Eva, In today's paper where I live, you are not alone, I wonder if you can access some help like these women seem to have been able to do?

Perth grandparents looking after grandchildren from drug-addicted or mentally ill parents | Perth Now

thank you
So many of us I had no clue it is this wide spread
What's happening to this world
Again on such a difficult
And as reluctant I am to share I must
I must have the support in any way I can get it
This article as hard it was to read
It was a relief in a good way
You gave me that today
Something I believe is coming form an even higher place through you
May your heart feel joy
Knowing you make a difference
Calm assured you are special
From a friend to another

I suspected she wasn't going to come home
Having a week from hell
Trying to integrate some family
Mother her in the beginning
Going to meetings
Taking
Rather hanging on Corissa
Not that she couldn't use one herself
Went nuts on Wednesday
Then my youngest comes home saying she was traumatized
Sorry if I wasn't in the comforting mood
As I am tired of them crapping on me
Again faith is what I'm hanging on here
Really now
Traumatized
How many times have you seen her in that state
I barked back
And what am I suppose to do about it anyhow
A revolving door I cannot have in the delicate situation that is at my doorstep
A mother who truly is nuts
And I mean that literally
It's one thing to have the genetic problems
And fries her brain with that stuff

Now here is the worse of all
Saturday morning a day I hoped we a family Eva only knows
And now on a rocky point because of her
Rather take responsibility of her life
Return back to school and finish
Something she said she was ready to do
Using all hurtful lies of excuses
About not going to work
Even part time
And what infuriates me
It is so little I ask
So little
That she cannot say it be the reason she doesn't have a life
She hasn't done her laundry in about a month
I will leave it at that
But when she takes Eva to school
She wakes with the phone in her hand
Dosnt like making her lunch
And have learned twice recently she went to school without lunch
Heartbroken
Corissa was catered to like a princess
Cheese omelette with bacon toast
her favorite apple peeled sliced thin(Granny Smith) orange juice
Not to mention the lunches I sent her off with
An extra one as they would eat her lunch
I tell her how can you forget
I cannot understand what is so hard in the things like taking her to school with an Uber
How much easier can that be
It's become the waking up going on phone
Sit down while I get Eva dressed do her hair
What it takes to send her off looking prepared for the day

Ready
Never came home
I had to drive her to school
Not an easy thing with all the bump humps on the road to keep one from speeding
So difficult on my body
I take my meds between 6:30 and 7:00 in the morning
Just cannot get over all of this
Having to now drive her to school
Oh because I don't bleed
This i get
I have my cross to carry
Not complain about it
I just hurts so badly on every conceivable level
And am numb
Numb
Took off
Where is she
Is she alive
Me

Trying very hard not to use the word YOU
does anybody understand this
Can anybody understand this
As my cross is heavier
It is mine
To not beg is not my pride
As I would hope when someone asks me and I tell them they hear me
No I'm not okay
Something is going on with my body doctors are perplexed at what happens to my hands and feet
Black and blue
I had to do so much with the wet white loaf
I needed to get a new card from office
After bring her home bathing her down to freshen her up
Then to do that wet load
To come up make pasta for her
Fold the laundry
Get things ready for the morning
Brutal
Just brutal
I WILL CARRY MY CROSS
I WILL TAKE CARE OF EVA
AND SHE Will remember
I was never not here for her
Never for a moment have I not been able to see
I am constant in her life

Writing to Corissa and reminding her that this is not how a grown up behaves
And that I will not beg for something that is obvious if one hears and see
I can't do the things my body does
I will carry my Cross

I had to write her again
Something I did not want to have done after already writing her
Cried all the way home together
I held her hand the entire ride home and let her cry it out
Angry
You bet
And then the phone rang
It was her
Yelled out to Eva to pick up the phone
As I picked up before answering machine would
Asked where she was
About 50 miles away at a Friends parents house
Yup
You would think the parents would have probed figured out a 19 year old not working not a graduate and the clothes on her back
Okay
Maybe not the kind of paranting I would do having some of Corissas run always
Had them contact their parents and return the next day
No I'm not okay
She will be graduating kindergarten
Putting on a show
Told the teacher I was giving up my ticket for mother and BFF (her titti Corissa)
I am so angry
I am that Eva all over again
Truly literally like Ground Hog Day
I broke inside hearing her cry it out
She cried so hard
And there was nothing I could do but let her
She hasn't really cried yet
Yeah the tears would well up her eyes
Just wanted to punch a wall
So angry
Today mad her her breakfast in the shape of a bear
She smiled and was happy
Hoping she will stay in that mood
Raining here
Gloomy
"Gloomy Sunday"
Me

Roller coaster ride
No stop surpressing emotions and tears
And this ride doesn't stop
I'm holding on for dear life
One day at a time
So broken
Me

Attention
Heaven forbid I do not go to the shore with my so and partner
And my baby sister
Because my son wants to do things his way and doesn't know how not to bring up certain things at places that should be fun to be at
I wanted to avoid that
Never expressing this I decline
And OMG
All hell broke loose
The foul mouth utter disrespect
Shut him down
Broke his finger with some truth
Stopped real quickly
Having to remind him I can't take flight when I want to
And run away for a couple of days
I have a grandchild I am responsible for
And what was his excuse about being a uncle to his niece Eva
Nothing to say
That was the end of him picking a fight
He was someone I wasn't ready to hang with
Not now
Not till he gets clean
And I doesn't hurt any less having to say no
But getting better at it
And turn it over to Heavenly Father
Moving on
My eldest missing me
My granddaughter mother my third child in a fog
And my youngest still hasn't seen enough
Will be home today
Each of them having different personalities haveing to deal with them differently
Learning to walk away from some things
For the good of my health
I call my baby sister and asked what was said in any reference to me in anyway
Sure enough
She tells him I declined to come
Which now explains the rant of texting I got from him
Wasn't having it
Sometimes I feel as if I give attention to one the other gets upset
Childish behavior
And they try to pick fights with me
And I don't give them the chance
Foolish
Foolish
Me