Last night I came close pulling the plug on my life for the third time. On top of the fact that I hate MS and my life, I also hate the fact that I give my soon to be ex so much power over me.

You see I still love her and I just hate divorce and giving up but I know that she is just like my Prostate Cancer and if left alone the both would kill me. The cancer has been radiated and that is what I must do with Anne but the trick is how does one do that after 26 years of being together and loving her through all the thick and thin.

Pretty much the only reason that nothing happened last night was that I was so fatigued from the stress that she caused that I could not get off the couch. The other reason was that I could not do it has to do with my friend Lynda and all of the pets that we continue to rescue and help on a daily basis.

I should have died a multiple number of times last year both by my own hand as well as various medical conditions but I did not. It was not my time but I am still searching for the reason that God has not taken me.

Mike, I am really sorry to hear suicide came up again for you. I hope you are in counseling.

I always tell my children "no man or woman is worth taking your life" I believe this can also be said to adults.

Have you been over to the Surviors of Suicide forum? If not here is the link:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

You will find very caring people on that forum who will understand.

Take care of yourself, Mike

Mike, I know exactly what you are talking about and how it makes you feel. The biggest differences are that I have a different disease, and have been married for 23 years. At a time in our lives when we need love from our spouses the most, it simply isn't there. And the harder you try to restore it, the further away it gets. It's hard to simply let go. I've managed to accept that it's inevitable, and now I'm working to manage my emotions and concentrate on other things. And to tell you the truth, part of me thinks that our upcoming seperation will actually turn out to be good for me in the end. Our marriage hasn't been real for several years anyway. I wish you good luck my friend, and if you ever need someone to talk to about this, I'm always around.

Idealist

I must say that I have been very fortunate to have found the friends that I have on the various sites that I am a member of. They have all helped me pull my head from a certain part of my body more times than I care to admit.

This last time finally made me realize that I need to get away and stay away from Anne and that is what I will be doing. I have already made arrangements to move about 30 miles south of where I am into another state. I know that if I do not get away her toxins will kill me.

I have taken that first big step to new life.

Mike

Good for you, Buddy. And good luck, too!

Thank you for I can not believe how content, happy and at peace I am right now after everything that has gone on these past couple of weeks.

No words.

Just a big moose hug for my buddy Big Mike.

Hi Mike,

This is rather hard for me to post, as my Dad recently took his life. I know you have heard all the trite replies, but I feel the need to add one more, suicide is A permanent solution for a temporary problem

I know there are people who must just love you to peaces! Give them the chance, my Dad didn't give me.... a chance to be there for you. I would have given ANYTHING to have known my Dad had these thoughts, and now..... it is too late.

The survivors of suicide forum that snoopy gave you the link too, is a wonderful group of people who would love to support you. Thinking of you and wishing you better tomorrows, Nikki

Mike,
HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSS and more HUGSSSSSSSSS

Not been on much lately...life is way too full for my little plate...but saw your name and had to post...hugsssss and stay tough...She isnt worth it..so like you said find a way to get away from that toxin....I am here if you need to pm me ever....if dont reply fast just due to not being able to get to puter..but Iam thinking of you..and hugssss,sarah

Nikki,

First let me tell you how truly sorry I am for your loss. I also appreciated that you took the time to write me the note that you did. I do have many people who love me and were very disappointed with me when I told them how I felt.

No suicide is not a solution and I am taking the necessary steps to remove myself from the one person that cause me to fall to the depths that I did.

Mike