Hello there, ....
I've been so blessed to have this forum since I joined almost 6 months ago.
I've been very active on the pain forums......but this is a whole different twist...

Needing support or input/advice/suggestions on how to handle this situation.

My 23yr old daughter (recently graduated college w/degree in Psychology) has been in a relationship with a man whom I've tried my hardest to give the benefit of the 'doubt'..... Their relationship has moved rather quickly (6 months) and now we find out she's 2 months pregnant. Unmarried...

Well, he is proving himself to be irresponsible, doesn't hold down a job, has been in a bit of legal trouble and has a tendency toward physical abuse, served jail time and is now on probation. Their relationship has crumbled and it is obvious that my girl will have to go thru this pregnancy without him in the picture. She has plenty of love and support from myself and the rest of her family, so I have no concerns regarding her getting thru this pregnancy.

My 'concern' is the fact that he has abusive tendency (currently attending anger mgmt) and for the welfare of my daughter's safety.

Other than making this 'not-so-good' choice with this guy, she is a very responsible young woman, works hard, just bought a house (with my help in getting her 'on her feet') and has a heart of gold, but her soft heart has attributed her to falling victim to this swindling, fast-talking, loser.

My husband and I are getting the locks changed at her house while she is at work today and this guy will be picking his belongings up soon.

Her pregnancy has made her prone to being very emotional and irritable....she has battled depression in the past and this emotional/irritability has cost her relationships in the past......
For concern of her safety, I've practically begged her to try her hardest to remain as 'calm' as possible during this ugly breakup, so as to not provoke his abusive behavior....
I'm worried and want to do whatever I can to 'be here' for her and support her emotionally.

I'm just not sure how to handle this guy, not knowing how he may react as this plays out.

......anyone?
Rae

Wow, this is a scary mess.

If it were me? I'd have her live with you for a while until he is gone. But I am careful that way. You'll have to work something out with her that satisfies both of you. Changing the locks is good. Changing the phone # and having it unlisted is good too.

Sounds like a rocky time. Not good for the baby. So that is why I'd have her under your roof for a while for safety, and less stress.

I should have known YOU would be 'Johnny on the Spot' for me!

Thank you SO much..... that makes very good sense. I will talk to her about this tonite when she gets off work.

Sad thing is, this guy truly is a 'charmer'......has potential.....?......but he's a pathological liar and believes his own lies.
I just want to gracefully get him away from her.....and PRAY she is not 'irrational' enough to give him yet 'another' chance.

He's just tooo........ dangerous.

I agree with Mrs. D 1000 %. Please, please try to get her to stay with you.

People who tend to be abusive are also very cunning.....they can turn on the charm when it's needed and turn it off just as quickly.

I'd rather be way too safe and err on the side of caution. Please keep us updated on how things are going.

BOY! Is THAT the TRUTH!! That really hits the nail on the head with this situation.....VERY cunning.....'sweet-talking"......."All Blow and NO Go".....
Talks a BIG talk, but nothing positive comes to fruition.

I did not realize how much he was really 'leaching' from her until this all came to a head........I had been 'assuming' he was pulling his share of his weight with bills, etc...... she's been paying ALL the bills and a large portion of his legal expenses came from her income tax return. I am so appalled !

And yes, she is with me tonite and we've had so many good talks about the frustrations of life and how to rise above the trials that come our wayl....

I'm reaching out on the "Mental Health" forum is because of her extreme mood swings. They go way above and beyond the typical 'pregnancy' thing.....
and this has been something we've tried to deal with in the past, since approx age 14.... By age 18 she'd been prescribed a couple of different anti-depressants......
It hurts me to see this affecting her relationships this way.....

She doesn't like to take pills because of bad side-effects backfiring on her in the past. She doesn't drink or take any other meds/drugs....

She realizes something HAS to be done. We've tried counseling.....
and my hope was that by her getting her degree in psychology, she'd somehow be able to rise above this by having the schooled knowledge of human behaviors.......but we're up against a wall it seems.

I think the best advice you have been given is to have her stay with you.

I too went thru this with my ex and I simply was never alone for 2 years.
I lived with my parents...got walked to my car with co-workers etc.

Pickup and dropoff were at my house with my brother or parents present.
I was lucky he didnt mess with the kids and he also lived with his parents.

Let me tell you...I was 29 and HATED the fact of having to move home
but it was the best thing I did.

It definately got better when I remarried. But he would still emotionally
abuse me whenever there was an opportunity.

He died a few years ago. Now I am left to pick up the peices of my
children(now 20 and 18) who miss their father very much. (They know
nothing of the abuse I suffered at the hands of their dad). Its crazy
but I wish he was still alive if only for my kids.

If you have any questions you can pm me. I would be happy to try to
support you and your daughter thru this time of upheaval.

There are some very good sites on the net about narcissism.

I have one link that explains it clearly in more layman terms:

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/

He may be a Narcissist or simply an antisocial with narcissistic tendencies. But obviously he is SELFISH, and she should see that at least!

I hope she gets away from him. Stress is very bad for developing fetuses, so try to get her to understand that too.

don't be afraid to call 911 if needed and tell her the same thing.

Restraining order if needed.

safety & protection comes first for her and the baby.

Your support has touched me to tears!

He is ALREADY doing the 'cunning/charm' thing and it hasn't even been 24 hours!!! SO, I will get with my girl and share this support from you. It will undoubtedly show her what 'rational' thinking is all about......
Because when a person (including myself) is in the midst of a crisis, it is VERY hard to think true ration!!

When i have a 'fresh' brain in the morning, I will look at that site MrsD provided because I have a feeling this is something that i myself have been blinded to as well!
This man certainly fits the bill from what you've all described!!

The next step...... will be praying to find the right kind of guidance she needs Re: her hormonal/mental imbalance......... she doesn't seem to display 'bipolar'-type symptoms,.....it's more of a severe constant state of PMS !! I must make sure I speak verrrry tenderly to her.

The GOOD part is, she is mature and realizes she needs help.....

And Soxmom, i had NO idea you have been thru so much similar.....I may take you up on the PM offer

Jo*Mar, the 911, absolutely. And he knows this would land him straight back in jail! But I'd do it in a heartbeat if it came to that .....thank you

I truly believe my daughter will be touched when she sees the input my friends here have given me. She knows how important this forum is to me and she's seen a 180 degree turn in MY state of mind since joining NT !