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i don't want to feel anymore

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Old 12-16-2014, 11:01 AM   #1
eva5667faliure
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Default i don't want to feel anymore

for it is all pain
all sadness
all crap hitting the fan
i don't want to be the go to person
i want to go on
i am lost in this depressing world
i have no desire for sadness to plague me first thing
waking up all hours of the night
crying feeling like turd

hands and feet do not function upon waking
my fingers they are such a necessity my feet
upon standing i be doing the shuffle

too sit on the potty
is pain as squatting has become more difficult
my physical life is declining as the hours move on
my life prior from my becoming ill
I WAS Wonder Woman
guess what the operative word is
capable of doing so much
now
it hurts to fart from the back up
burp from my neck down

heck to speak of such things
sick
really sick
i qualify

i just do not want to be that negative mean WOMAN

why have i given up

i want to be happy

just not happening
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Old 12-16-2014, 08:32 PM   #2
EnglishDave
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Cool Smirk You don't want to feel any more.

I will feel for you.
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Old 12-17-2014, 06:17 PM   #3
eva5667faliure
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Originally Posted by EnglishDave View Post
I will feel for you.
dear Dave
if you could
arch your back
as much as you can
reach your arms to the sun
feel it
enjoy it
me
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:00 PM   #4
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Cool Smirk Feeling

Alas, my back is bent and broken,
I cannot raise my arms to the sun,
Huddled and cold I lay here,
Yet, still I feel your warmth.
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Old 12-18-2014, 08:26 AM   #5
eva5667faliure
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EnglishDave View Post
Alas, my back is bent and broken,
I cannot raise my arms to the sun,
Huddled and cold I lay here,
Yet, still I feel your warmth.
you special angel
thank you
you understand as many do
i so am happy to know you
and to learn of your Spirit
don't ever loose it
i thought i let things go
and turn it over to God
i am just so angry
cannot hold that knife
and delve into my passion
cooking
taken away
i am a sap right now
again
thank you for your positive vibe
You are my blessing today
Amen
me
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Old 12-20-2014, 04:19 AM   #6
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Default Dear eva

You are not the negative mean woman !

I feel your pain....been in bed most of this week. I had been doing pretty well and have no idea what happened but out of the blue I was down and out. Only got up to eat and use the bathroom and it hurts my hand when I wipe after I tt !

No giving up you hear ? You are a very strong woman and have always shown that in your writings. It's ok to be down just don't stay there my friend.

Please let us know how you are doing because we care about you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Debi from Georgia
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Old 12-20-2014, 10:27 AM   #7
eva5667faliure
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Default Debi

how have you been dealing with
the ever caring devil that gets to
screw with me quite a bit
for a very long time
and it baffles me that God will
allow him to screw with me for so long
not months
most my life
like i written in the past
a gray cloud over my family

i am ever so sorry you are bed ridden
that makes me sad
there is so much laundry
a sixteen year old who is the laziest
of all my children
and in puts a strain on our relationship
things that are expected especially in
the common areas
this is a job in itself

do you have a loved one that cares and listens (STILL)
as we go through what we do

my eldest daughter Saraeve my angel
expressed how angry she is at my illness
this from a woman whose life was cut at the knees @ 23
she was kicking butt
had to change her career
she is a recognized poet
and a publishing company
will be publishing a "BOOK"
that's is right a book
how awesome is that
a epileptic
2 brain surgeries
removal of part of her occipital lobe
removed
the trade off permanent blindness
10 years of depression
as she still suffers
it was not successful
and now has a VNS implant in her chest area

she too suffers
clinical depression
i have four children
and a grand mama
i'm called mimma

i hope your funk
leaves you in one breath

dear Lord
let debi and myself
feel some relief
in Jesus name
thank you for being a friend
and has made me understand
she too is in a awful funk
sending you hugs of love
me
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Old 12-23-2014, 01:51 AM   #8
ger715
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Heart

Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
for it is all pain
all sadness
all crap hitting the fan
i don't want to be the go to person
i want to go on
i am lost in this depressing world
i have no desire for sadness to plague me first thing
waking up all hours of the night
crying feeling like turd

hands and feet do not function upon waking
my fingers they are such a necessity my feet
upon standing i be doing the shuffle

too sit on the potty
is pain as squatting has become more difficult
my physical life is declining as the hours move on
my life prior from my becoming ill
I WAS Wonder Woman
guess what the operative word is
capable of doing so much
now
it hurts to fart from the back up
burp from my neck down

heck to speak of such things
sick
really sick
i qualify

i just do not want to be that negative mean WOMAN

why have i given up

i want to be happy

just not happening


Eva,

With all that's going out with your children; it's understandable to be down; but; and the "Big But....is smiling little Eva. When you get a chance will you please post a picture of her. Those "beautiful dark eyes". I probably don't have it right; but I know she would call you something like MeMaw.

Hang in there with me my dear friend. Some of the meds may have lost their effectivenes. Meds for depression at times, actually can add to the depression. It takes quite a while to get the right dose; even for just a shot time. How much longer will you need to be on the Tamoxifien??

Love & Prayers,

Gerry
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Old 12-25-2014, 03:23 AM   #9
eva5667faliure
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Originally Posted by ger715 View Post
Eva,

With all that's going out with your children; it's understandable to be down; but; and the "Big But....is smiling little Eva. When you get a chance will you please post a picture of her. Those "beautiful dark eyes". I probably don't have it right; but I know she would call you something like MeMaw.

Hang in there with me my dear friend. Some of the meds may have lost their effectivenes. Meds for depression at times, actually can add to the depression. It takes quite a while to get the right dose; even for just a shot time. How much longer will you need to be on the Tamoxifien??

Love & Prayers,

Gerry
dearest Gerry

i am on Femra that replaces the Tamoxifen
kicking my butt
the sweats are back
on 100 mg Zoloft Generic
there isn't much change on a depressive state
since on the Femra many changes
terrible
my hands and feet
my skull my ears i feel it all
so unusual
do not even know to explain it
just do

thank you i'll be hanging in there
there is no option
and it be Corissa and Eva

love to you and family
during this very holy time
happy birthday Jesus
AMEN
me
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Old 12-26-2014, 11:43 PM   #10
ger715
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eva5667faliure View Post
dearest Gerry

i am on Femra that replaces the Tamoxifen
kicking my butt
the sweats are back
on 100 mg Zoloft Generic
there isn't much change on a depressive state
since on the Femra many changes
terrible
my hands and feet
my skull my ears i feel it all
so unusual
do not even know to explain it
just do

thank you i'll be hanging in there
there is no option
and it be Corissa and Eva

love to you and family
during this very holy time
happy birthday Jesus
AMEN
me

Eva,
It seems you had many of those issues when you first went on the Tamoxifen. Was there any special reason for the change? I think at the time you posted you were going to have to take the Tamoxifen for 5 years. It must be 3 or 4 years that you first started taking it. I think??
Have you tried Paxil for the depression?

Hope you, Corissa, and little Eva had a loving Christmas.

Take care dear friend,

Gerry
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