I can't help but think I have brain damage. Sometimes, particularly when I am tired, especially mentally tired (like after having to think really hard for a long time like at work) I try to talk and the words are just not there. I'll stand there and try to think of what I want to say and in my mind I just see like this big empty white space. Normally when I am talking or writing, if I think about, I am always visualizing the words I'm saying in my mind. But when I get stupid like that, there is just this blank white space. Also I sometimes will say the totally wrong word than I want to say, like instead of "can I have that pencil?" I'll say, Can I have that porcupine? needless to say, this is a bit embarrassing. I also have the problem, particularly with numbers sometimes I will look at them and I know I'm seeing the text but the meaning is just not there. Like, what are these random markings? Or I will read words, and I can read them and say them but the meaning is not there. And I don't mean hard words, just like simple words...sometimes if I say them out then I will get it. All of this stuff really only happens when I'm tired.
I also have a really really bad memory. This is constant. I constantly am repeating myself because I forgot I told somebody something, I constantly am forgetting to do things or bring things with me or important dates. Sometimes I can't remember not only what day it is, but what month or even season (fall, spring) or year. I used to live in a different part of the country and sometimes I forget that I moved (7 years ago)...or I forget that my kids are now teenagers and get surprised when I see them. These lapses of memory are pretty fleeting and I can usually correct them with a minute or two of concentration but I spend way too much time confused. I also often have no concept of time. This is a really big problem. Like time is losing it's linear quality to me. I do have ADHD and about a year ago, I was on disability for five months...I had broken my shoulder and my diagnosis was only a broken collarbone-basically I walked around with a chunk of bone stuck in my rotator cuff for 5 months-I was in excruciating pain that whole time and I think that my brain kind of partially shut down...now I'm thinking maybe it gave itself some kind of brain damage from the sustained level of pain...or maybe something happened during the surgery. I also (I have rheaumatoid arthritis) about ten years ago had to take methotrexate weekly for five years, I really think that had an impact on my ability to think, too.I am only 42 and other than the arthritis pretty healthy, not overweight, don't drink or use drugs(except the prescribed, including adderall).. I don't know what to do or even should I do anything...this has been going on for about a year, maybe more (remember, no concept of time) any advice?

Your avatar is very nice! Is your ID a typo? or did you intend it to be the
way it is? Just wondering.

Serious memory issues should be evaluated by a doctor.

But some things from your post stick out for me.

1) depression can cause this. It can really impair word retrieval, or time sense.
Your use of Adderall may be a culprit. Amphetamines over time cause depressive symptoms, esp later in the day when they wear off. There have been some studies showing the low zinc levels, reduce response to amphetamine.

2) Low Folate levels and low B12 can cause mental slowness, brain fog.
Methotrexate depletes folic acid severely, and you don't say if you had adequate folate support.

3) Other nutritional weaknesses can affect the brain. Essential fatty acids are needed by the brain to repair and keep neurotransmitter receptors working properly. Omega-3 nutrition is very very important.
this link has more:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=6092

As it happens, zinc and EFAs work together for ADHD patients as well.

3) low levels of B6 and low tryptophan may cause low serotonin to be made in the brain, so if you are low in both, you may show depressive symptioms as well as increased responses to pain.

So you can try to improve your intake of these nutrients, but if you consider your mental problems as severe, it would be best to see a doctor.
Other diseases may present with confusion in the beginning. Parkinson's is one. Low thyroid is another.

Good luck.

I can relate to Mrs. D's comments re: memory issues. I have found that pain, depression, stress, vitamin deficiencies and medication all can cause problems with memory.

When I improved my eating habits, began to exercise regularly and started taking vitamins...things started to improve. I'm taking a difficult medication this is causing some heartache for me in that area, but I am very pleased with the help my own self efforts have brought.

It's probably best to explore on your own...but I take Centrum Silver for my mutli vitamin mineral supplement. Among other things, it has Zinc, Selenium, Vitamin K, Potassium, Vitamin D, and Folic Acid...some things I have been hearing about a looking for. I also take a lot of extra B vitamins...which have greatly helped my energy levels. I take extra calcium/magnesium with some D in it as well. I eat foods that have Omega three in them.

One over the counter supplement/ product that has been in the news of late is Phosphatidylserine. This might be something to look into. Life Extension (vitamin company), makes a curious product called "Cognitex," that has this in it.

Find a doctor that takes your concerns very seriously. I am fortunate to be working with someone who I feel is by my side in my efforts to improve my health. There could be health problems that need to be addressed and/or medications that could help you with memory issues.

I just wanted to mention (like Mrs. D) about the diet and nutrition aspect, because over the years I have noticed that helping my doctor along with my own efforts have brought me the best results.

Wishing you well...hang in there.

Thanks to both of you for your responses, but really I am not depressed. I'm probably more mentally healthy than I have ever been so I really don't think that's an issue...depression, other than as a reasonable reaction to a traumatic event has not been a problem for me....hyperness and inability to focus have. I scored like a 38 out of 40 on the ADHD test...when I was 38!
Stress, of course I have stress, but I think I've developed some pretty good mechanisms for dealing with it. For me, after turning 40 has had only positive results-I'll admit I'm a bit of a late bloomer but I just feel stronger as I get older. It's just this odd sense that I'm getting stupider and stupider that is worrisome to me.

I no longer take methrotrexate, haven't for years but when I did I had a prescription for a super strong folic acid dose...I still take the supplements. I also take acidolpholous (for milk digestion), calcium,D and I just got some flax seed supplements I've been wanting to try out. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, which is a good thing since I have pain a lot...but can be a bad thing, too...after the surgery on my shoulder when they removed the broken chunk of bone that they didn't know was in there, my surgeon was like...whoa...normally that type of injury would necessitate immediate surgery. I've even been diagnosed w/ severe compression of L3 & 4 but have NO symptoms or pain at all...go figure. I'm more worried about something like Parkinsons. Like I might have some brain disease.

Mrs. D: Blargady is a made up word my children and I created when they were little to use as a substitute swear word. Like, "Blargady! I've spillt the milk!" And thank you for the compliment on my avatar-it's from a painting I did as a Christmas present for my "ADD guy" (what I call my shrink). I do art for fun.

Hi--
To the original poster--- have you had any Neuro Psych testing done ? Neuro Psych testing is basically an indepth cognitive testing. It evaluates cognitive skills, various types of memory--and any deficits you may have (and where), where your strengths and weakness lie, IQ, visual spatial skills, reading/comphrension, and so much more, very detailed. It can uncover any learning issues one might have, problems with memory, comphrension and all sorts of other things. In essense, it give you and your doctors insight on how your brain is working, in functional sense. I had Neuro Psych's done about 18 months ago and they proved to be very helpful and gained a lot of good information for me and my doctors.

So, if you are really concerned about brain damage or dysfunction you might want to ask your doctor for a referral to a Neuro Psychologist to have Neuro Psych testing done.

Another thing you might want to ask for, if you have not already, is a brain MRI.

Hang in there !
L2L

Coupla things I thought of...If you haven't yet, get an MRI. It's very possible you have some type of malformation (such as Chiari) or growth (cyst or tumor) that could be doing this. The sudden dysphasia could also be seizure or ministroke. Please do not let this go! Demand the MRI and go from there.

The other thing that may have happened is an adverse med reaction. My life was turned upside down and inside out by a reaction to a well-known drug for epi, and none of my doctors had a clue. If you think this is a possibility, please consult your pharmacist and then tell your doctor(s) what you have learned.


Good luck...

LIZARD

Dear Blargady:

I totally agree with Lizard, Please don't let this go. Get the MRI, it will definately show any abnormalities whatsoever. Your having kids is another important factor to consider. I can only imagine what you personally are going through, but you are not the first to be concerned about memory loss, and I think there is more intailed to your situation you chose not to mention, but unfortunately are all very valid and necessary to get to the bottom of. I have had an MRI, phsycology, IQ test and I have councelling. Councelling for depression does not make someone OOOH! psyched out. It is just a means to deal with what ever issues you are dealing with, and get some advice on what things you might want to do to deal with it so you don't pull your hair out. By the way the migraines were and is caused by a cyst. You need to find out so you can get the medical help to get back to a normal life. As a parent of two I hope you don't have any thing to really worry about, and thank God for having a place like this to help, and programs to help with medical and financial issues. Take our advice, PLEASE!!! Looking forward to hearing from you with good news. God Bless You MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR