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Hi All,

I turned 40 the other week and my biological clock is ticking very loudly. I have suffered with very poor sleeping patterns for the last 10 years and as a result came down with CFS and adrenal exhaustion about 4 years ago. I am a little improved from then but still far from recovered.

I have been thinking about having a baby, but am concerned as to whether my body can hadle it.

The main issue it comes down to for me is energy. I have plenty of time on my hands - in fact too much sometimes. I havent worked for the last 4 years (only 1 day per week) because of my sheer fatigue with not sleeping well. Now i am studying 2 days per week, but i was willing to give that up to be a mum no problem.

My partner although he isnt who i imagined myself with for various reasons, IS very loving, caring, communicative and loyal. (He has a doonar, pillow and hot water bottle for his dog who he takes everywhere and loves to bits - i guess shes his child). He doesnt care either way about a child - if we dont have one, we want to go out there and help save endangered wildlife in some way!!

My ultimate concern is that with my energy being so low ( ive had a herpes breakout every month for the last 3 years - which tells me my immunue system is struggling) that having a baby will sap more of the core energy from which i am running on and i will feel like a zombie. when i go to shopping malls, the energy of kids running everywhere and shouting makes me feel really tired. I dont have any family or close friends in Perth, so there would be little help around.


Its just that there IS definitely a part of me that longs to be a Mum (and i know id be a good mum as i know i have a very loving gentle nature) but i dont want it to be at my own healths expense (hope that doesnt sound selfish). But, who knows maybe a baby IS what i need in my life and will lift me out of the depression ive had around feeling a little lost with that something missing.

I would really love to hear from anyone out there who has had children at a later stage in life who has been in a similar situation as me and their health has suffered as a consequense/or the baby's. Or any that didnt go the children route and if they regret it or not?

I know this is a very personal descision - its just that i am terrible when it comes to big decisions - and i dont have my mum around anymore to offfer her words of wisdom, so any advices/words of wisdom would be muchly appreciated.

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[Aussie99]

I have one child. I am 34 years old. I have wanted a second one but became ill with a Guillian Barre type syndrome,fatigue,insomnia,and chronic pain, and anxiety. I can't survive without my meds and I have finally come to terms with the fact that my body is not working properly at least some of the time. Because of this I have decided that it's better for me not to have anymore children as it may ruin my already fragile health.

But seeing that you don't work in the mornings is a plus to you. This makes life alot easier. I assume your partner is able to financially support you and a child? If so that is a benefit. I have to work,and have a hard time most days. I know for certain I could not work and have a bay at this stage of my life.

It's very hard I know. I feel sad sometimes because my child is an only child and somehow I don't feel it's fair. But on the other hand I grew up with a sbling and we barely speak.

I guess at the end of the day we have to look after our own health first and foremost.

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Thanks Aussie 99 for your reply,

Its a hard one - not knowing how much having a baby could potentially affect my health being 40 and with CFS.
It just makes things hard when everyone tells you how wonderful having a child is and that there is nothing like it. It make you feel that if you dont have one youll be missing out on something amazing.

I really appreciate your comments and experiences. I hope you take the time to look after yourself.
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[Jomar]

1. Don't go by what others tell you -{ie: everyone tells you how wonderful having a child is } sometimes it just isn't the best option for everyone.

2. Your partner doesn't care either way - not a good sign in my opinion - you will need and want help sometimes and he may not follow thru.

3. You would be 41 or older by the time the baby is born

4. You need a lot of energy to keep up with and raise a child & everyone starts to slow down more and faster after hitting 45 {even healthy people}.

I think anyone could love and care for a foster child or even adopt an older child- that might be a better option.
I think that is what I would do in a similar situation.
Give an older child a chance at a real home.

just my thoughts.

[dreambeliever128]

I just turned 56 a couple of weeks ago. I had my daughter when I was 21. I was already dealing with CFS and depression and now deal with too many other medical problems to even name. Some are RSDS, Fibro, CFS, CPS, TOS to name just a few.

My husband was 10 years older then me. I lost him 10 months ago. The man was a Godsend. He became disabled early in life but man he never gave up. He helped me to raise Susan. If it weren't for him, I couldn't have done it alone. I wanted to sleep so much, he would have to get up with her and take care of her a lot. I did manage to go to work when she turned 6 and started school and the year she graduated, my body just gave up. Thank God it lasted that long. Actually I got sick in 89 but hung on until she got out in 91.

Then when she had her two boys 14 months apart we kept them a lot because we wanted to but again Bill jumped in and helped me with them. I can remember having to sit down with them to hold them for fear of dropping them and I'd go to sleep and he'd have to take care of them. My arms and hands became useless also from the TOS and RSD and that kept me from holding them much.

If you know your husband would step up to the plate and help you a lot then having a baby is a possibility but if you are going to have to take care of one on your own, it's a whole different story.

I can honestly say that my husband was very very hands on with my family so that made things so much easier for me. I did stop at having one though because I didn't think I could take care of another one and I didn't want to put it off on him.

My CFS drives me up the wall. I am now on Oxygen and I have a CPEP machine but can't use it due to a VNS implant that messes with my breathing. The Oxygen hasn't helped with my CFS at all.

I agree with Jo on this, think about how much your husband would be helping you raise a baby and that will help you with your decision.

Ada

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Thanks Jo and Ada for your recent replies. Sorry i havent logged on for a couple of weeks as ive had exams to study for.
I very much appreciate your comments and thoughts on Pregnancy at 40 with CFS.
Im not quite as bad as you Ada, as i can manage to swim laps at the local pool for 1/2 hr three times a week. My problem is that i have suffered with insomnia for the last 10 years getting only 3-4 hrs a night - which has exhausted me and run me down.
Im not really sure what will help me to decide. Ive never had anything to do with kids, only animals, so thats what makes it hard to know if i want one. I wouldnt want to adapt tho, its either my own, or look after injured/endangered wildlife somewhere.
Thanks all so much for your comments
Lisa

[maeclare]

I understand your concerns and your dilemia.It seems like you have given alot of thought, emotion and concerns as well as examined the pros and cons etc.....of having a child.You have to follow your heart....
Besides the clock ticking why a baby now?Only you can answer that in your heart.
Yes being a mom in her 40's is hard....especially when you have medical issues!
I have always believed at least for myself that...If I was 50/50 on a decision
or even alittle doughtful that I needn't follow through.Sometimes we have no choice and are given what we are.
That can be a blessing too.

My son is 18 and autistic.When he was 13 and I was 41 I gave birth to a baby girl.She is now soon to be 6!
I have fibromyalgia,sleep apnea,narcolepsy,arthritis,DDD,etc.....etc....
OH YES it has been difficult at times.Yet I have no regrets...only joy and feeling blessed.Just follow your heart.MC

[sharky]

I would second the foster or adopt an older child ..