for it is all pain
all sadness
all crap hitting the fan
i don't want to be the go to person
i want to go on
i am lost in this depressing world
i have no desire for sadness to plague me first thing
waking up all hours of the night
crying feeling like turd

hands and feet do not function upon waking
my fingers they are such a necessity my feet
upon standing i be doing the shuffle

too sit on the potty
is pain as squatting has become more difficult
my physical life is declining as the hours move on
my life prior from my becoming ill
I WAS Wonder Woman
guess what the operative word is
capable of doing so much
now
it hurts to fart from the back up
burp from my neck down

heck to speak of such things
sick
really sick
i qualify

i just do not want to be that negative mean WOMAN

why have i given up

i want to be happy

just not happening

I will feel for you.

dear Dave
if you could
arch your back
as much as you can
reach your arms to the sun
feel it
enjoy it
me

Alas, my back is bent and broken,
I cannot raise my arms to the sun,
Huddled and cold I lay here,
Yet, still I feel your warmth.

you special angel
thank you
you understand as many do
i so am happy to know you
and to learn of your Spirit
don't ever loose it
i thought i let things go
and turn it over to God
i am just so angry
cannot hold that knife
and delve into my passion
cooking
taken away
i am a sap right now
again
thank you for your positive vibe
You are my blessing today
Amen
me

You are not the negative mean woman !

I feel your pain....been in bed most of this week. I had been doing pretty well and have no idea what happened but out of the blue I was down and out. Only got up to eat and use the bathroom and it hurts my hand when I wipe after I tt !

No giving up you hear ? You are a very strong woman and have always shown that in your writings. It's ok to be down just don't stay there my friend.

Please let us know how you are doing because we care about you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Debi from Georgia

how have you been dealing with
the ever caring devil that gets to
screw with me quite a bit
for a very long time
and it baffles me that God will
allow him to screw with me for so long
not months
most my life
like i written in the past
a gray cloud over my family

i am ever so sorry you are bed ridden
that makes me sad
there is so much laundry
a sixteen year old who is the laziest
of all my children
and in puts a strain on our relationship
things that are expected especially in
the common areas
this is a job in itself

do you have a loved one that cares and listens (STILL)
as we go through what we do

my eldest daughter Saraeve my angel
expressed how angry she is at my illness
this from a woman whose life was cut at the knees @ 23
she was kicking butt
had to change her career
she is a recognized poet
and a publishing company
will be publishing a "BOOK"
that's is right a book
how awesome is that
a epileptic
2 brain surgeries
removal of part of her occipital lobe
removed
the trade off permanent blindness
10 years of depression
as she still suffers
it was not successful
and now has a VNS implant in her chest area

she too suffers
clinical depression
i have four children
and a grand mama
i'm called mimma

i hope your funk
leaves you in one breath

dear Lord
let debi and myself
feel some relief
in Jesus name
thank you for being a friend
and has made me understand
she too is in a awful funk
sending you hugs of love
me

Sweet Eva....first time I've been on since I wrote to you. 4 days of steroids have helped me very much but I know it won't last. I'll take these few days and enjoy them and pray the bad days stay away for awhile.

I'm Grammy to my grandchildren...ages 8 to 17. My son lost his way in June but found us again this month. He had to find his way back by himself. Nothing I could do for him at that point. Finally stood up for myself for the first time ever with either of my kids. After what I've been through I realized I have to protect myself, my sanity, my happiness.

I think of you often and hope you get relief.

Your daughter is an amazing woman ! I know you are so proud of her.

And yes, I have a 'someone' to talk to. I also have a wonderful daughter that listens to me, cooks for me and is who I rely on for almost everything. She has strong shoulders that girl of mine.

Take care and know I'm thinking of you sweet Lady

Debi from Georgia

well the days of a new year i upon us shortly
the cold is here to much to do just to get ready to go anywhere
my eyes open
find i have slept in fetal position all night
then to stretch out my body
take my morning meds with hot coffee
to get it in my system as quick as possible
and strong coffee with the headache i have
every morning doctors orders
rather than taking otc pain relief
and then i'll pinch the skin between my my thumb
and pointer finger
try it sometimes
especially when it's kicking
my gut is empty
waiting for my belly laughs
i do not know what happened to me
in every way
does this mean the devil gets a piece of me
it is not him i seek
it is my Almighty Father with that worn flannel shirt
that has the smell of true love
my angels who are my protectors
as i ask the angels assigned to watch over
each of my family members

i do not know why i am in this terrible
funk

well the years are coming and going
hope to still have the opportunity
for love in my life from a human being
who is open to getting to know and
come to love who i am
in Jesus name
who can make anything happen

the happiness of my children
priority

yet i don't want to be forgotten

Father i love you and must trust in you

those who feel as i do and cannot shake it
don't do anything at all
there Will be another day love
me

Who would ever forget your dear, sweet, wonderful writings ?

You walk with the Father and keep the faith for a lot of us on here.

Good things are coming your way. I have faith.

Debi from Georgia