Sorry to hear that you had to spend more time in the hospital. I hope you are doing better now that you are back home again.

You concerns so appreciated
I haven’t had a chance to collect myself
My child has taken flight with someone she met on social media
It has always been a strain
I have a difficult time with all that is happening
It is not my nature to become dependent as I have pushed so much down it now is eating away at my body
To have lost the ability to do all that I did to have lost the ability to work at 49 still haunts me
Eva is the only person left for me to raise
For the harder times are ahead
And there is fear that my last child took flight as she did
As a mother who made them first on all my decisions I failed myself
Putting myself last was the only mistake
I now pay the price
I am baffled how easily one can not care
Having to deal with all this pain both physically and more importantly mentally
I try my hardest to hand it over 100% but the Moyer in me takes back.1%
And it doesn’t work that way
I must hand it completely over
To have just been diagnosed with Raynaud and to learn number one cause be stress and two weeks later be laid up in the hospital and be diagnosed with atrial fibrillation is just like dying slowly
I have but this lifetime hoping to get it right
And I’m saddened by my own
I’m so sorry I didn’t let myself be loved for fear my children would be hurt in some way
And here I am
57 with a beautiful body that is so badly broken
My spirit to follow
My mind tells me what I gotta do but my body can’t follow
Depression is stress like pancakes on a plate smothered in sweet syrup only to make it taste good
But a killer
Silent it is
And I don’t even like pancakes
Whatever happened to me I wonder
How did I let myself into this mess
I’m fighting for my life to take care of a child who’s parents are not doing well
So here I lay praying that I get through another day with the Lords help and be careful and kinder to myself
As it is what it is
You concern so appreciated
Be kind to you
Me

My body slowly rotting
Just so many things gone wrong
I remember it like yesterday
Thinking I had a stiff neck
From that moment on the list of troubles
are to many to handle
I wake meditate take my meds put one aching foot in front of the other night comes and pray
Not even in sleep can I not feel pain
Just one moment by moment
She is what give me purpose
Having to get her ready for second grade
A special little girl for certain she is in my life for a reason
I am her everything
I cannot believe how much time has passed since joining
Wishing all the very best
Me

Having a body that continues to fail
Is very discouraging
But it is what it is
A doctor today
And five more in the nest nine days
It just never ends
Then to tend to the everyday things in life that makes is go round
Constant interruptions by parents who still are so ungrateful
I have come to understand I must treat my children as if they were a drug
How sad is that
And with Heavenly Father holding my hand
And the beat goes on
Eva is a happy seven year old
Her mother again disrupting her life
And I must do what I’d rather not
In Jesus I trust
Oh how I just don’t want to feel
Hoping all are well
Me

Eva,
In spite of everything; little Eva still is a happy 7 year old. Your trust in Jesus along with the Heavenly Father holding your hand will keep you and her in His care.

Do you still have the picture of my painting of the Divine Mercy, which I emailed to you a few years ago, with the inscription "Jesus I Trust in You"?


Gerry

Hello Gerry
Yes I do
Thank you for it
And thank you for remembering
The few thing I can reflect on
Never alone

It is sad that so much pain has a hold on this tiny family
How everything is not just minor
They are very difficult problems
And knowing I must pray that they find him sooner than later
To have the worst fears come true would be terrible
And my body has begun to reject all the stress of the worry loosing them

Eva is a happy child
I wonder having raised Corissa along with my older children from my marriage
Will she too get to that point in life when she runs to me in frustration
I have knowledge to offer nothing but precious knowledge
May they use it and apply it as I only speak of experience

I will always be mommy
And to Eva that is what I have been to her
Never to take that from her mother
However my daughter still isn’t doing what she must and put ther father before Eva
I have to make the decision of adopting her
It is all so much to deal with
Again my daughter has begun to act out on me
And I turn the phone off
I do not speak with her
And Eva doesn’t want to pick up the phone and speak to her Orr the father
But I leave the machine on so she could leave a message
Thanks for your input
Take care

Was at cardiologist
Told yo ho to the hospital
Couldn’t
Nobody to care for Eva
Till I have my baby sister to care for her
Will then and only then can I have it done
I’m so sad how all is
May I hold till I get to go to the hospital
So done
With this family
Just so done
So much to talk about
Just to tired
Me