My therapist keeps coming up with different reasons to tell me as to why she can't be my therapist any more. The first time it was because I have too many problems. Then the seccond time she told me that it's all about boundaries and how I can't keep them with people. Then this week she told me that it was because I cross her boundaries and that I am too dependent on her. I asked my friends if I am too dependent on people or if I am crossing their boundaries and no one seems to think the same as my therapist. She keeps confusing me. She keeps making appointments for me to see her and yet she keeps telling me that she doesn't want to see me any more. What am I suppose to do? I'm on a waiting list for a new therapist already so I am just waiting for them to call me. This is frustrating!

Is she helping at all? I'm a little shocked that she keeps making appointments, but on the other hand tells you she can't see you. I would call those other Pdocs and explain the urgency and see if somebody else can fit you in sooner. I'd also ask for cancellations.

Hugs to you Wish!

Therapists shouldn't toy with fragile minds like that.

Does she help? Well sometimes she does, but lately she hasn't been much of a help. Lately she has been making me mad and making me leave all flustered and agitated. I am going to meet with her one last time and I have decided that I am just going to take a break from therapy until I get a new therapist. I'm kind of needing a break any way. Thanks for the suggestion though!!
Wish

I couldn't agree more!!
Wish

((((((Wish)))))),

You need to stop seeing her NOW.

You don't realize this now; but, you will. She's doing more harm than good. She actually could be brought up on charges for behaving like this.

I don't know if she's a psychiatrist or a psychologist or a psychiatric social worker or some other UFT (unidentified flying therapist).

The thing that most people don't realize is that therapists have gone through their own therapy before they went into business. If they are having a particular problem with one of their patients/clients, they are supposed to see "their own" therapist and work it out.

It sounds like she's got 'issues' (AKA 'buttons') and you're pushing all of them.

It's totally inappropriate for her to be assigning all sorts of characters flaws to you when she's obviously the one with the issues.

Make one more call and ask her to refer you to someone else IMMEDIATELY. Do not see her again.

I went through something similar with a new therapist. I had no problems at all with his behavior. But, as I learned more about therapy and what's appropriate and what isn't, I realized that he had overstepped boundaries. Nothing illegal. Just something that came back to cause me a lot of problems and a lot of self-doubt. You don't need anything like this. BUT, it's what you'll get if you continue this game with her.

Don't be offended by what I'm going to say. I'm speaking from years/decades of being in therapists' offices. You sound like you have a little manipulative streak. It's mirroring in her. This is NOT meant at all as a criticism. I'm the same way. We're the ones that can get things done because people will do for us. It's called 'manipulation' -- it's NOT a character flaw -- it's a strength.

It's causing you problems because it's bringing something out in her that should NOT be coming out. She sounds like she's not a very good therapist. She also sounds like she has no strength of character.

If you're in therapy because you have 'issues' that you want to sort out, or because you want to take a close look at your life and your history and make some changes -- you are NEVER going to be able to accomplish anything with this therapist because she's in a rut.

Remember I mentioned before that you can usually only go so far with any particular therapist because you eventually outgrow them?? That's what's happened here -- you've outgrown her and you need someone with more education and more strength and a different technique.

I'm not a therapist and I don't even play one on TV I've been through years and years and years of every single kind of therapy there is in The Universe. I've seen good doctors and bad doctors. Good social workers and bad social workers. I've seen people that shouldn't be in practice because they're psychiatricly dangerous -- I think that's the sitch that you're in. I'm basing my comments all on my own personal experience.

I'm not judging you. I'm trying to help so that you don't have to go through any of the K-R-A-P that I went through.

BIG HUGS.

Barb

Your therapist cannot be any good in helping you. Not because she keeps talking about ending therapy with you, but because her training was not good enough, not thorough enough. She needs a training supervisor over her again - someone for her to go over her sessions with.... but that is not going to happen. except in an ideal world.

YES, you may not observe boundaries. BUT SHE IS SUPPOSED to be a properly trained therapist and a properly trained therapist knows how to SET proper boundaries and then defend them so the patient doesn't step over the lines so consistently and severely that the only way out is to end therapy. But it is not an ideal world.

And it is COMMON for some of us -maybe many of us- to want to be dependent on a therapist and therapist are supposed to be trained to EXPECT this and know how to lead a patient toward more maturity and independence.

Your therapist is right. She does not have the right kind of training to help you. Any time spent with her is spinning your wheels and reinforcing undesirable patterns.

It is better for you to drop therapy with her and just wait for someone else to become available. If she has any wits around her, she should have been looking for someone else for you since she first realized she is out of her depth.

I suggest you do some studying about boundaries. I am 58 years old and I just learned about boundaries some 7 years ago... and realized that I had been raised by parents who did not let any of us have any boundaries - there was total -and inappropriate- continual and total violation of our boundaries. It is a SICK family that causes these problems most often.

But I taught myself to observe the boundaries of others --- virtually on my own. MORE IMPORTANT (or just as important), I learned how to RECOGNIZE and DEFEND MY OWN BOUNDARIES -- which, of course, involved some learning about what boundaries an adult should HAVE.

Someone on line who helped me a lot. Fixing the problem doesn't happen over night. But you can do it. And you will end up much happier. And those around you will be much happier too.

Try starting on this website -- seem to remember that firemonkey turned me onto this site -- http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/boundary.htm

Teri

It wasn't me. Do you still like me?

I totally agree - plus you are wasting money with that therapist.
time to move forward. she is acting very un professional.

*giggles* Of course, you big silly!!

Teri