(((((kelly))))

aww sweety....i'm sorry you are feeling all this.

have you had any testing of your hormones? your edrenal system? stress can play havic on us. get surges and then get depleted. i ask this because of you mentioning being short with people. my oldest daughter went through this after extreme stress from her father and step-mother and school.

i am so proud of you for reaching out for help. you are not alone.

Kelly you've had some excellent advice, including journaling..sometimes it's easier to write what we feel.

Are you crying? Our tears are a good thing...
sometimes when life gets so unbarable it's wise to cry it out. Some of us have trouble crying, some of us can't stop.

We are here for you Kelly..please stay in touch. Gentle hugs.

Hi ((Kelly)).

I don't have any history on you, but just seeing the physical problems you deal with throws up a red flag for me! Chronic pain saps absolutely everything, physically and emotionally.

That you can even venture out to see someone is a good thing. Or call someone. Those are both good things, and I feel good knowing you do/did those good things! :D

I hate pain. And I hate depression. I grew up with it and didn't even realize I was in such a depressive state until I had a car accident. And they put me on an antidepressant for the chronic resultant head pain.

Anyway...keep doing what you are doing. If you can, lordy, don't ever go see that one doctor again unless that was a 1-time incident and you can tell him, "What you said was just plain rude and stupid."

If you're on meds for depression, maybe it's time for a change. I hate the med merry-go-round, but when you find the right med, it's a good thing.

Hugs and wishes for a better day today. :)

Allfe,
I have done some crying, but nothing like I usually do. That is what has this bout of depression puzzling. I am most of all angry. It just hurts so badly that sometimes I feel like I am all cried out. What is stressing me out, and everyone is saying I need to stick it out, including ACT. I was told by a friend that I need to do what's best for me. They think that staying in school is best, but I am not so sure. I think a big stress would be lifted off me if I did not have to worry about deadlines, etc. But no one is hearing that locally, except my professor......She just told me I don't NEED to drop the class, but that she'd try to help me through it as much as possible.....That was at least good to hear. The thing that gets me is that with college, if you take time off, you are still expected to do the work....Like as in not go to class. And that is really what is getting me down. I am looking for ways to reduce my stressload, and it seems that is the only way. But, for some reason, my treatment team tells me they feel that if I quit now, I would get "sicker." What they aren't acknowledging is that I am sick now, and the most stressful part of the term is yet to come. I really just want to give up....but if I do, I fear now that it will only get worse. I think the reason people are so adgitating to me right now is that no one who can help me change what I am going through are not listening to me. I am going to try the journaling and showing these posts to my treatment team. I will update you all on how things are going. Thanks again.

Doody,
I have been major depressive and Borderline since I was 14 years old. I am on Effexor, Zoloft, Buspar, Torazodone, and abilify. So, I have been through this before, but it doesn't make the bouts any easier to cope with. I am in assertive community treatment. You can read about it at: http://www.actassociation.org/. And, there is only one pdoc for the ACT clients, so I have to see this doctor. I have been in ACT for almost 2 yrs. and they had an even worse one prior to this one, so I am actually for the most part thankful they changed. He did not change a single one of my meds though, just talked to me about why I shouldn't feel the way I do, and it was very invalidating. That is what talk therapy is for. They are supposed to manage medicines, and nothing more. He is a better doctor than the other one, so I am hoping it was just a bad day for him.

Kelly,

What I have learned is that it is okay to feel the way you do. What is important is what you do with how you feel.

I have days where I wake up depressed, anxious, or some other way of being upset. What the difference is now is how I deal with those feelings. On days like that, I do something for myself. Heck, it may be taking a bouble bath, venting on the internet, taking the kids to the park (yes that is fun for me), or finding some other way to spoil myself.

Also, talk to someone in ACT about how this doctor treated you. Tell them what bothered you. Do not allow yourself to be a victim here. If he is treating you like this, then he could be doing this to other people too. Use your voice and speak up! :) Perhaps if someone talked to him about how he treats people, it will help him to be a better doctor.

Your feelings are your feelings. They are okay. What is important is how you use your feelings.

Now that said, perhaps your doctor is a bit leery on over medicating you. Trust me, some doctors are medication happy. I will not go into my experience, but I had a doctor who piled med upon med on me once and it caused a lot of problems which resulted in me being in the ICU when I was 21and damaged my kidneys. So yes, there are dangers to over doing it with medications. Perhaps in his way, he was trying to challenge you before resorting to another med change. I am not making excauses for him, but a lot of men doctors are crappy communicators. Perhaps he meant something one way but it came out all wrong and made him sound like a jerk. Again, let someone in ACT know what is going on and how he made you feel. Use your voice and be assertive!

Sorry to hijack this thread Kelly.

Alicia,

I have a chemical imballance due to pesticide poisoning when I was 3 and am a recovered anorexic who went through a tramautic assault my 2nd year in college. I have been through a lot of counseling and went inpatient for 4 months when I was 21 years old. It took a lot of hard work, but I have been recovered for 6 years now. I am taking a medication for anxiety that just balances me out and am doing quite well which is now prescribed by my family doctor. I do not even have to see a psycharist anymore. I did have a bit of post partum depression and post tramautic stress going on after the births of the kids due to their rocky starts. I knew what to do. My husband and I both got some counseling so we could get out our feelings. And I go to a therapist from time to time if I am feeling too overwhelmed with it all. And yes, there are times that I feel like there is too much and I cannot take it. But I know that is normal being in my situation and know how to reach out for help if I need it. I feel like I have the tools that I need to take care of myself and my family. Therapy helped me use those those tools. And the medication helps me stay level with the medical/chemical side of things.