Last year I got a concussion, and I've still got ongoing symptoms that are ruining my life. I started having to take Amitriptyline and at first it helped, and then i took a higher dose (25 mg) and my anxiety and depression became horrible. Now I'm constantly thinking that people hate me, and my memory's good and bad. What I mean is that when I went to one of my new doctors, they tested my memory and balance and both were very good. Especially my memory, and nothing seemed to be wrong. But the thing is that my memory's horrible? I feel extremely disconnected from the world and because of this I'm constantly forgetting assignments and I have F's in most of my classes. (this is getting sorted out but slowly :|) and I can't remember anything very well. For example, whenever people do show things like affection which is common with me and my best friends, I think about it a lot but then it starts to fade and I can barely remember the emotions I have when it happens and then I get really depressed thinking they just don't care and hate me. I'm constantly thinking that people hate me and are annoyed by me, and I don't really ask people if I'm annoying mostly because a lot of people consider it annoying, and it destroys me like the hulk throwing someone flat into a wall. I've also had these strange dreams where afterward I'll wake up extremely anxious and think that everyone hates me, and fall into a deep depression. After a couple of hours I usually snap out of it and realize that it was all false. The thing is that I don't really know what happens in these dreams? I remember before when I was dozing off, I saw a n Oovoo (it's similar to a skype chat) where my eyes were supposed to be and I was talking to my best friend but I don't remember what anything said. I'm not exactly sure if this happened the night I had the strange dream because I have no sense of time, but it's a guess. I literally don't remember any part of the dream whatsoever. I always try to think of memories like when I hug my friends, but now I don't feel very much and I don't like it at all. I tried doing some research and I think I have a problem with my Episodic memory, which from some article it says "Episodic memory represents our memory of experiences and specific events in time". I also have no sense of time whatsoever and whenever I get really depressed and anxious and feel like everyone hates me my vision dims. My teachers know about my concussion situation, but the thing is that they don't know about me having THESE problems. I always try to tell them I keep forgetting my assignments, but they think it's just an excuse. I also want to tell my doctors about it but the thing is that I'm scared they'll think I'm the typical teenager who thinks she has this and that but no. I do a lot of research on my problems and I don't pick diagnoses like cherries and apples. Last week I tried to overdose on my Amitriptyline because I couldn't take it anymore. I had them pre-hidden in my binder because the week before I didn't get any sleep and I was in a depressive state thinking that everyone hated me and I promised myself that if another bad crappy thing happened at school, I could take the pills there and I wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore. (I know it's odd to take them at school but my mom's constantly watching me because I told the school counselor that I had suicidal thoughts and she had to tell my mom.) Anyway I was going to take them in the bathroom because I skipped class to do it, and I almost did but I kind of felt like I wanted someone to tell me no and take them away from me. I'm constantly feeling like I'm doing everything for attention, but I'm really not. I don't like talking about my problems to others because I'm scared I'll annoy them and I just bottle up my feelings. Sometimes I can't help it and I try to ask my friend for help but she just ignores it and doesn't really do anything. (I usually do this online so I don't actually do it in real life) I really like talking to her because she's really comforting but I don't want to weigh her down and whenever she hugs me I really love it especially whenever I get really depressed I always think about her hugs. My depression's only gotten worse at this point and I don't know what to do? thanks c:

You're a Survivor! I've been in your place, long ago, in school like you. Only I didn't even have a concussion at the time, so I can't imagine the feelings you must be having. You Do need to talk to a doctor (for you), and no half decent doctor would Ever accuse you or make you feel that you're doing this for attention. So if one ever does, you walk out with your head held high, and find a decent Dr. You need to take care of you. And remember that people care but sometimes don't know what to say. If they haven't experienced these feelings like so many people have, they can't possibly know what to say. And it's scary for them so they ignore it. You are definitely in a depression, possibly caused by the concussion, possibly caused by the social issues that a concussion can cause. Tell your mom you want to see a doctor about it. If you want, tell her you think your concussion caused it. (That might make it easier too). She is probably really scared right now, like my mom was. It will make her feel better, and you need to take this road to get yourself better. Because there is no one more important for you to look after than you. I know you can't see this now, but there is a time in the future where you're experiences will enable you to help other people. Possibly save them from themselves. You have an amazing future ahead of you. It is obvious just by reading this small insight you've offered out to us. Please stay strong, seek help from your mom and doctor, and be your own best friend.


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Hi Randomlakitutroll,

You should visit the " traumatic brain injury" site on this webpage. You are not alone. Many of us have suffered from different problems caused by concussions. There is a lot of helpful advice for you, and it can help you understand why you feel the way you do. And don't be afraid to talk to your parents...often they know something is wrong but don't know how to help you.

Stay strong and know that there is hope for your recovery. M-i-m