[klog]

My name is Kat,
I have a friend she is disabled and so are her kids and her husband. She is primary caregiver of all 3. She isolates family from outside help even me at times.
Recently her husband had heart attack and dr. Advised her not to give him soda and particular foods. That very night she did just opposite of what dr.s had said. Few days go by and she was seen striking caged dogs with baseball bat. Next day her husband has open heart surgery. At different facility.
Friends and biological family of her husband have been told at her wishes at nurses station they cannot call or visit. Which does not seem right. She took the kids with her that day of surgery and stayed in hospital with them. 1 child is autistic and other is adhd. But as I was on phone with her , I heard comments by employees of the hospital to the effect your kids ombre so well behaved not one peep out of them. This is not normal character of the children. One nurse even comments something to effect are your kids robotic, bc they were so quiet and non kid like behaved.
Yesterday the mother said something about she has been this awesome caregiver for over 14 yrs for her husband and waited on him and the kids hand and foot. Really seemed over exaggerated and almost attention seeking.
Then she proceeded to tell my that the daughter had been very sick since she got her home from hospital (this is the autistic child) with flu like symptoms but far far worse. I asked to speak to the son and was denied. Seems kind of odd kids were perfectly fine now very sick.
Then today the mother , after I had spoken with her husband about visiting him tomorrow. Had a full 12 minute coherent conversation with him. She calls and tells me that she prefer I not visit him and that his body is shutting down. Ok I am not grasping something here, something is not right. He was doing good having coherent conversations and now he is dying.
Then she tells me she has got to call his sister who he has not spoken to since 1978. To let her know this new details on her husband.
Ok nurses told me yesterday he was fine n grogy and had gotten him up to take few steps. I spoke to him today on phone for 12 full minutes and seemed to be fine.
But now his wife is talking like he will pass, but there was no problem before she visited with him.
Just confused in Kentucky, it's like I am missing something I should be seeing. I have never seen anyone isolate someone like this from their friends and family. Especially on these circumstances. What am I missing ?

[kiwi33]

Hi Kat

I don't think that you are missing anything but it is clear to me that you are a loyal and supportive friend of the family that you have described.

Please remember that it is important to look after yourself first. That is not a selfish thing to do - if we don't do that then our capacity to care for those who matter to us can get messed up - something that I have learned IRL.

Is there somebody (a trusted friend, a trusted family member, maybe a health professional) who you can look to for support in terms of looking after yourself first?

With care and concern.

[Kitt]

Welcome klog.

[Littlepaw]

Hi Kat,

What a tough situation, it must be breaking your heart. You describe a lot that is concerning. It might be time to consider making reports depending on the severity of what all is going on. Hitting dogs with baseball bats is not only illegal and whack but a sign of a serious issue controlling anger. Although this is horrifying enough you don't want to take chances of behavior escalating to people. If you have concerns that children or adults are being abused you can always make an anonymous report. The fact that they are disabled heightens the need. Even if criteria are not met for any intervention at this time you will start a documentation process and many "minor" events can lead to an investigation later. And yes this CAN be done anonymously. If nursing staff happened to witness anything they felt alarmed by they are actually obligated reporters so they may be also be able to help out. And the police and SPCA would want to know about those dogs....

Maybe things are not as bad as they need to be for protective agency referral and hopefully never will be, but it sounds like you are really concerned and it is always good to have options.

Take care and stay safe,
Littlepaw