eva5667faliure -- Are you OK?

Body is failing me
Having so many doctors
Trying to get my BP under control
My heart heartbroken
And stress when I let it get the best of me
My cardiac surgeon used my flacainide to the max
Hoping no breakthrough to happen
My both balloons in my chest have my radical mastectomy
Needs to be removed and the surgeon has all the information he requested but it is now going on three months not hearing from him even after I called the office three times
Will report him and his failure addressing the botched job
It’s become very painful
Unable to wear a bra
Has a way of eating at my body
To stand and use my hands is difficult
My spine surgery never will be the same
And so much more
And with this all
I still get up at 4:30 in the morning to make my angel her lunch for school
And her breakfast
I start my first set of meds at 6:00

Then there is court still to be addressed April 2nd
She still has no desire yet to have contact
Social services had spoken to her in several occasions and she expressed why
So having to satisfy the municipal judge really upsets me
You cannot force a child to do something they have no desire to
This coming from a child within me that relives my experience
A father who sexually abused me and my middle sister
And a mother who knew and turned her head
Beat me like a boy
Called me names no father should do
And in the end my mother would force us to approach him when we did not want to having fear that only me and my sister know
This from a judge who is just curious at the outcome in superior court
When all I wanted was a order of protection
And not have recent enough proof to satisfy him
The courts haven’t a clue and I am protecting my granddaughter
A honor student happy healthy and productive
All I tell her is do well in school and have fun
Before you know it you will be a grown up
We have a very special bond

So all that is going on
I wake for her
My youngest child will be returning home to be a supportive in everyway
As for my other children I treat them like a drink or drug
And that is what makes me sad when I think about it
And I try hard everyday not to
I wake and pray
We pray
To never let go of his hand
When all is done I look forward to going home
But not yet
Not yet

Hope you are doing well in your life
And can laugh in your day
The best medicine ever
I have become much closer to my sisters as they reach out to me everyday and want me in their lives
Means everything to me

Blessings to you and yours
Will try and return sooner than later
Thank you for your care and interest in me
Just been so much going on
Have a sunny day
Me