We are home, the last 4 weeks are up there with the worst I’ve had in my lifetime. His dementia is rapid and it’s unlikley he will know who we are when there again.

We’ve accomplished quite a lot in the 4 weeks, things the 3 siblings over there should have been able to do but hadn’t. Got him a new landline phone, one with photos so he just pushes the photo and it calls who he wants (8) photos incl emergency and doctors, it’s working well and joyfully he can clearly hear who he is speaking with. Got a framed clock that displays the day, date and time and an alarm sounds at prescribed times and anounces clearly it’s time to take your tablets, have a drink of water, eat breakfast, lunch, dinner etc, the nurse is coming today, it’s time to go to bed, whatever you schedule it to say really. (A fabulous idea btw if you know anyone who is heading down the dementia path). We got him registered on the list to move to a gated complex and it’s likley to happen within the next 8 weeks - bonus it’s 200 meters from BIL house. In the meantime we put monitored alarms for the 2 doors so if he goes out the front or back door anytime after 9.30pm it automatically rings BIL mobile phone and if no response it will keep ringing other listed numbers. Arranged and registered lasting power of attorney for finance & health - BIL. Arranged for the district nurse to attend once a week, got the social worker in and organised a care package that will have someone come for lunch time food prep and meds, dinner food prep and meds and 9pm meds and promt him to get ready for bed. He remains extremely vulnerable but BIL has woken up to how bad he is. We stayed at dads the last 2 weeks and last week at 2am I got up to find him dressed and ready to go out, it took me 30minutes to convince him it’s the middle of the night and he needs to go back to bed. He’d made his bed and all, so it’s possibke the same thing had happened the 2 weeks prior. I don’t think I’ve ever in my lifetime had to hang a prosthetic limb on the clothes line to dry out after his last overnight venture. It took days to dry out - lucky we had hot weather. And where was SIL while all this happened - at her home complaining we were ignoring her. No we were not, she was told daily what was happening but she is all about her and insistent there is nothing wrong with her father. I can’t be bothered to put the things on here she has done, suffice to say cruel and nasty and on a daily basis. So much so I thought the old man was suffering a stroke one day she had upset him so. I feel for my BIL he acknowledged he thought he could cope until he realised he couldn’t, and that was before dad went walk about. I can only hope and pray this move to the sheltered home in a gated complex will suffice. The new place has all that we have put in place, plus a GP next door, pharmacy on site, warden and nursing on site and the gates are locked at night. And it has an alarm indoors so if anything happens he can contact the staff, oh and we arranged a wristlet that is a GPS alert and fall alarm.

Pam, I think that you did a great job are organising everything (we had to do something similar for my MIL though there was no family aggro).

Now you are back you might have a fair bit to process. Please remember that looking after yourself first is not a selfish thing to do.

Indeed, I’m back at work already quite jet lagged but determined to tend to my own needs before any others.

My much loved cousin passed away Wednesday 15, 64 yrs of age and retired only 6 weeks ago. His last moments on this earth were sat on his surf board, his last words were I’m ok, just tired, very tired, I’ll make my way in shore in a moment, you take this break; he said this to a stranger who worriedly asked him if he was ok. She took the break and returned only to find him face down in the water. Many surfers rallied round and tried CPR without success. They got him to shore. To say I am in shock after this last dreadful 4 weeks is inadequate. My heart breaks for my family, I feel for this poor woman and other surfers who tried to assist him. They could do no more than what they did. A reminder, live for the moment, tomorrow may never come.

Pam, words are inadequate but I just want to say that I am desperately sorry for both you and your cousin.

As ever, my thoughts are with you.

And learned on Monday my brother has got thyroid cancer. Will know more next week. Had surgery on Tuesday to remove the thyroid, hopefully they got it all. The first op was for a parathyroidectomy 2 weeks ago (on the day my cousin died) and that’s when they discovered the tumour. His vocal chords were damaged in the first op, he has very little voice now and apparently it’s unlikely to recover. A shout comes over as a husky whisper. I believe we will tell mum this weekend. Dr Google says this type of cancer, depending on what stage and if spread can have a good outcome. Saying my prayers.

Pam,

Thoughts & lots of prayers are with you and your family.


Gerry

Pam, I can relate; one of my brothers-in-law had thyroid cancer. That was ten years ago and he is well.

I hope the same will be true for your brother.

Haven’t posted much, been out of the loop with so much family stuff. Work Contract has been extended for a further 4 weeks while they go through the Consultant phase. I just wish they would get on with it, I wouldn’t mind going back to my old part time role to be totally honest. I am very very tired. Since returning from UK I have struggled to get motivated in work and I’ve had 2 days sick along it’s the days off for the funerals etc.

Good news on my brother. Surgery got it all, just needs MRI scans every 3 months- which I find a little odd, but there you go. His vocal chords however are damaged for life

That is good news about your brother apart from his vocal cords.

I hope that your work stuff gets sorted soon and that you stop feeling so tired.