[strawdog]

Hi folks,
Just wanted your support on this.
I'm putting in a very important scholarship application. They ask for a personal statement, and I put in a section about my epilepsy. Here's what I wrote:

"After my time at [unnamed women's community college] and the powerful lessons it taught me about gender relations, I took an extended sabbatical from school. Diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 15, I graduated from high school intimately acquainted with the finer shades of consciousness. Adjusting medications at college ensured me almost complete seizure control, but personal acceptance of what some see as an "invisible disability" couldn't be fixed with a pill. So my time off was a commitment to personal exploration. During this time I went flying onto the then-burgeoning information superhighway, zipping along at 128.8kbps as I published a web site with an insider's view on epilepsy. Ten years after my diagnosis I finally learned what it had been trying to teach me the whole time: this by-now familiar and subtle difference called epilepsy, a difference which sometimes is in consciousness, sometimes in perception, does not define me. But it's still helpful, when approached with a fool's nature, as an introduction to talking about other people's definition of disability, ability, power and perception. Now I'm an ambassador of sorts, teaching a wider circle of people about epilepsy and their perceptions of difference."

(The part about "fool's nature" comes from the theme of my essay. A fool's nature is more about instinct than, say, immaturity.)

Whaddya think?

[Ellie]

I think you did an excellent job, and that it is nice you chose this topic.

Great work, and best of luck to you. Sounds like you are on the right track!

[Julie]

Great job. Keep us updated.

[howdydave]

Howdy!

This (to me) comes off more as being
"in your face" rather than "up front."

Unless having a disability is benificial to
obtaining your scholarship you might want
to tone it down a bit.

On the other hand...
If the scholarship is based on having a
disability, this is an outstanding presentation!

[strawdog]

Thanks everyone!
Dave, that's a real good point. I'm going to take another look at it. This isn't for a disability scholarship, so I do need to think hard about including it.
It's within the context of a fairly long essay ... but perhaps taking that phrase about disability out would help? I just don't know.
It's for study outside the U.S., and for a school known to strive for inclusion, so I'm so torn.
I appreciate your input, all of you. I'll keep you updated!

[howdydave]

Howdy Strawdog!

"Strive for inclusion", eh?

If they use the quota system, then
a disability is a definate asset.

Assets should be emphasized (if not
out and out exploited!)

[annie]

Originally Posted by strawdog

---snip---
Adjusting medications at college ensured me almost complete seizure control, but personal acceptance of what some see as an "invisible disability" couldn't be fixed with a pill.

So my time off was a commitment to personal exploration.

During this time I went flying onto the then-burgeoning information superhighway, zipping along at 128.8kbps as I published a web site with an insider's view on epilepsy.
---snip---

the words beginning with "So" are a sentence fragment.

i think it depends on what you are planning to major in. if you are going to study the social sciences, presenting yourself as a poster child for epilepsy may be a good idea. if you do that, however, you are going to have to conform to the preconceptions about disability of your professors, which is sort of the opposite of what you just said.

if you are going to major in anything else, i advise keeping your head down until after you have been accepted.

many publications that give examples of good essays written for college entrance suggest that if you have overcome a problem you should write about it, showing how good a problem solver you are.

but i tend to agree with dave here. you are going to this school to learn, not to teach. perhaps you could spin it so you are showing them how your experiences with epilepsy have made you a better student?

[strawdog]

Thanks so much for your input, Annie! I did rewrite the fragment and the section a little bit.
I am in the humanities.
This isn't for school (yet), but for a scholarship with an ambassadorial type of purpose. And I take to heart your advice about showing them I'm ready to learn ... the good thing is that the whole theme of my essay is about precisely that! (It unfortunately didn't come through too well in that tiny snippet I posted ... I can't post the whole thing for privacy reasons, of course.)

Originally Posted by annie

if you are going to major in anything else, i advise keeping your head down until after you have been accepted.

I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one, Annie. I know grad school and scholarships like this are very competitive, but my qualifications are stellar. My epilepsy is not something I hide, not at all. On the contrary -- I want people to know that people with epilepsy can do whatever the heck they want to do. And I want to ensure that my supervisors are okay with that, have the brains to realize that my qualifications trump my seizures by far, and they're willing to get over their fears of a medical condition to have me on their team.
That said, I completely understand your point of view and know I'm taking a huge risk by disclosing so early. And as of yet, I haven't been as burned by disclosure as some others on the board. But for me, the freedom of early disclosure will allow me to start grad school with a lower stress level and enable me to look forward to learning, not to thinking about how and when to come out to my supervisors.

What do you think? I value your opinion and am so glad to be back on the boards!!

[howdydave]

So my time off was a commitment to personal exploration.

If you put a break such as "--" or "..." between the first and second
words you no longer have a fragment.

This conveys what I presume is the original intent.

[mercy]

Hi Strawdog,
I went to college in the early 80's and my epilepsy was a great cause of concern for the school. At that point I don't think I would have let any graduate program know about it. I'd ask some kind of academic advisor at your school who is familiar with the program you are applying to. Maybe they would have better insight than we would as to what would improve your chances. I can understand what you wrote completely. I would see how it goes over with people who haven't lived it. I hope you get it! Keep us posted.
mercy