[lostsoul]

Why do people feel that they don't deserve happyness? Why do people do self destructive behaviors when things are going great in there lives? Does anyone have any answers for this?

[Joe M]

Originally Posted by lostsoul

Why do people feel that they don't deserve happyness? Why do people do self destructive behaviors when things are going great in there lives? Does anyone have any answers for this?

Good philosophical question. I think that usually self-destructive behavior occurs because it "feels good at the time." Not to worry about what catastrophic consequences may be down the road. That's why someone says "yeah, I snort that line of cocaine" or "I'll have unprotected sex with her after our 7 minute conversation."

In my opinion, trying to understand and put your finger on it is why Psychiatrics are actually Medical Doctors. This **** is HARD to understand. There is, and never will be, a nice little answer we can package up in a box with a bow.

For the record, before my accident (which caused major brain trauma), I graduated college with a near perfect 4.0 with a major in "Middle East Politics." I say this with the utmost humility and do not mean to boast because the ENTIRE time I was snorting about 2 grams of cocaine a day.

I was the poster of over the top, balls-to-the-wall, and hair on fire; screw anything sexy in a bar, vicious, mind bending self-destructive behavior.

WHY because at time, being high on cocaine was much more fun that being sober it's a pitiful answer but those days are behind me. Thank God

[mistiis]

Because they are looking for something. You won't find true happiness in all that 'stuff' of the world, so you look for it elsewhere, in drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever. We seem to have to learn where happiness is NOT, before we can truly learn where it IS!! I think it lies in learning the truth about life in the first place. Why are we here? What is life about? Who am I really? What is my purpose here? I think those are some of the most important questions in life. Finding those answers can take a lifetime, and much life experience. Good luck to you lostsoul! I hope you can find some peace of mind, some true love, and real lasting happiness.
It is there, and it is the greatest treasure we can have.

[billie]

Originally Posted by lostsoul

Why do people feel that they don't deserve happyness? Why do people do self destructive behaviors when things are going great in there lives? Does anyone have any answers for this?

People have low self-esteem and beliefs that they don't deserve happiness for many reasons, many dating to childhood or adolescence. This doesn't mean that this was visited upon us by our families. Mine dated to starting elementary school, when I learned that many people are not as kind as my family was. Self destructive behaviors may be BECAUSE we feel we don't deserve happiness. From this they could grow into a compulsive type behavior. There is a plaque on my case managers shelf. I can't quote it, but it's something like thoughts become words; words become behaviors; behaviors become character. I think it might help if you come to this chat forum when you feel self destructive, and I hope that things are going great in your life NOW. billie bluecat

[michael178]

no. I don't know why either, my guess would be depression.

[Mykinzie]

Hello. I love that wueation u have. Its a great one. I have had self-destructive years of abuse ever since my baby son died of SIDS. I blamed myself for years for allowing my baby to die. I felt like any mother is responsible to keep there own child alive. Here my baby was dying in the next room over and I was sleeping! So I didn't listen to friends and counselors trying to help me see IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! And it feels good now to write that in all caps! I started cutting on my arms to release some of that deep intense pain. I felt like, in my sick mind, it really did give me some relief. How could I deserve good things in my life now when I just "let" my baby die?? That's how sick I was. That's how depressed I was. There is hope for me and for EVERYONE else suffering from this. I have hope today. I now see the many many wonderful blessings God has given me. He never gave up on me, I had just given up on Him. This is just my own experience. I don't give advice, I only share what's happened to me. Today I know that if God is giving me something very special, well then I deserve it cuz who am I to question God?? I hope this helped u some to understand my own personal reasons for past self-destructive behaviors. Marla.

[vs tyrant]

I usually feel this way because I live with massive guilt. When my fiance killed my child, I felt like I should have returned the favor to set things "right". I also feel that I should have noticed signs before she actually did it.

Because of this, I don't feel as though I deserve happiness because I wasn't able to bring my child into the world safely. He can't have happiness, why should I.

Don't worry folks, I'm getting help for all that stuff, just thought it might help answer the OP's question. Guilt sucks.

[tgreen33]

Its a question many have but i will tell you this...i myself am terrified of being happy. i run from it faster than i run from bad things. for me its something about that roller coaster feeling. i hate being so high up and then dropping. so id rather stay on the baby rides to where if I fall ill only get a scrape. if that makes any sense. its sucks but im working on it. are u asking this for a specific reason.. or just curious

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by lostsoul

Why do people feel that they don't deserve happyness? Why do people do self destructive behaviors when things are going great in there lives? Does anyone have any answers for this?

As I understand it, Groucho Marx was known to say he didn't want to belong to any organization that would accept him as a member. Kidding or not, he seems to have been saying that his high standards were more important to him than pretty much anything else -- including, apparently, being accepted or being happy.

For me, what is and isn't "self-destructive" (or more often "self-sabotaging", in my case) has never been as clear-cut as others have insisted. Once upon a time I found myself in school, studying toward a supposedly-desirable career doing things that I was becoming less and less interested in doing. It seemed quite perverse of me not to enjoy being there and to want to be doing something quite different.

My family used to attribute my apparent craziness to some combination of puberty (actually over for some years by then), and having been hit on the head with a hard snowball even longer ago.* I'd moved pretty far from them and their influence by the time I realized that I'd ended up working at what I did enjoy and that I didn't at all mind learning, as long as I could set my own pace and direction.

Here's something I once posted elsewhere as part of a conversation about standards. It seems to fit here as well:

It sounds to me as though you're measuring yourself against some standard and the result points to one of two things: you don't fit the standard very well, or else the standard doesn't fit you very well.

I go to the store. I try on a shirt. The shirt doesn't fit. "I'm sorry! :bawling: I'm the wrong size for this shirt! I should never have come in here!"

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* A neurological angle, of sorts -- and here I'd thought I was coming here without any!