't been on the forum too much lately because of my poor health. But I'm feeling a little better an wanted to let you know that I"ve missed all of you so much and hope you're doing well. Hugs from your forever friend.
__________________
RSD ME
.
RSD ME is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (03-21-2017), PamelaJune (03-23-2017)
Old 03-21-2017, 01:35 PM #433
eva5667faliure's Avatar
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
Default Warm soft hugs

Back to you
Thanks for reaching out
It is so good to hear from you
Loving empowering hugs in return
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (03-23-2017), RSD ME (03-21-2017)
Old 03-28-2017, 11:38 PM #434
RSD ME RSD ME is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,500
10 yr Member
RSD ME RSD ME is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,500
10 yr Member
Default

Hi Eva. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and hope you are feeling better. Hugs to you my friend.
__________________
RSD ME
.
RSD ME is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (03-29-2017), PamelaJune (03-29-2017)
Old 04-26-2017, 11:24 AM #435
eva5667faliure's Avatar
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
Default Don't know where to take all I have

Won't get much out
As I am leaning on Heavenly Father
I am all over the place with this tiny family you would think not much would be going on
So far from that idea
It is not that I don't put one foot in front of the other and just do someone has to
Everyone else has a life that they have to figure out
The problem beings with calling me and letting me in their world
And yes I listen and listen until I have a chance to speak on a matter I have experience with or on
And if one isn't reseptive to anything I have to suggest and just wants to hear what they want
Well to that I say contact me when you are really ready to be honest and truthful
Until then I have my own path I have to walk
My life has changed
It changed me forevermore and I am a better person because of all that has happened it is not easy
And to put my Spirit first and follow all else follows exactly how it is suppose to be
I miss the routine coming here and trying to follow and start to write only to loose it
And have had help explaining how to hold on to it
I just fail when it comes to technology
My body slowly breaking down as time goes by
Doctors still cannot figure out why my body veins in my hands and feet
Will return to finish
Baby sister stopped by

Back

It a hard thing to have to turn my back on my family
I no longer am a punching bag
No longer their cheerleader no longer will I pick up the phone when I have walked the walk into 25 years of soberiety and for my son to think he can do it on his terms he will need to step out of my life as I will not entertain his desire to pick a fight with me as does things HIS WAY
All I can do is pray but I must cut my ties with two of my children it is because I love them I step back and not be the reason in anyway
They must do what they must without me

My health is priority
And I'm going through it by myself and Heavenly Father
I pray all will pass without incident
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva

Last edited by eva5667faliure; 04-26-2017 at 01:59 PM.
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
ger715 (04-26-2017), PamelaJune (04-26-2017), RSD ME (05-04-2017)
Old 04-26-2017, 06:00 PM #436
PamelaJune's Avatar
PamelaJune PamelaJune is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 1,140
10 yr Member
PamelaJune PamelaJune is offline
Senior Member
PamelaJune's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 1,140
10 yr Member
Default

Oh Eva, you must look after yourself, you know this as equally as you know they must follow their own path and come to the realisation sobriety is just that; it's not moderation, it's not controlled using, it's 100% without substance clear head. I join you in prayer this will come without incident. My prayers too are for you, sending you virtual hugs

Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
All I can do is pray but I must cut my ties with two of my children it is because I love them I step back and not be the reason in anyway They must do what they must without me. My health is priority
And I'm going through it by myself and Heavenly Father I pray all will pass without incident Me
__________________
I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion
PamelaJune is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (04-27-2017), ger715 (04-26-2017), RSD ME (05-04-2017)
Old 04-27-2017, 05:41 AM #437
eva5667faliure's Avatar
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
Default Some good news

After five years with my granddaughter
She has been recommended to attend the school for the gifted and talented
Not only did my for children attend the same school
Now Eva will be attending
She loves to read loves it
So thrilled for her
Hoping mom will find her way
As smart as they are it too comes with many adversities
They are not babies anymore
And addiction is prevelant in this tiny family
Something they do not seem to remember how mommy has her soberiety to handle first
One day at a time
It if it be the only thing I do in my day and not pick up
I have yet another day sober
It matters
It matters more than anything to me
It made me who I am today
And I like me
To my dear friends who support me through my trouble and I thank you
Thank you
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
ger715 (04-27-2017), PamelaJune (04-27-2017), RSD ME (05-04-2017)
Old 05-03-2017, 08:03 AM #438
eva5667faliure's Avatar
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
Default My Heavenly Father prepared me and I'm...

So tired
So tired of bad people
I will be in court only to have that time come
Not well is she
I can walk into court confidently with all to show
And understanding I cannot be the one to take matters into my own hand
So the managers were to have been handling this
I never had any intention to file a police report
Not something I should be doing even though it is me and my family subjected to her abnormal psysocotic addict behavior
So having an understanding of this
I hold those who are responsible to handle it
The management office
As I collect all evedince of said complaints
Point
A very important document that was delivered by me as my eighteen year old as witness
And as it was opened
Requested it go in file
In it it asks the three top persons in the chain of command and as instructed by them to call the NBPD
and to go place a complaint on her
This is where I remind them what the lease says
And it clearly explains the management and maneger are suppose to take action on this letter submitted
I have my own copy
What are the chances my suspicions come to light
Of ALL documents THEY MUST GIVE ME TO SHOW WHAT THEY DID TO HANDLE AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION " is missing"
In it I say me and my family are subjected to irrational behavior roaming the halls inebriated knocking on doors for drugs
And disturpts my sleep as our apartments are identical and her bedroom is above mine I have caught by recording her when this awakening behavior is at all hours of the morning
And much more
I have continued to call "only when she is OOC"
Now it is where it is
I told Roslyn the director who I do not trust for other reasons that I personally encountered by other tenants
One of the questions I have been asked for example is
"How much did you pay to come into this building"
Approached at the town pool while I'm in the water with a friend and interrupted by a woman who since passed
Peggy was her name
Was the first one to ask me
And other things began to happen and thought then
Oh my goodness
What am I going to have to deal with in this building
And because I had 10 years experience in my previous building
I will have pictures to submit what me and my children along with all the other tenants the true meaning of a slumloard
It was a brand new building
The third and fourth floors weren't done yet
10 years fighting the system
And in the end me and another tenant were the ones who made a difference
We fought to the very end
So when I had a chance to come into this swelling I was thrilled
I was at that point on leave with no pay
And let me say something
It is if not worse here then what I went through in my previous dwelling in my home town for 46 years
To here hoping for peace a way to start over with a forever changed life
I have always been a smart cookie
I had some court experience
Represented myself and made a difference
In set precedence in New Jersey back in 1988
The case was talked about for years
His name was judge Shaffer
Had everyone stand up and told them
"You can all thank mrs. ...... for the hard work she did"
And what that means is
I did their jobs
Depressed sure I am
I am tired
And she has much to do with the lack of sleep
I need my rest
It is very important
And to know having to deal with corrupt people really really upsets me
And if by chance the proof I have is not enough just the first top three piceces of evedience wouldn't be enough to show the truth I then will be very disappointed
There isn't anything this woman has as I do not do anything
We are quiet
Even my granddaughter understand no running or jumping
So my arms must be wide open and say yo myself
God you have me go through this for a reason
Only you know what that reason may be
I have my own ideas Heavenly Father is using me
It is over a three hundred unit building
The management likes to strong arm the helpless
Those who have no idea they too have rights
I will try not to be upset as I get all ready fir the courts
And have my Savior in my being
I'm so tired
So tired
Depressed of how many bad people in the world
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (05-04-2017), RSD ME (05-04-2017)
Old 05-04-2017, 07:53 PM #439
RSD ME RSD ME is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,500
10 yr Member
RSD ME RSD ME is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,500
10 yr Member
Default

Praying for you Eva. I have seen alot of bad people in this world too, but have also seen some good ones as well. You are one of them! Hold onto Faith and Hope one day at at time and know that you matter and have made a difference in this world. You helped me cope with my (recovering) brother. He is still not talking to me but I hear from his friend he is doing okay. I couldn't have gotten through that pain without your help. Hugs to you.
__________________
RSD ME
.
RSD ME is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (05-05-2017), PamelaJune (05-05-2017)
Old 05-11-2017, 08:33 AM #440
eva5667faliure's Avatar
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
eva5667faliure eva5667faliure is offline
Grand Magnate
eva5667faliure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
10 yr Member
Default I must focus on me

After my prayers
And meditate
I begin my day
So difficult as the pain level is way up there
In addition to the harassing behavior of the above tenant with whom I will be going to court with
As SHE put out a harassment charge
In all and short
I was prepared from the building I come from
I never wanted it to get this out of hand and as I had personal reservations how the management office operates
The director who I deal with always has been caught in a few lies
This will be interesting
As the charge is not light
And because I have an assigned worker in the case from my phone call to Housing Mortage Finance Agency who in turn directed me to the appropriate department are the only one who will direct me
I have taken all the proper steps
So
I did my part
Found my suspicions were on the money
I will be picking up a written explination where and how my
documents went MIA
The director is throwing the lettter to be written into the hands of the new additional manger to help the helplessly lying one
May my Heavenly Father so who calls the shots
All I ever wanted was for the vicious racket stop
But we are talking about many corrupt cans that may open up
The fellow assigned to my case is my saving grace
Hopefully this will all be behind us and she will stop
I have so much proof to show it is a false report
At the hours of her racket I have nobody else but the police to call
I retire to bed by 11:00 in the evening
It usually begins at 1:00a.m. In the morning and like every hour on the hour
Burned out my little iPod recording her noises that wake me

Why I say do I have to go through this
And at this level
So much embarrassing truth is coming out
I would be ashamed if I did what the director thinks she is allied to do
Terrible
Terrible things when money is at the core of it all

My body hurts so badly
It is the one thing that really brings me down
Especially when it is heightened like it has this month
My torodol shot two weeks ago helped for about the two weeks
Because it's back
This rubber band like snap starting at my left neck shoulder then an electrical snap to the top of my head it's the second time it's happened in this month
OMG
Trying to explain is a different issue
However when I began to explain to my pain specialist he finished my sentence when he said it shot up into my brain
And after it happens I feel as if I'm bruised internally
Should this make any sense to anybody
Pushing through
The truth is pain is awful
Just awful
Scary when something new starts
Now what I tell myself
I pray on it
But inside know my body like only Heavenly Father does
So depressing thoughts begin and I have to counter it
With my mind and doctors
My hands and feet
The doctors cannot figure out what is going on
Hard to deal with that
Today is a tough day
My neck is hurting so
I found myself on my back
A big no no
My body is propped so I cannot turn from my side to my back for the obvious reasons
Hoping to get out of this funk soon
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
eva5667faliure is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
PamelaJune (05-11-2017), RSD ME (05-13-2017)
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
can't take anymore anon1028 Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussion Syndrome 6 06-30-2014 09:11 PM
Not sure anymore Aropka New Member Introductions 3 10-18-2011 11:57 PM
just cant do this anymore krank Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD and CRPS) 28 04-09-2011 10:45 PM
Please help - cant take it anymore! debbiehub Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD and CRPS) 11 04-26-2010 05:49 AM
What Should I do, I just don't feel wanted anymore Jennifer Survivors of Suicide 14 01-08-2007 05:28 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:54 AM.

Powered by vBulletin • Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.7.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

NeuroTalk Forums

Helping support those with neurological and related conditions.

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only,
and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment
provided by a qualified health care provider.


Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.