[putterfit]

Last night I came close pulling the plug on my life for the third time. On top of the fact that I hate MS and my life, I also hate the fact that I give my soon to be ex so much power over me.

You see I still love her and I just hate divorce and giving up but I know that she is just like my Prostate Cancer and if left alone the both would kill me. The cancer has been radiated and that is what I must do with Anne but the trick is how does one do that after 26 years of being together and loving her through all the thick and thin.

Pretty much the only reason that nothing happened last night was that I was so fatigued from the stress that she caused that I could not get off the couch. The other reason was that I could not do it has to do with my friend Lynda and all of the pets that we continue to rescue and help on a daily basis.

I should have died a multiple number of times last year both by my own hand as well as various medical conditions but I did not. It was not my time but I am still searching for the reason that God has not taken me.

[Snoopy]

Mike, I am really sorry to hear suicide came up again for you. I hope you are in counseling.

I always tell my children "no man or woman is worth taking your life" I believe this can also be said to adults.

Have you been over to the Surviors of Suicide forum? If not here is the link:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

You will find very caring people on that forum who will understand.

Take care of yourself, Mike

[Idealist]

Mike, I know exactly what you are talking about and how it makes you feel. The biggest differences are that I have a different disease, and have been married for 23 years. At a time in our lives when we need love from our spouses the most, it simply isn't there. And the harder you try to restore it, the further away it gets. It's hard to simply let go. I've managed to accept that it's inevitable, and now I'm working to manage my emotions and concentrate on other things. And to tell you the truth, part of me thinks that our upcoming seperation will actually turn out to be good for me in the end. Our marriage hasn't been real for several years anyway. I wish you good luck my friend, and if you ever need someone to talk to about this, I'm always around.

Idealist

[putterfit]

I must say that I have been very fortunate to have found the friends that I have on the various sites that I am a member of. They have all helped me pull my head from a certain part of my body more times than I care to admit.

This last time finally made me realize that I need to get away and stay away from Anne and that is what I will be doing. I have already made arrangements to move about 30 miles south of where I am into another state. I know that if I do not get away her toxins will kill me.

I have taken that first big step to new life.

Mike

[Idealist]

Good for you, Buddy. And good luck, too!

[putterfit]

Originally Posted by Idealist

Good for you, Buddy. And good luck, too!

Thank you for I can not believe how content, happy and at peace I am right now after everything that has gone on these past couple of weeks.

[BiPolarBear]

I think it's pretty disgusting when a spouse checks-out when their spouse is sick.

One of the basic premises of marriage is that it lasts through sickness and in health.

No one has any business checking-out when their spouse is ill...

So what do you do now?

Well, I think your sickness is only exceeded by the learning disability of the person who took vows with you.

Get rid of her. Get her as far away as you can. She is the one killing you, not you.

BPB


QUOTE=putterfit;314442]Last night I came close pulling the plug on my life for the third time. On top of the fact that I hate MS and my life, I also hate the fact that I give my soon to be ex so much power over me.

You see I still love her and I just hate divorce and giving up but I know that she is just like my Prostate Cancer and if left alone the both would kill me. The cancer has been radiated and that is what I must do with Anne but the trick is how does one do that after 26 years of being together and loving her through all the thick and thin.

Pretty much the only reason that nothing happened last night was that I was so fatigued from the stress that she caused that I could not get off the couch. The other reason was that I could not do it has to do with my friend Lynda and all of the pets that we continue to rescue and help on a daily basis.

I should have died a multiple number of times last year both by my own hand as well as various medical conditions but I did not. It was not my time but I am still searching for the reason that God has not taken me.[/QUOTE]