I do so hate asking you once again to give me your support, but I badly need it at the moment, and I also need some advice as well. If you can find it in your hearts to help me out, I will be eternally grateful.

Some of you might have been following the thread that I started where I was talking about the emotional pain that my sister has been causing me, time after time. I just wanted to let you know that she has finally worn me down. Today I was officially diagnosed with depression, and that's a first for me! Never before have I been diagnised with clinical depression. I've been sad in the past, but never truly depressed. I have my self centred, manipulative sister to blame for this.

I've survived so many things that have happened in my life over the past few years, but I had an especially hard time during the last 9 months. It started with major surgery for bowel cancer in September, removal of my cancerous nose and reconstruction surgery in January, the loss of my nursing career of 40 years due to ill health, and upheaval from the state we were happy in due to circumstances out o our control. All this happened over a matter of 3 months.

I had to apply for, and accept payments from the disability services because we just couldn't survive without the income I lost when I had to give up my career.

My brother from whom I was alienated died early May and I never got the chance to resolve the issues that kept us apart. A very close friend died a few days after my brother did, and then May and June have seen the anniversaries of the demise of several people who were very close to my heart. My first baby, 57 yr old mother, my 62 yr old father, my 41 year old sister in law, and a very close girlfriend of many years, all died in a May or a June.

I've had MS for 31 years now and although I've been very strong, fought it all the way and tried not to ever let it get my spirits down, my sister's antics have finally been the straw that broke this camel's back.

She has done to me what over 30 years of chronic illness could not do. She is a very manipulative person who plays games with people's emotions, and unfortunately for me I've been her main punching bag day after day, month after month, year after year.

My sister and the truth have always been easily parted so she quickly gets the unsuspecting on her side. I've no idea what she told the staff at the hospital she has been in, but I got a call from the nurse looking after her yesterday (I had not left my name or number). That nurse told me my sister asked her to ring, because I had upset her (I phoned to give hr my love) by asking her why she was in hospital. I did ask her why she was there, and whether I could help her in any way, all because I love her. Once again my DSis has twisted things to her own purposes, uncaring of who she hurt in the process.

I have always survived in the past. I have always mangaged and I have always fought back. This time my sister has worn me right down.

I've been started on Efexor, and incase it's not called that in the US, it's long name is Venlafaxine. I also have a referral to see a psychologist for counselling, but I have no idea what to expect with that. I've never been one to share a great deal of my feelings, so I'm not sure how this is going to work for me. I tend to be one of those who bottle everything up, only to explode at a later date. Please wish me luck.

With so much on my mind lately I clean forget my appointment with the bowel specialist yesterday that I'd waiting for several months for, to come around. The appointment was to arrange a colonoscopy for a 12 month check up, to make sure the bowel cancer hadn't returned. I already cancelled it once, now I have to wait until nearly Christmas to get another appointment. I'm not sure that I'll be wanting to do this come Christmas this year.

Awwwww, my fragile little furry friend, c'mere and let me give you a long hug.

Now Anne, it's time you started looking after yourself! You've been so busy comforting and supporting your friends, you have neglected YOU! Your weary little shoulders need to get some rest while you recover from all that you've been through.

You haven't had time to even catch your breath for the past 9 months. It's just been one thing after another. You've dealt with 2 bouts of cancer and so many personal losses. Now your poor body is rebelling and insisting you concentrate on how to better manage your thoughts and emotions.

I would think that to begin with, you need to take inventory of what is most important. Then prioritize. You are used to putting YOU at the bottom of the list, but from now on, YOU are #1.

You overcame cancer and you can beat depression. I know you can! Try whatever the docs tell you. See if you can give yourself a mental "sisterectomy." Distance yourself from her until you are stronger and better able to handle the stress she brings.

And listen to this song from "My Fair Lady," to get your courage up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL35lyX48bU&NR=1

Take care, dear Anne. Sincere prayers are being said. Warm thoughts are wafting across the ocean. You can count on your friends here at NeuroTalk to help you through this challenge. We are counting on you to not just "survive," but to "prevail."

Anne - Dear Anne - You have support and understanding.

Dear Anne,
I usually use this for rookies and new members but I'll remind you:

You are not alone.
You are one of us.
And we are here to help.

Granted, opposite sides of the planet and time differences, but we are always here.

Now, your sister.
No matter how it may hurt to do it, cut her loose.
I know, I know. And I'm not saying it to be a jerk. It may hurt to put and keep your distance from her, but what she's doing right now is already hurting you.

When people like that do those things, I push them to arm's length and keep them their. (Not within arm's reach, mind you.) And when it's someone I care about or even loved, it hurts to retaliate that way.

But I have a limit to the pushing I will tolerate before I push back. And as you said, it get's bottled up only to build into an explosion. (I used to be that way. Not so much anymore). But when that happens, I'd hurt myself and the other person without resolving the issue. Not healthy for anyone involved.

Effexor. Yep. We got it here. Tried it years ago for the depression and OCD. Didn't see much on results so I went back to Paxil. But that's just me.

I wish you the best, beautiful.x2

Koala sister . why dont ya just adopt me as little sis. ....Oh ya already did .
and this sis has healing hugs and will be holding you in her prayers tightly!!!
As for visit with councilor ... had many but not sure how it is over the ocean in your country.
When i went i had things written down . we made list and worked on each item going one step at a time. when i had to drive again . first week just get in and sit in car short time then a bit longer. then try to back out of drive way...then drive down street... then around block...you get the pic. I had panic attacks and other issues but i was just sharing the driving thing.
Twink is right exactly right when she stated you NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!! and all of us here will take care of you too. because your my new sister and we are family . you have been threw way to much and you need to "Unload" some of that and lighten the weight you are carrying. lean n us and go to all your apts and take meds and let us help you while you are doing that. holding you in my heart ,my prayers and healing thoughts, anne.
PEACE
BMW

Koala...please know that I am thinking of you.

Koala I hope you are getting your sleep and eating .Keeping you tight in my prayers and thoughts.
I am off to send my prayers and wonders to the star lit sky outside know your in them Anne.
PEACE
BMW

Thank you one and all!

I haven't taken the first dose of the anti depressant Efexor yet because I'm still reading up on the medication, and I'm not overly impressed with all those nasty side effects.

I'm not convinced that the cure is better than the disease at the moment, so I'll give it a bit more time while I do a bit more research.

Please know that I am so very grateful for your support.

(((Anne))) I think your sister has taken advantage of your kind and forgiving nature...you let her get away with the abuse and so she takes advantage of it. She can "count on you" to react..it gives her power over you in a strange kind of needy way...in my opinon.

that's not a nice way to treat anyone, let alone a family member. Like Moose said, I'd distance myself from her...you have enough grief in your life without taking on more.

Just because we are related to some people, we don't have to like them.
And we certainly don't have to be their whipping board.

You deserve better.

You're all so very kind to me, and I truly appreciate your words of support.

I have a lot to think about over the next few days and I'll reply to your posts when I've had more time to get my thoughts together, but I wanted you to know that I'm not ignoring your kindness.

Thank you again. Hugs to all of you.