[jeffandjohn]

There is no single one serious event which has happened to me, but all the smallest things add up to depression.

I try to outline my current status as neatly as possible, I don't want to bore people by writing long story.

I am 30-year-old, being unemployed for three years, not actively (not at all in fact) searching for any employment or education. I live with my parent and I don't pay them any rents or bills so I am still 'surviving' now. I have very bad relationship with my family members. Although we are still living together, they haven't talked to me or spoke a single word to me for a couple of years, and of course, we haven't had meals for a very long time.

I don't have friends. not even ONE. No one has ever called me or sent me a message for at least 5 years, I have left them (or they have left me) completely. I can't keep any friends, not at all. Most of the time we ended up with quarrel or even fight and then our friendship broke.

I have no job, no money, no friends, no marriage, and worst of all, I have lost all the confidence. I have problems talking to any random unimportant people, in the last three years of being unemployed, I don't even have an instant moment of looking for a job interview. I am quite certain that I will fail to market or even make a simple intro of myself to the interviewee.

I try to avoid reading news or facebook, but sometimes when I checked the facebook of my old 'friends' and see they are having such a wonderful life - great job, great marriage, great travel trip, a lot of friends... I don't really feel jealous, and it's actually not a feeling of jealousy, it's a very bad feeling of a very big contrast. I just simply feel so depressed that I don't know how to tell.

[JimInMI]

J&J, your situation is similar to mine with 2 exceptions: I'm 54 and I get along with 'most' of my family. I don't have a Facebook account, but I suggest giving it up for awhile. The virtual world can sometimes be more painful than the real. Jim

[EnglishDave]

Jeffandjohn - (and Jim too),
I went across and read your Anxiety/OCD Post to get background. I know you specifically said you cannot, and that is why you posted here, but you MUST see a Doctor.
In 1983 I had my first full-blown, run away, Panic Attack with no warning, no pre-existing condition. I was too scared physically to confront my illness for a long time. It did not go away, it ruined my social life - luckily I had a caring American employer who understood, or that side of my life would have been ruined as well. Until I got treatment my Anxiety spiralled uncontrollably, and you are likely to find the same.
This, as you are finding, inevitably leads to Depression, and each feeds off the other. This must not go untreated.
Ok, I know it's VERY hard. Your home/family/job/health life all contribute to how you are now, and I do not expect you to march into the Doctor's office tomorrow and tell them everything. Start small, set yourself attainable goals.
Does your parent know of your OCD/Anxiety struggle? If not, and talking triggers attacks like me, write a letter. That might be a starting point anyway.
Read a few News stories in the morning. Take a 5 minute walk. Read the Job Vacancies columns.
Next week watch the News. Take 10 minute walks. Register with a Doctor…
All small, easy steps you can take to get you the help you need to get your life back and repair your relationships.

Dave.