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Old 10-15-2015, 05:58 AM #1
anon6618
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Default Questions about suicidal thoughts

First: I want to ask something about suicidal thoughts. I don't know if it is considered triggering, if it is; sorry and I'll delete it

I want to know if this is recognisable.
The thoughts about suicide aren't active ones. Not like planning to do this or that. or at that precise moment. I am however sometimes looking online at ways to do it.
It's more like giving me peace at moments I'm not being able to take it any more. The thought of the possibility is comforting. And that is probably not very healthy.

When I'm terrible stressed, in panic, in pain, I sometimes tell myself: if it really all goes downhill so fast, there is always suicide. It's not a solution for now, but it is a possible one in the future when it's neccesary. "If everything you're afraid of goes wrong, you simple kill yourself and that's that." Those thoughts can give me some peace when nothing else helps.

I feel totally crazy having those thoughts, but on the other hand it's not up for discussion and I want to keep thinking it because 1) it helps me at those moments, 2) for me it is a realistic option 3) I have the right and will not call it suicide but more likely rational suicide / self euthanesia.
(Note, I have multiple diseases like a neuromusculair disease and blood disease, hence my believe of not really calling it suicide and my pain/disabilities/etc are a big factor in my thoughts)

Is there anyone out there who recognises this?
I hope I don't sound fully crazy. I'm not, I'm just tired.
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Old 10-16-2015, 01:51 PM #2
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Hi Ravenclaw,

Well you are right, it's not healthy

I would like to gently suggest you seek the help of a Mental Health Professional.

I was once very depressed and suicidal and I could no longer cope. My perception was my family would have a better life without me. You see, when depression takes over to that point the person is no longer rational.

When the depression and hopelessness lifted it scared me to know how close to the edge I had been and how devastated my husband and children would have been. I have felt very thankful I never followed through.

One of the experiences I have had (more than once) is suicidal thoughts with and without depression. These experiences happened because of medication side effects.

When I was a kid and was suicidal I tried to talk to my mother and she told me I didn't have the guts to do it. Wow, not a compassionate person

What I learned through all of my experiences is it take more "guts" to NOT commit suicide then to do it.

You may want to post over on the "survivors of suicide" forum. I know they would be more than willing to talk to you and will give you another perspective on this topic.
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

Take care Ravenclaw
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Old 10-16-2015, 04:31 PM #3
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We have a Survivors of Suicide forum, with members and/or their family members that have been in similar situations.
It's not limited to those that physically survived an attempt.
A lot of support and info there.
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

Per our site guidelines -
We do prefer discussions of a primarily suicidal (and self euthanasia) should be made to the SOS forum.

Politics, Religion and Suicide - Due to the sensitive nature of those topics there is limited discussion allowed.
[Limit your direct discussion of politics, as people usually hold pretty strong opinions about this topic. Use the Politics Icon when posting a political thread.
- Posts of a mostly religious nature should be made to the Spiritual Support forum]
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Old 10-16-2015, 05:49 PM #4
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Hi Ravenclaw,

I believe you should try to find it in yourself to put this subject up for discussion - with a qualified Therapist. Having my list of ailments and level of pain I was at my lowest in 2012, driven by my Depressive Personality Disorder.

Despite being closed off and introverted, I recognised the danger to myself and sought help from my GP, who arranged emergency Counselling. It got me through the darkest times and made me think more clearly and rationally. Things with my Therapist did go wrong after my Cancer dx, but by then my mindset had been changed.

There is a depressive mental effect from thinking about suicide the way you are doing. It can lead to more damaging thoughts.

Dave.
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Old 10-19-2015, 06:23 PM #5
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Ravensclaw

Have you considered the possibility that the thoughts you're having may be a side effect of some of the medications you may be taking for your physical conditions?

I've experienced this. By nature I'm a pragmatic person and I knew it wasn't normal for me to be depressed, even though my physical condition had deteriorated. It took a while to figure out which medication was causing the problem and now I no longer take it I don't have the constant thoughts.
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