NeuroTalk Support Groups - I don't care anymore

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- - I don't care anymore (https://www.neurotalk.org/depression/36026-dont-care-anymore.html)

Thank you highhatsize for taking the time to reply to me.

When I called to cancel my app't with my old doc, I left it open. I just said that I couldn't make my app't on Monday and that I would have to call back to reschedule (pending outcome with new doc). So, I called yesterday and was able to get a script for Adderall. Not a problem. However, I am too depressed to go pick it up.

I saw my vocational counselor today and he could see the depths of my depression. He asked me if I was "in crisis." Well, I know what that means and I said no. However, not being able to function is "in crisis" in my book. He tried to intervene for me and contact the new clinic to see if I could get in sooner. The hours are shorter on Friday, so no one was there to talk to. He left a voice mail on my behalf and if I don't hear from her on Monday, I will call old doc to get in because I just can't go on like this.

The despair is getting to me. I have a weeks worth of mail in my mailbox. I know it's there but I don't want to bring it in. I don't care. My bills are behind and I don't care.

Yup. I got it bad.

Hope

That black hole is no fun at all. I just wanted to leave you a hug this morning and remind you that there really are sides in that hole...you just can't see them right now. :hug:

Here's a thought...

If I don't care... who will?

I guess it's time to advocate for myself. Or as Barbara (Moose) said "it's time to pull up my big girl panties" and get on with it.

Oh man, I hope this attitude lasts... at least until tomorrow. ;)

Love,

Hope

P.S. Thanks Alffe :hug:

Dear Hope,

Don't look at the enormity of your problems. Just do one thing done at a time. Today, make that one thing the picking up of your Adderall prescription. [Edit: I just realized that that won't work since today is Sunday.] In the alternative, pick one thing that you have to do and do it. Eg. Laundry? On Monday, assuming your doctor's office is open, pick up the Adderall.

Cordially,

Quote:

Originally Posted by highhatsize (Post 190022)

Very sensible advice, highhatsize. Thank you.

I did manage to get out and get groceries just now, that was an adventure, considering it's about 10 degrees outside. My fingers are numb. The groceries are sitting on the kitchen table and already I don't feel like putting them away. I did finally bring the mail in yesterday. I've got to do bills but that would make anyone depressed.

To do list for today:

Put groceries away.
Eat dinner.
Do bills (maybe, if I can handle it)

Tomorrow:

Pick up Adderall script & get filled.
Wait for call from clinic, otherwise call to get in with old doc or make another decision.

Baby Steps, thank you.

Hope

That's really good advice Highhat gave you Hope. Set that goal everyday and pat yourself on the back when you accomplish that one thing. :hug:

*whisper....it's 61 degrees here and the sun is shining! *grin

I have delt with depression all of my life so I do know what you are talking about. I have 2 caregivers, one is my daughter so she picks up my meds and grocery shops for me when I can't.

My husband did all of that for me before he passed away. He did everything for me and now I am having to learn how to do it myself.

What I am learning is if it don't get done, don't worry about it. Most people understand what we go through when we deal with depression.

I do know what you mean about the bills. My daughter helps pay mine and she sends them off for me. If it weren't for them I couldn't have made it this long. Luckily this month I will have some extra income starting so that helps.

I hope you get some help with your depression soon. Ask your Dr. for some depression meds. My hubby was on Lexapro and he loved it and I could see how good it worked on him. He use to say everybody should be on it. LOL

I hope you get councelling also. That helps immensly. I have a wonderful councellor and I can call him up anytime and ask for help. They can help you when you go on guilt trips, are suicidal, need help just figuring out a problem.
They help you through your hard times.

I'm glad you found the forum and you will find so much support here.

Take care,
Ada

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreambeliever128 (Post 212169)

Ada, thank you for your reply :)

The depression has lifted quite a bit now. I was on Lexapro too and my doctor increased it from 20 to 30mg and it is helping a lot. I still have problems paying the bills. I think it is a type of denial in a way.... Actually, I think it triggers me because I remember as a little girl watching my Mother's savings account go down, down, down after my Dad left. It really troubles me that I still carry this with me. I am a grown woman... These past couple of years have beaten me up quite badly and I am dealing with a lot of anxiety and uncertainty about my future. It seems like the longer time goes by the harder it gets.

I am seeing a therapist and I really appreciate your concern. :hug:

~Hope