We are home, the last 4 weeks are up there with the worst I’ve had in my lifetime. His dementia is rapid and it’s unlikley he will know who we are when there again.

We’ve accomplished quite a lot in the 4 weeks, things the 3 siblings over there should have been able to do but hadn’t. Got him a new landline phone, one with photos so he just pushes the photo and it calls who he wants (8) photos incl emergency and doctors, it’s working well and joyfully he can clearly hear who he is speaking with. Got a framed clock that displays the day, date and time and an alarm sounds at prescribed times and anounces clearly it’s time to take your tablets, have a drink of water, eat breakfast, lunch, dinner etc, the nurse is coming today, it’s time to go to bed, whatever you schedule it to say really. (A fabulous idea btw if you know anyone who is heading down the dementia path). We got him registered on the list to move to a gated complex and it’s likley to happen within the next 8 weeks - bonus it’s 200 meters from BIL house. In the meantime we put monitored alarms for the 2 doors so if he goes out the front or back door anytime after 9.30pm it automatically rings BIL mobile phone and if no response it will keep ringing other listed numbers. Arranged and registered lasting power of attorney for finance & health - BIL. Arranged for the district nurse to attend once a week, got the social worker in and organised a care package that will have someone come for lunch time food prep and meds, dinner food prep and meds and 9pm meds and promt him to get ready for bed. He remains extremely vulnerable but BIL has woken up to how bad he is. We stayed at dads the last 2 weeks and last week at 2am I got up to find him dressed and ready to go out, it took me 30minutes to convince him it’s the middle of the night and he needs to go back to bed. He’d made his bed and all, so it’s possibke the same thing had happened the 2 weeks prior. I don’t think I’ve ever in my lifetime had to hang a prosthetic limb on the clothes line to dry out after his last overnight venture. It took days to dry out - lucky we had hot weather. And where was SIL while all this happened - at her home complaining we were ignoring her. No we were not, she was told daily what was happening but she is all about her and insistent there is nothing wrong with her father. I can’t be bothered to put the things on here she has done, suffice to say cruel and nasty and on a daily basis. So much so I thought the old man was suffering a stroke one day she had upset him so. I feel for my BIL he acknowledged he thought he could cope until he realised he couldn’t, and that was before dad went walk about. I can only hope and pray this move to the sheltered home in a gated complex will suffice. The new place has all that we have put in place, plus a GP next door, pharmacy on site, warden and nursing on site and the gates are locked at night. And it has an alarm indoors so if anything happens he can contact the staff, oh and we arranged a wristlet that is a GPS alert and fall alarm.

Pam, I think that you did a great job are organising everything (we had to do something similar for my MIL though there was no family aggro).

Now you are back you might have a fair bit to process. Please remember that looking after yourself first is not a selfish thing to do.

:hug:

Indeed, I’m back at work already quite jet lagged but determined to tend to my own needs before any others.

My much loved cousin passed away Wednesday 15, 64 yrs of age and retired only 6 weeks ago. His last moments on this earth were sat on his surf board, his last words were I’m ok, just tired, very tired, I’ll make my way in shore in a moment, you take this break; he said this to a stranger who worriedly asked him if he was ok. She took the break and returned only to find him face down in the water. Many surfers rallied round and tried CPR without success. They got him to shore. To say I am in shock after this last dreadful 4 weeks is inadequate. My heart breaks for my family, I feel for this poor woman and other surfers who tried to assist him. They could do no more than what they did. A reminder, live for the moment, tomorrow may never come.

Pam, words are inadequate but I just want to say that I am desperately sorry for both you and your cousin.

As ever, my thoughts are with you.

:hug:

And learned on Monday my brother has got thyroid cancer. Will know more next week. Had surgery on Tuesday to remove the thyroid, hopefully they got it all. The first op was for a parathyroidectomy 2 weeks ago (on the day my cousin died) and that’s when they discovered the tumour. His vocal chords were damaged in the first op, he has very little voice now and apparently it’s unlikely to recover. A shout comes over as a husky whisper. I believe we will tell mum this weekend. Dr Google says this type of cancer, depending on what stage and if spread can have a good outcome. Saying my prayers.

Pam,

Thoughts & lots of prayers are with you and your family.


Gerry

Pam, I can relate; one of my brothers-in-law had thyroid cancer. That was ten years ago and he is well.

I hope the same will be true for your brother.

:hug:

Haven’t posted much, been out of the loop with so much family stuff. Work Contract has been extended for a further 4 weeks while they go through the Consultant phase. I just wish they would get on with it, I wouldn’t mind going back to my old part time role to be totally honest. I am very very tired. Since returning from UK I have struggled to get motivated in work and I’ve had 2 days sick along it’s the days off for the funerals etc.

Good news on my brother. Surgery got it all, just needs MRI scans every 3 months- which I find a little odd, but there you go. His vocal chords however are damaged for life :(

That is good news about your brother apart from his vocal cords.

I hope that your work stuff gets sorted soon and that you stop feeling so tired.

:hug:

Offered the job of FT HR Business Partner for the 3 states on Friday, accepted it today. Laugh of the moment, I was in hospital today when I accepted it. Oh well, they know I’m sick but still offer me the job on a permanent basis. I’ll see how I go.

I hope that it works out well for you :).

So my brothers cancer is so rare, there have only been 8 of its kind in the last 35 years. Thank goodness they believe they got it all. The 3 monthly MRI’s are concerning (I think it strange) but he seems ok with it all. He flew over last weekend, his vocal chords are permanently damaged and all he can muster is a whisper. But I’ll take that any day over the alternative!

Forgot to add I had a mylogram of the cervical and thoracic. Should get it the results next week. Not that I want them, I don’t know what to do if anything is bad and indicative I need surgical intervention. I’m over surgery for ever!

PamelaJune

I find you to be very strong. I have read lots of this post.
And think you are very strong. I am here if I can help.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Pam, I hope your brother's MRI results are nothing to be concerned about.

Also, I hope that your myelogram results turn out well.

:hug:

I find 3 monthly MRI’s to be unusual but My brother seems ok with it so I’m saying nothing.

I hope to get the mylogram results next week when my neurosurgeon returns from holiday.

PamelaJune -- I had a malignant tumor removed from my brain in 2005 and had to have MRIs every 3 months for a year, then they changed to every 6 months, (another surgery) then every 12 months. May 2018 the hospital finally changed it to every 24 months for the rest of my life. Whew.
It is to watch for any return of the tumor.

I’ve been to chicken to go get my mylogram results and I’ve been extra busy with work travelling to Vic, SA and NT. I went to my GP Weds hoping she had a copy of the report but no such luck.

Yesterday something terrible happened. I had to have our 2 dogs Bono and Bronson put to sleep. Bronson had cancer and somehow Bono fractured his spine on Thursday while I was in work. I spent the night with him on the floor and he finally collapsed onto my chest and I could ease him to the floor. At that stage I knew something was wrong but not what. I couldn’t pick him up so had to wait for the vet to come to me. When she did, she said the kindest thing is to let him go, he’s nearly 14 & she looked at Bronson and said the same for him. So my boys who arrived together 13years ago and have been my stalwart companions have crossed the rainbow bridge. I’m beyond devastated can’t speak to anyone and keep saying to myself I want them back. Got DB home as they were his dogs first. He too is heartbroken.

Pam, you have my deepest sympathy.

Losing much-loved pets is always a hard thing.

:hug: :hug:

Pam -- I'm so sorry - so very sorry.

I’m so tired I struggle to find the energy to write on the board. I check in regularly. I have so much I want to say, I just can’t. I miss my NT friends and the spiritual lift me up you give, selfish I know.

I’ve found me, I’m tired, I’m sad and I’m still the one who goes out of her way to make everyone else feel good about themselves. I make my way through each day in the manner of a worn down warrior. I smile & I fake it, all in the hope that one day I’ll make it.

I don’t think I can do this much more. Happy Easter to those who believe, happy holiday to those that don’t.

Pam, I am still here and still care about you.

For me Easter is a time for quiet self-reflection.

You are a good person who I admire. I hope that self-reflection over Easter will help you with that.

:hug:

If I don’t laugh I’ll cry. I’ve got Shingles. Had to go to emergency GP today, he said it’s severe, up there with the worst he’s seen. Oh well it explains the fatigue and extra pain... excruciating and sleepless nights. I’m so over it all. Have to travel to Melbourne next week, hope I’m well enough to endure the flight there and back. Then Adelaide & Darwin the following week, and same again the week later.

Pam, that does not sound like fun; I hope that you recover from your shingles soon.

:hug:

Pam; so sorry to learn on top of everything else; Shingles!!!!!!!

With Singles; travel would not be good for you or the possibility of contagious. That might help you have a good reason to postpone travels.

Think of you often. Like you check in occasionally.

Gerry

Had Colonoscopy & Endoscopy on Monday, polyps removed, follow up in 5yrs, an improvement on the last 3yrs ago. Now have gastritis - explains the constant gnawing feeling. Still get the bowel obstructions but work hard on not ending up in emergency...

Work is draining, I need a break. DB & I are reconciled, it’s been a long trek. In the main, I’m content. My dogs are still missed every day, their passing was the conduit for DB and I to reconnect.

Pam, I think that 5 years is an improvement.

That is good that you and DB are reconciled.

:hug:

Pam,
I'm glad you had the Colonoscopy. I waited too many years to have my first Colonoscopy. That's how my rectal cancer was found.

I was sure I didn't need a Colonoscopy until I got so backed up; couldn't have BM so went to emergency where I was admitted. Was talked into doing a Colonoscopy while in hospital. Finally said "okay". Can't recommend enough after 50/60 yrs. old "do it" whether you think you need it or not.

Good to learn you and DB are reconciled.

Gerry