I have my own apartment. It will be ready in about 3-4 wks. I am not ready to move yet. I am terrified. My parents are telling me that I won't survive a week and refuse to help me move. I am 22 and they treat me like I am 2. I am afraid of having to come back after I leave them. I am feeling overwhelemed, there are too many things to do and not enough time to do them. Its making me really nervous.

((((((Resq)))))),

Honey, you need to calm yourself and take a look at what's really bothering you.

Maybe a list will help ??

Some questions to ask yourself -- (you don't need to put the answers here; you need to KNOW the answers for YOURSELF):

-- Why are you scared about moving??
-- Why are you moving if you're "not ready"??
-- Why are your parents being non-supportive?? Are they always like this or are they scared too??
-- Do they always treat you like their "little girl"?? You ARE "their little girl". How could they treat you differently so that you wouldn't feel like you're TWO??
-- What would indicate to you that you would have to move back to your parents' home??
-- Would it be the "worst thing in the world" if you moved out and then had to come back again?? Do you know IN YOUR HEART that if you moved out and had to come back at some point that that WOULD NOT mean that you are a "bad person" or a "failure"?? People with medical problems move back into their parents' home all the time. Do you think they're ALL "failures"?? OR, does that label only apply to YOU??
-- [3 weeks times 7 days is 21] Make two lists: (1) with 21 BIG things that have to be done (like moving truck, make sure electricity is turned on, make sure gas is turned on, paint the walls). (2) make a list of 21 SMALL things that need to be done (like pack clothes, pack books, call moving company, call the light company, call the gas company, decide what color you want to paint the walls).

Now, make a paper chain with 21 links in it. On each link, write one BIG thing and one SMALL thing. Every night before you go to bed, tear off one of the chain links:


-- What is so bad about "feeling nervous"?? Does feeling nervous mean something in your body is broken -- like a bone?? Does feeling nervous mean that you can't move your muscles and do things that need to be done??

Honey, sit down with a cup of tea and your parents and talk about all the answers to the questions above. It'll help them treat you like an adult. It'll help clarify your thinking. And, it'll help you decide if this is the right decision for you RIGHT NOW (not "forever", just "now").

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb