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Old 02-08-2009, 03:29 PM #1
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Unhappy New here, always feel sad and guilty

Hello everybody,

Im new to this forum and Im hoping being here can help me living...

Im from Mexico, so, I apologise for my english.

I have always been very depressed girl... My main problem is that I always feel guilty of everything that happens to me, like I deserve all the horrible things that happen in my life...

I suffer of scarring alopecia which made me terribly sad because everyday Im worried I will get completely bald...

I had wore glasses for 25 years, but last year I decided I wanted to do something for me, and got surgery to get rid of my glasses... Guess what, my surgery went out bad, and Im thinking about my eyes ALL day... I feel terribly guilty... like, why did I do this to my eyes ??? Im always going to be ugly and lonely, why did I do this ?? I want my glasses back...

I feel extremely depressed when thinking about my past...

I was taking fluoxetine everyday and it seemed to help, but I started to suffer of side effects and has to stop it...

Im feel tired all day... I just want to die... I wish I could kill myself right now, but at the same time, I start crying when I think I could die... Does that make sense !?

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you guys.
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Old 02-10-2009, 02:42 PM #2
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Hello,

What you say makes perfect sense.
Depression can take away so much.
Are you working with a psychiatrist who is available? Someone who listens to you?

The psychiatrist has many more medications beyond fluoxetine. Many people find that when they get on the right medications, they can start to feel better.

In the meantime, reach out to people and ask for help. Do you have a support group?

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Old 02-12-2009, 02:28 AM #3
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[/QUOTE]
Im feel tired all day... I just want to die... I wish I could kill myself right now, but at the same time, I start crying when I think I could die... Does that make sense !?
[/QUOTE]


Hugs to you, Blue Majo!


I can honestly understand how crummy you're feeling. There are many different anti-depressants though. There are also mood stabilizing medicines also used to control depression.

It's great that you haven't attempted suicide. I have been on the edge myself. You are a little too close for comfort. You do need to see a professional, to help you get through this difficult period of your life. Hopefully, you'll pick up a technique or reassurance that's exactly what you need.

Please reach out now. Let your doctor know exactly what you're thinking and feeling inside. Call him or her Thursday. The sooner, the better. Your last paragraph is of particular importance - and that is what I would focus upon, when talking with the doctor.

Best wishes!
Shez
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Old 02-13-2009, 04:38 AM #4
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Thank you Mari and shezbut for writing !!!

Im still trying to find a support group and a good psychiatrist... I keep feeling I cant trust in anybody and that nobody will understand me...

Also, I think I need to call the doc right when Im having a crisis, is that right ?? I have periods when I fell ok and I tell myself "why calling the doctor ?" but sometimes, specially at night, when everybody is sleeping and I cant then talk to anybody, I feel depressed again...

Uff....

How are you guys actually ? do you take anti-depressants ? which ones ? any vitamins too ?? sorry for all my questions !
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Old 02-13-2009, 10:27 AM #5
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Hi Blue Majo...I understand your feelings, I also suffer with depression from the chronic pain I live with each and everyday.
I am having some worse days of late, and I use the chat room here to help get through those moments when I am down.
Last night was case in point....I didnt go to church, which is usually my best thing to do...cause I was feeling down. I came here to chat room and was cheered up...thanks to Nekie, Lavandula, ouch, Brokenlady, GmaSue, lor, angelrsd, TKing, Thomas Kaup...arrggghhh trying to remember all the members (hope I didnt leave any out)

But, please do seek out a Doctor to help you with these feelings....and hang in there!
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Old 02-13-2009, 02:44 PM #6
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Hello BlueMajo,

In my experience, I don't reach out to others when I need it the most. I keep a daily journal, to have a better understanding of myself (very poor memory). I can see that there are chunks of time, in which I don't write in the journal, and those are my absolute lowest days. Days which I seriously would rather die, I will not reach out for help. I'd therefore reach out now, while I am feeling a little better.

You don't have to wait for suicidal thoughts to come before you get help. It's better that you don't. The sooner you reach out for counseling, the easier it is to overcome. Start with a psychologist, or social worker, to work through your issues. In America, psychiatrists pretty much stick with the physiological changes occurring in your brain. We still need a therapist to work through it psychologically. Support groups can be very helpful to some - but, I'd wait to get a doctor's recommendation of the one/s that may be best for me.

I do take medicines to help control my depression: Effexor XR and Buspar. I'm pretty "against" taking supplements, due to increased risk of seizures. I have refractory epilepsy, traumatic brain injury, and migraine headaches. Simply not worth the risk for me. Aren't you glad you asked? LOL

Best wishes!
Shez
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Old 02-13-2009, 04:52 PM #7
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Hey Drea !!! I look forward to join you all in the chat !!!

Shez, I dont like supplements either I was taking omegas and they did nothing but making my acne worse and my vision "funny" because they dilated my pupils....

My fluoxetine made me feel much better actually, but I had to stop it because my eyes, nose and skin was dry, I mean DRY, so.... The doctor who gave it to me, is very good at listening me... I always get out of his office quite happy but gosh he is "expensive" and busy as hell and cant visit him as often as needed...

For some reason, psychologists scary me... I have had bad experiences in the past you know, they were simply "rude" and made me feel worse... Hum, church helps usually... except when my crisis is at 3 am and I cant go there...

XOXO for you all,
Majo
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Old 03-06-2009, 07:35 AM #8
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Blue..
You might consider trying to find another psychologist. Honestly, it is not unusual to have to interview a few before you find one that is the right "fit." It's an awkward thing, but well worth it in the end.

Also, some folks get benefit from taking a B50 tablet in the morning. You will have to monitor yourself. See if you have any big reactions. If nothing happens, wait a week or two. It's a very good overall supplement and one that might very well help with depression. Go to the back records at the vitamin threads here at NT. You'll see much info. about the B vitamins...they are well liked.

Are you able to see a dermatologist about the acne? There is a cream called Benzaclin that is very effective...but it is RX.

In addition, zinc (in particular) and vitamin A are said to help with acne. Consider searching the back records for info. about acne as well.


Good luck with school and these concerns you have posted about.
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Old 03-06-2009, 09:41 AM #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMajo View Post
Hello everybody,

Im new to this forum and Im hoping being here can help me living...

Im from Mexico, so, I apologise for my english.

I have always been very depressed girl... My main problem is that I always feel guilty of everything that happens to me, like I deserve all the horrible things that happen in my life...

I suffer of scarring alopecia which made me terribly sad because everyday Im worried I will get completely bald...

I had wore glasses for 25 years, but last year I decided I wanted to do something for me, and got surgery to get rid of my glasses... Guess what, my surgery went out bad, and Im thinking about my eyes ALL day... I feel terribly guilty... like, why did I do this to my eyes ??? Im always going to be ugly and lonely, why did I do this ?? I want my glasses back...

I feel extremely depressed when thinking about my past...

I was taking fluoxetine everyday and it seemed to help, but I started to suffer of side effects and has to stop it...

Im feel tired all day... I just want to die... I wish I could kill myself right now, but at the same time, I start crying when I think I could die... Does that make sense !?

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you guys.
Good Morning BlueMajo,

I'm also very new here & the people HERE are fantastic! I have a variety on "problems" which I relate to..Major Depression, Tramatic Brain Injury, Chronic pain, all resulting from accident 8-9 yrs. ago. Although Depression was with me since young childhood! I always remember being different, isolated, like no one liked me. I had so many external symptoms of OCD, but never was taken to a Dr. for them. I tried several times to overdose as a teenager. I always felt so alone! You mentioned GUILT, I thin this feeling is the KEY to my depression. But have no idea why? But it is there & I do understand.

I am so sorry that you feel ugly! You sound BEAUTIFUL! I know many specialist claim you need to "Find Your Inner Beauty" before you feel beautiful, but it seems like you are already there. I will try to help you thru any tough times. I know that you will get tons of support from all here. But like everyone stated, you really need a good Dr...

Any time you want to chat, you can PM me. I usually have free time early morning or late night, But NOT extemely dependable, as I care for my mom who has a ton of mental & physical problems...Lots of work.But I WILL ansewr you!

I have been thru so many antidepressants...For depression: The Prozac worked for quite awhile..But I Swear by the LEXEPRO! I even went off a few times to try newer one...but keep coming back to this one. Also Church when I already feel good. But for the Really bad days, I go outside & dig holes! then somehow they turn into gardens, or stay holes.lol...

For pain, I now take Only Percocet & yoga. I go to PT 3x a week & also receive cortisone injections. I do take as many suppliments as I can though, simply because they make me feel better, more energy. I agree with the B Complex...I eat Organic only, this makes me feel good! Oh, I also stay away from mirrors..lol. I find that I can be in the best of moods & then look in a mirror & get all weird because of the old age stuff! I simply don't remember turning 40, now almost 50..lol..

My Prayers are with you.
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Old 03-06-2009, 10:37 AM #10
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I personally think we should use whatever we can to fight depression.
Medication, therapy, vitamins, exercise, etc...all potentially helpful and well worth it.


Garden mentioned YOGA! Awesome! This has become a little craze in my area and people are really emjoying it. I had a private lesson the other day and people said I was "glowing" the next day. I felt totally relaxed and stress free. It was fascinating and I am seriously thinking about signing up for lessons. There are also some interesting tapes out there for purchase. I do think the principles involved are very healthy. Good stuff! I'm very glad she mentioned it.

One more thing...studies show that massage can be helpful! Ya know sometimes you see these little tables set up in the mall...ten or 15 mins of massage very reasonably priced. I say...go for it!
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