Thanks Gerry, I have offered to stand in front and she can slap my cheek, I'll turn and she can slap the other. I pray she finds strength to continue her vitriol towards me because as I said she turned it on one of the nieces who yesterday as a result of it tried to take her life. I hope SIL K thinks of that as a victory & leaves the girl be. I have prayed for SIL K previously, she has only gotten worse, perhaps our combined prayers will make a difference. What I can say for certain she has plotted and planned the destruction her sisters family. Jealousy is strong within her.

They've released our niece today & put her on Diazepam (Valium) 2mg x3 a day. I'm not confident Valium in the hands of a young woman who has tried to take her life the best solution, but I'm in Aus & they're in Wales & there is nothing I can do other than pray. SIL G remains on thin ice, I pray she finds the strength to say to husband T & SIL K I need to be as they said to be in rehab - selfish. And by that, I mean I hope she goes back to rehab as the experts want her too. DB has put his head in the sand, he can't cope with any of it, not even a mention of it. All of this because we celebrated our Silver Wedding Anniversary. My tears have stopped, I just feel numb & overwhelmed with it all.

Pam,
Your SIL is right to be selfish. My daughter, while in rehab, was informed often about the importance of the need to be selfish; Otherwise, they will be no good for them self nor anyone else . Hope and pray she will go back to rehab.

So sorry you have been overwhelmed by all of the goings on; especially with SIL K as well as DB. He appears to be in denial. Would be good if he could go for a refresher rehab course.


Gerry

Jealousy that strong is a sickness.

As some of you know I phoned to speak with SIL K to apologise for any angst I may have ever caused her. I thought it would have put things to bed and quietened down all the angst over there. Sadly no, now, she is calling the niece K who has been recently suicidal and sending her nasty messages saying K has tried to create a wedge between her and her brother. Niece K sent me a photo on the weekend, she had been beaten up, it seems she mixed the Valium with MJ and of course not a good mix, smashed out of her mind and someone tried to take advantage & steal her belongings. SIL K sent her a message saying she deserved all that she gets and good she got hurt. I can't understand it, this is a 60 yr old woman for goodness sake, sending petty Facebook messages on public forums using fake names saying you think your so smart you can't block me and causing no end of trouble. It just doesn't make sense.

I spoke with niece K this morning and told her as I have said before, say nothing at all. Do not respond, do not engage in playing games. She has enough to deal with having no job, lost her home & now living in a hostel. I told niece K I had phoned and apologised to her Aunty K & I truly thought it would smooth things over.

SIL G sent me a message saying it takes 2 to argue, so SIL K must have told her of my apology but by the sound of it not accepted. SIL G said I've done my part and both she & I have enough on our plates to deal with. I wrote back yes we have & reiterated to SIL G how important it is she not get involved in any of this stuff, if she feels her sobriety threatened in any way to go back to rehab.

Now K tells me this morning she thinks her mother SIL G is drinking again. I'm not sure I believe K, she was definitely on something when I spoke with her so her judgement and opinions combined with her recent risky behaviour somewhat questionable. In so many ways, I will be glad to be having this operation where I can outright say, I need to be selfish and look after myself, you are all adults and I can't be the one to fix everything for everyone. It's beyond my realm of desire anymore.

just won't stop
It is so close to this families storyline
Common denominator mind altering ingestion
And left to their own devices
Mom wanted to pick up yesterday
While I had a situation going on at home with my youngest
Such a long situation to even start talking about
But found in the end how used and mistaken they are
She hurt us again with the lies
Never made it to school to register
My granddaughter home sick
Happy to see her titti said she wanted to stay a few nights and if okay get in a routine going to school spend time here as hell and a broken heart be healed
Fell to pieces as I had no money to give her she owed someone so needed to go back
That just s taste while mom on the line with me
Then a old friend from the rooms
Having s hard time
Called and is worried that she shaved her head
Is that the important issue at hand I thought
It shouldn't be a thought
Just to be truthful and that be the important and only concern
The truth
Why am I the go to person and expected to respond
ASAP
having no clue how many things that were going on at once
And I said to myself
I can only do what I can
And
No I will not allow myself to be used
As I expressed to my youngest
In glad she thought it out and had a situation that would work all the way around
Only for it to have been talk talk talk

What I want to know
How is it that we wind up being blamed for every single
Untruthful story that just feeds off negative toxic people that want to pull and keep that person a prisoner in her own mind
"He makes me feel safe"
If that were the case it wouldn't be happening as it is being unfolded
And now
WE do

Posted so I wouldn't disappear

Why can't I just say I can't at this moment I'm going through a little something myself

What is it that I feel so badly and not to find the same in return
But the complete opposite
Mean spirited
And that just puts me in the mind frame
And begging to think
How selfish
Doesn't anybody look at me and see what I'm feeling
To not be a thought
Only when problem arises
Or they need money
As if I have it to give
Going through the coin bottle to give her for her return
And the at the same time on the phone with her dada requesting car service
She is using me once again and I caught her
Will not respond
But again

HOW IS IT THAT WE ARE THE ONES THAT ARE HURT
BY THE LIES LIES LIES
HOW DO I MOVE FORWARD
one step at a time
One step at a time
I'm sorry that on top of this thing called physical pain
Oh how I pray for it to be lifted
The scary possibility of this wait
But having to let Father to handle where I can't must be first right NOW
all else WILL FOLLOW
FOR US AND THOSE WHO ARE IN THE AME BOAT
HOLDING ON WITH YOU
THANKS for the ENCOURAGING support
Here for ya
This place is different
Love me

I am nothing, I am no one. All I have done to be supportive, even putting my own health and safety has been shown to be for nought. Where I tried to be strong, to put my head down and carry on has been misinterpreted for strength. My tears as you know were never ending, DB not once offered an ounce of compassion or care, I struggled through getting off antidepressants on my own. I struggled through the addiction and subsequent withdrawals from Xanax on my own. I battled through my dependence on oxynorm to reduce them for the problems they gave my bowel so instead of getting bowel obstructions I lived with the crippling pain and I still got up and tried my hardest to live a life, I tried hard to support the man who I once called my rock. But I can see clearly now, he’s never been anything other than a constant drain on me, using me as his crutch to get by. Blaming me for all that is wrong in his life.

The latest, he never wanted to come here to Aus, quite shocked he was when I reminded him I told him not to come, stunned when I reminded him I was going regardless. In all my times of need he has been absent.

He threw in my face the failed IVF, I said you never even spoke to me of it and he said you told me “I killed the twins - well I googled it and that’s not true” I said no, I told you the nurses told me they were twin foetus, I was 13 weeks and I lost them, I went to hospital on my own, I said you may as well have contributed to the loss of them because you clearly showed me you didn’t care - I stayed in hospital overnight for two nights, you never came, I had to lie to them on discharge and say you were in the car park. I caught a taxi home on my own. I cried in the arms of your bosses wife. You never held me or comforted me. You never spoke to me about it. The only time you did was when I said to you I’m not sure I can go through this again, I went on my own to see our GP, you didn’t want to come, she told me the first time we got it for free under her funding allowance but she said she wouldn’t pay for it again. You said not one word about doing it again other than well we can’t afford it. So I never pursued it, and in those days you were all about reminding me I only had somewhere to live because your job provided the roof over our head.

Fast forward many years of lies, deceit and alcohol, you have slept with the young girl I tried to help, who I now know lied and deceived us both, but she saw my life and she wanted it. Even changing her hair to how mine was when we married 25 yrs ago.

I am nothing and no one, I can’t tell my family the whole truth other than to say please remove and block her. Now they are all laughing at me behind my back, sharing messages saying I’ve got egg on my face because they could see she was deceitful and lying and I couldn’t. I told my sister how can you all engage in such things about me, patting yourselves on the back and saying well done to you for seeing what she was. I have a valid excuse for not seeing, I was seriously ill, I was on morphine 3 to 4 times a day from July 12th, I needed someone to look after my pets so we could go away (none of you offered) she did & she seemed ok with them, I was on even more morphine and with Valium added when I returned and she spun the story of being homeless and nowhere to go so I allowed her to stay here out of a sense of decency because I didn’t want what was presented as a young traumatised girl on the street with no job. How was I to know she already had planned on stealing my life, my everything.

As for my husband, I have repeatedly since the beginning of October given him the chance to come clean, he may have only engaged in sex with her from November 11th, but he was clearly thinking about it. I gave him the chance to be honest before it happened, I asked him to go to marriage counseling but he refused.

I am nothing and no one now. I’m just a foolish woman who tried to help her husband. The reason we met her in the first instance was because I had to get painters in to tidy the house up. And now according to my family I have egg on my face because I invited her into our life. Do they think I don’t know that. But to laugh at me behind my back, make fun of me when I’m at my lowest ebb. I’m sick, I’m in pain, I’ve been betrayed and made a fool of by my husband who I foolishly trusted.

I am nothing, I am no one. I wish I was dead. I nearly died twice in hospital in the last 3 months. Why would god bring me back to face this duress, have I been so wrong to offer unconditional support, no questions, just concern.

I am truly no one just someone who everyone, my family included has used and abused, betrayed and laughed at. I can’t see the point in living when I can see I have no one. Those I loved, it’s been a one way street. Just me loving them, they just take take and more take.

((( Pamela ))) How I wish I had words for you. I do have love

So as well as being unwell, I have to find somewhere to live and fast, he needs a break according to The counsellor. He’s the hard done by one. I’m the one that’s been sick and bought him down.

My dear sweet sister
Make no mistake
It isn’t you
And you are not to be the one who has to go through this alone
We I are here
You are everything they do no not deserve
They are not your concern now
Oh how easy it may be for me to say that
Never
You are the wife I would have been
I too alone on the other side of the fence
All because I had a sick father and knew I had children I needed to protect and my mother laughs
As I went through this life alone
Yet it is in my sickness and in my disparity have I gotten to that point of letting it all go
Where ever the chips may fall
So be it
It wasn’t God who did this
It was the evil of selfishness self centeredness
You have done no wrong
And yes time has gone by
Our journey heaven
Which I fir one still have to fight
EVERY SINGLE MORNING
psych myself up with prayer
And tell myself I will not let sadness take my life
I WILL NOT LET SADNESS TAKE MY LIFE
making it back from the doctor yesterday
So let’s up you blood pressure medicine another 25mg
Now up to 75mg a day
My pressure
A direct indicator of my life
In addition the same pain we share physically
How I am holding you tightly at this moment
You are everything
You are real
You are the person who became ill and make no mistake I don’t know how another can abuse one when ill
You did nothing wrong
I could go on and on
But that wouldn’t take away the hurt you are feeling
It hurts to the core
You everything is nothing
May they crawl under a rock as that where behavior like that belongs
You are everything a decent human would want
You are precious
You are beauty
You are real and do not have to go through this alone
We are here
I am here
I want you to not take their actions and put it in yourself
You did not see it coming for reasons that you and only a decent human being would want to do when someone is down
In this cruel cold world nothing comes easy
But one thing for certain
The more and more I reach for happiness
I see I am responsible not to be afraid of the things that may not work out how I would like it
And it was so hard letting go and truly letting God Be the one to orchestrate my life as he sees fit
PamelaJune you are are wonderful beautiful woman who got the only burn
Can you
Would you look at this as something you would rather know he would go there and not wonder
Or not that you did wonder
But in the end he let it happen
She just seen an opportunity and destroyed his life
For you are the woman I would choose
Let your feelings empower you
Don’t take the poop
Do not stand for it