Go Back   NeuroTalk Support Groups > >

General Mental Health & Emotional Support For all general mental health or emotional support issues.

Finding me again after 25 years

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-22-2017, 01:03 AM   #31
ger715
Magnate
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,163
My Mood: Finding me again after 25 years
Default

Pam,

He has greatly underestimated you . Keep believing in yourself. You will get through this for the better.

Gerry
ger715 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-22-2017), kiwi33 (12-22-2017), PamelaJune (12-22-2017), Wide-O (12-22-2017)
Old 12-22-2017, 04:59 AM   #32
kiwi33
Magnate
Community Welcome Team
 
kiwi33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Posts: 2,347
My Mood: Finding me again after 25 years
Default

Pam, I have some thoughts about how you might use the money from sale of your rental property. They are a bit technical and only apply to people who live here.

Please get in touch privately if you would like me to explain them.

__________________
Knowledge is power.
kiwi33 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-22-2017), ger715 (12-22-2017), PamelaJune (12-22-2017), Wide-O (12-22-2017)
Old 12-22-2017, 08:01 AM   #33
Wide-O
Member
 
Wide-O's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 511
Default

Pam, a practical tip from someone who's been there...

When I de-cluttered my life in 2005, I sold my koi for a ridiculously low price. Not free, but 1/15th of what they would be worth. That way you know it's folks who really want them.

If they are serious they will come over, catch them, put them in plastic bags with oxygen, and at least you'll get a bit of money. (!)

Best would be to join a koi forum (local or not), post a pic of pond/fish, explain you need to move/whatever other reason you want to put, and put a low price or ask for a best bid. There will be serious enthusiasts - often people who just had to rebuild their pond or had a calamity/disease that wiped out their population, and would JUMP at such an opportunity.

That was what happened in my case; a nice couple from Amsterdam came all the way with a van, big plastic bags, a baby washing tub (I know...) to make it easier to put them in the bags with a bit of water, and a big oxygen tank so they would not suffer on the 2 hour trip back. (oh, and yes, they all made it without issues and most are still alive even today)

FWIW I sold them for $1000 - they were worth about 15 to 20k. All depends on how many, how they look etc, but if you can catch say 500 quid, why not?!

Pond will not really smell all that much normally if it has been filtered and cleaned properly. Even if it would, after a few rains that will be gone.

A small pond is still a lot of work. Think carefully if you want that. In fact, small ponds get dirtier quicker (think about it! less water volume, so every bit of "debris" takes up more space percentage wise). I would advise letting it fill.

Ask around for a construction company who needs to unload their stuff. Doesn't really matter if there are rocks in the sand, right? I'm sure you can get that done for free. Put a small layer of top soil, some grass or whatever over it: done.

See pics to give you an idea.

PS: I did never fill in the pond though. Just kept small goldfish in them, no filtering. In the last 5 years I started again, but small, 5 big guys max. And yeah, that still takes 2 hours/week to properly maintain/debug etc. So in your case you should probably go the whole way.

PS2: last pic are the buyers, like I said, great folks, they were happy as can be!
Attached Thumbnails
Finding me again after 25 years-fish_bye_2-jpg   Finding me again after 25 years-fish_bye_1-jpg   Finding me again after 25 years-fish_bye_3-jpg  
Wide-O is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-22-2017), ger715 (12-22-2017), kiwi33 (12-23-2017), PamelaJune (12-22-2017)
Old 12-22-2017, 08:07 AM   #34
Wide-O
Member
 
Wide-O's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 511
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ger715 View Post
He has greatly underestimated you
Oh yes... oh yes. Truer words etc...

And I know, that doesn't take away the hurt. But if I were a betting man, I'd know on who I'd put my money to come out on top with a cherry ...
Wide-O is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-22-2017), ger715 (12-22-2017), PamelaJune (12-22-2017)
Old 12-22-2017, 08:51 AM   #35
PamelaJune
Senior Member
 
PamelaJune's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 1,131
Default

How many Koi did they take? I think I have about 30 or more. No rains for a few months now, summer has arrived... days and days of 30 plus for the next 3 months.

Iíve attached photos of the pond, or what you can see if the pond to give an idea of the size, the deck the dogs are sitting on (Bronson and Bono) that covers 1/2 of it, so in essence it stretches from one side of the yard about 1. To 1.5 meter in from each fence and is about 4 meters wide under the deck and 2-3 meters wide in the exposed but. A jolly big pond... you can just see the bottom of the waterfall. Canít find a photo with the fish, I know Iíve got some but canít see for looking... The front view of the pond has got my Holly and our Abyssinian Penne.

Could I keep small goldfish in the smaller mould? Or maybe no blinking fish then I donít have to worry ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-O View Post
Pam, a practical tip from someone who's been there..
Pond will not really smell all that much normally if it has been filtered and cleaned properly. Even if it would, after a few rains that will be gone.

A small pond is still a lot of work. Think carefully if you want that. In fact, small ponds get dirtier quicker (think about it! less water volume, so every bit of "debris" takes up more space percentage wise). I would advise letting it fill.

Ask around for a construction company who needs to unload their stuff. Doesn't really matter if there are rocks in the sand, right? I'm sure you can get that done for free. Put a small layer of top soil, some grass or whatever over it: done.

PS: I did never fill in the pond though. Just kept small goldfish in them, no filtering. In the last 5 years I started again, but small, 5 big guys max. And yeah, that still takes 2 hours/week to properly maintain/debug etc. So in your case you should probably go the whole
Attached Thumbnails
Finding me again after 25 years-c9b41aa7-aab0-4c80-80cf-3e1e0475be04-jpg   Finding me again after 25 years-bdd4142c-64d3-4116-8da1-dca90e178fcb-jpeg   Finding me again after 25 years-b1c6da96-2762-4637-96da-4b347d1b0862-jpeg  
__________________
I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion
PamelaJune is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-23-2017), ger715 (12-22-2017), Wide-O (12-22-2017)
Old 12-22-2017, 10:44 AM   #36
Wide-O
Member
 
Wide-O's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 511
Default

You could keep small goldfish (well, they get to about 15cm and 25 years old) without needing filtration. No fish is a no-no as you then just built yourself a giant mosquito breeding place (!) And as you'd have almost no debris from big fish, you could leave the pond the size it is now! Just stop the whole filtration system. And don't worry about algae/pond turning green for a while: the fish love it. You wouldn't even have to feed them, they'll find their own food without any problems.

You'd still ideally have to put a net over the pond in fall (dunno if you have many leaves whirling around - they do sink and make a mess/produce methane etc on the bottom).

I had my pond going without filtration or skimmer for 5 years without any problem, with about 10 goldfish (don't take golden orfes, they get very big as well.)

Nets are cheap, and only need to be put/removed once a year.

It looks great, so maybe reconsider and indeed go "small fry"?

I gave away about 17 fish IIRC.

On a nice day you can always try to spend a few hours on your deck, feed them a few pellets at the time, and take pics when they come up. That way it's easier for others to see what types etc. you have.

Another way is throwing a half orange (peel & all) in the pond: they will play with it and eat from it (and it's healthy LOL). Again a good way to take a few snapshots.

If you love the layout, and don't mind just having a very few small fish, the least work would be a) sell the biguns b) feed pump directly to the waterfall (skip filtration system). A possible c) is - if already installed - keep a skimmer going, and empty that every week or so. Usually that's a small basket which will contain leaves. Not heavy, 5 minute job.

The BIG JOB usually is to clean out the filter. I don't know if it's brushes or mats or a combination etc, but it's literally a sh***ty job and even breaks my back. But with no big fish, there is nothing to filter, the volume is more than needed to keep "self-sustaining" (maybe add a few iris?/other marginal plants) so the little ones will be happy as ... erm... fish in the water. (sorry. )

30 grown koi produce a huge amount of crud. Remove them and your pond will stay just fine without "big maintenance". Done it, have T-shirt, it works (my pond is about 30,000 liters).

With that solution you would a) get money b) keep nice pond c) have little to no work. I dunno, take your time to think it over? Making it smaller would make it less healthy for the small fish (!)...

PS: I know a bit about types of koi, but not enough to "value" them properly. But for example, say, if you have a 50cm white one with only a red dot on its head then, yeah, that one may well be worth 4K or more... So don't be a thief of your own wallet either.

Edit: I now see the pond was made using a liner (probably Firestone), so it is possible to "make it smaller" without having to buy anything at all. Just sell fish, drain, (doesn't have to be totally drained), peel back liner towards the part that stays, fill in the bit you want gone with sand/whatever, and "move up" the liner to it's new frontier - and cut away the excess. Sounds more complicated than it is.
Wide-O is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-23-2017), ger715 (12-22-2017), PamelaJune (12-22-2017)
Old 12-22-2017, 08:26 PM   #37
PamelaJune
Senior Member
 
PamelaJune's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 1,131
Default

I know very litttle about Koi and goldfish, but I’m fairly certain we have a combination in the pond. We lost 5 of our big Koi 3 years ago when the humidity was very high and we had an electrical outage for over 8 hours, the pump wasn’t working and the fish were gasping for air at the top. It was terrible and I was devestated to see them struggling. The smaller ones survived as did the big goldfish. The pondshop up the road lost 3 of his Koi same night because of the same thing...

Can’t run the hozelock pumps and stop the filtration, these pumps db bought to replace the Oase pump we had which only needed doing once every 8 weeks to these 2 new pumps (which are crap) and need doing every week. The pond shop had sold to new owners and they were distributors of the new product and talked db into, changing to them (keep in mind he caught legionnaires we think from the Oase pump) hozelock bioforce, supposed to be simple easy turn of the handle, they have never ever been a simple easy turn, they were installed incorrectly, and we’ve had nothing but trouble since. Last Xmas when db was away they broke down and I had to get a chap in to fix them as the humidity was high, he said they’re still under warranty, so while db was away for the 3 weeks I was doing the weekly turn and clean it nearly broke my back, getting in and out of the pond to the actual pumps to lift them out and clean, then go to the filters and turn them to run the water clean. It’s just a massive job ever since he got these new pumps. I hate them with a passion and the chap that came to fix them said get rid of them while under warranty, they’re useless. He recommended we go back to the Oase or a different brand but of course db came home, never did anything about following up despite me giving him all the detail what needed to be done and so now out of warranty, stuck with a crappy system I can’t manage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-O View Post
You could keep small goldfish (well, they get to about 15cm and 25 years old) without needing filtration. No fish is a no-no as you then just built yourself a giant mosquito breeding place (!) And as you'd have almost no debris from big fish, you could leave the pond the size it is now! Just stop the whole filtration system. And don't worry about algae/pond turning green for a while: the fish love it. You wouldn't even have to feed them, they'll find their own food without any problems.

You'd still ideally have to put a net over the pond in fall (dunno if you have many leaves whirling around - they do sink and make a mess/produce methane etc on the bottom).

I had my pond going without filtration or skimmer for 5 years without any problem, with about 10 goldfish (don't take golden orfes, they get very big as well.)

Nets are cheap, and only need to be put/removed once a year.

It looks great, so maybe reconsider and indeed go "small fry"?

I gave away about 17 fish IIRC.

On a nice day you can always try to spend a few hours on your deck, feed them a few pellets at the time, and take pics when they come up. That way it's easier for others to see what types etc. you have.

Another way is throwing a half orange (peel & all) in the pond: they will play with it and eat from it (and it's healthy LOL). Again a good way to take a few snapshots.

If you love the layout, and don't mind just having a very few small fish, the least work would be a) sell the biguns b) feed pump directly to the waterfall (skip filtration system). A possible c) is - if already installed - keep a skimmer going, and empty that every week or so. Usually that's a small basket which will contain leaves. Not heavy, 5 minute job.

The BIG JOB usually is to clean out the filter. I don't know if it's brushes or mats or a combination etc, but it's literally a sh***ty job and even breaks my back. But with no big fish, there is nothing to filter, the volume is more than needed to keep "self-sustaining" (maybe add a few iris?/other marginal plants) so the little ones will be happy as ... erm... fish in the water. (sorry. )

30 grown koi produce a huge amount of crud. Remove them and your pond will stay just fine without "big maintenance". Done it, have T-shirt, it works (my pond is about 30,000 liters).

With that solution you would a) get money b) keep nice pond c) have little to no work. I dunno, take your time to think it over? Making it smaller would make it less healthy for the small fish (!)...

PS: I know a bit about types of koi, but not enough to "value" them properly. But for example, say, if you have a 50cm white one with only a red dot on its head then, yeah, that one may well be worth 4K or more... So don't be a thief of your own wallet either.

Edit: I now see the pond was made using a liner (probably Firestone), so it is possible to "make it smaller" without having to buy anything at all. Just sell fish, drain, (doesn't have to be totally drained), peel back liner towards the part that stays, fill in the bit you want gone with sand/whatever, and "move up" the liner to it's new frontier - and cut away the excess. Sounds more complicated than it is.
Attached Thumbnails
Finding me again after 25 years-b3d32fed-87d0-4cbf-a2f4-dfc05ba75d79-jpg  
__________________
I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion

Last edited by PamelaJune; 12-22-2017 at 08:42 PM.
PamelaJune is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-23-2017), ger715 (12-22-2017), Wide-O (12-23-2017)
Old 12-22-2017, 09:37 PM   #38
PamelaJune
Senior Member
 
PamelaJune's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Where my heart is
Posts: 1,131
Default

He is here and has done the pond, the blow vac of the yard, mowing of the front lawn and the trimming of the hedges.

He said again, I know you think she is forever but she isnít, she stayed at the boys 3 nights this week, she is there today doing the washing. Says his feeling go down for her but the minute someone says anything about her he is pushed towards her, I said thatís addiction and the sooner you realise that the safer you will be, but youíve mistaken me for someone who cares. I no longer care because Iíve learned more in this last week and I know Iím no longer the laughing stock of town, but you my friend, you are. By who? He says - people who know you and her, that would be who, his first words well I donít drink there anymore so it doesnít matter. No I replied, it doesnít but pride and integrity used to be something you valued and while you may say you donít care, you will sooner or later when everything you once valued is destroyed.

I told him I definitely did not destroy the letters, told him about her Instagram account and the photo of burning papers in the chimenea November 5th and that I didnít appreciate him trying to make me think I had gone and hidden them and now couldnít find them. I said so it was either you or her, he just said ďOkĒ. And while that hurts, I will just have to get over it, keeping them would only bring me down so either one of them has done me a huge favour in the long run.
__________________
I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion
PamelaJune is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-23-2017), ger715 (12-22-2017), kiwi33 (12-23-2017), Wide-O (12-23-2017)
Old 12-23-2017, 12:06 AM   #39
ger715
Magnate
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,163
My Mood: Finding me again after 25 years
Default

Pam,
Ii is good you got to tell him what you have been thinking. Letting him know, even tho it hurts; he has mistaken you for someone who cares, and that you no longer care. Your self respect and pride in yourself is quite evident. That must have given db "food for thought" about himself.

You were given so much advice about the pond. It's amazing those who are able to discuss with so much detail. I hope this has all been helpful.


Gerry
ger715 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-23-2017), kiwi33 (12-23-2017), PamelaJune (12-23-2017), Wide-O (12-23-2017)
Old 12-23-2017, 03:13 AM   #40
kiwi33
Magnate
Community Welcome Team
 
kiwi33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Posts: 2,347
My Mood: Finding me again after 25 years
Default

Pam, it is excellent that you has such an honest and direct conversation with DB.

The information about your fish and pond reminds me of an old joke in which a young boy was asked to review a book about penguins. His review was one line; "This book told me more about penguins than I wanted to know.".

Seriously, I hope that it will all help you .

__________________
Knowledge is power.
kiwi33 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
eva5667faliure (12-23-2017), ger715 (12-23-2017), PamelaJune (12-23-2017), Wide-O (12-23-2017)
Reply

Tags
arms, itís, iím, iíve, support

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Stephen Hawking, Given Two Years to Live in 1963, Is Going To Space Over 50 Years Lat MuonOne ALS News & Research 0 03-26-2017 04:45 PM
finding my way frankdavid Attention Deficit Disorder 5 11-28-2014 08:19 PM
New MS Finding. SallyC Multiple Sclerosis 1 09-19-2013 03:19 PM
Help finding a Dr. carrielynne2000 New Member Introductions 7 05-28-2010 08:45 PM
Misdiagnosed for Years...Sufferers can have illness for years before knowing it Stitcher Parkinson's Disease 0 10-26-2007 12:07 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:52 PM.
Brought to you by the fine folks who publish mental health and psychology information at Psych Central ē Mental Health Forums

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment
provided by a qualified health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.


Powered by vBulletin • Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO v2.0.31 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.

All posts copyright their original authors ē Community Guidelines ē Terms of Use ē Privacy Policy