I am finding these message boards to be a wonderful source of relief, information and comfort...I appreciate you all so much. As I have said before I have not actually been diagnosed with epilepsy, but I do have alot happening up there in my thick skull.

Last year when I had the avm removed and went through the craniotomy, I really took it in stride. I was oblivious to how serious of a situation i was really in, and it didnt really dawn on me what the consequences could have been, or how lucky i was with the results. My family was supportive of me during that time, and definitely did not rush my recovery, although I did. I was back to work within a couple weeks after having the surgery!....THis past year, I have argued a tremendous amount with my husband, bc he is constantly telling me things happened that I dont recall, so bc I dont remember it, I automatically told him he was full of it. (Im stubborn) Then I would get headaches, and not realize how horrible I was truely being to my loved ones and how much they have put up with in the last year and a half.

These szs last month were a real wakeup call, and my memory is even worse now along with my balance, vertigo, and I have "twitches' sometimes where my head jerks to the left or my arms fly up and I have no control ... I get the shakes, I have terrible anxiety (xanax is a life saver) and it feels as if my whole world has been turned upside down, and I know I am never going to be the same again. THe health issues that I thought were resolved in the summer of 06 have come back, and with a vengance, and there are a couple new ones in fact.

My family was very aware when I first got out of the hospital on thanksgiving day,, and very relieved that I actually came home and was able to function. I realize now why as I have asked questions about those first days in the hospital...(over and over just so i could remember) My family still realizes some ofthe issues that I am facing, but not all by a long shot. I came home, and got on the internet and started reading. I wanted to be as informed as I could be. I made a promise i was not going to be oblivous ever again, my family accused me of being obsessive. some of them think my symptoms are in my imagination, or that I am exaggerating them. and here is a phrase I hear alot, You have always done that, that is nothing new. My response is my health issues arent either, they are just obvious now. My husband, he is very supportive, but also a somewhat selfish man, and he likes to crack jokes. Typically, I will laugh with him....he has called be trigger for about a year, bc I would have these jerks at night, when I would first lay down to go to sleep....he would say "easy trigger" it never really bothered me. But other things he has said here recently just plain hurt. I also think, most of my family is getting really tired of hearing about my "medical condition" bc that is what is on my mind most of the time. Its new, and it is alot to deal with all at once. I dont have any friends, so I have no one to talk to about it all. I still talk about all the other stuff that I did before, but I just need them to listen to all the medical stuff too. I know that it is hard with them to deal with, and that ignoring it is easier than talking about it until they absolutely have to.

I guess that is about all that is on my mind about this issue right now .... I just needed to get it all off my chest, and in a way That I KNEW someone else might read it and empathize with my situation.

Wishing everyone good health and joy....

Amanda