My sister stayed last night and is cleaning this morning for me. It is highly evident Miss BO didn’t clean in the time she was here.

My sister told me a story db once told her ex husband, It was not long after the failed IVF in the 1990’s. He told Jack when I’m in my 40’s I will leave Pam. She can’t have children and in my 40’s I’ll still be able to.

So, I guess this fits with everything, in 2012 which is the timeline in which I’ve noted he changed. My niece gave birth to her 3rd son, db was round there all the time, my sister was away and my niece relied heavily on me and db. DB formed a very strong bond with the baby M. In late 2012/early 2013 my sister returned from the UK and my niece dropped us like hot cakes, she had her mother running her here there and everywhere and the baby no longer with db. I recall how bitter he was, and I said it’s understandable it’s her mum, we were not used and we’ve not been dropped, there is nothing preventing you from still seeing M. But no, he became very bitter and twisted over it. I vividly recall a drunken outburst from him in 2013 when he went on about his he’d missed the opportunity to have children.

And I remember on our anniversary this year he made a comment about not having had children. I also remember him asking in a very intimate moment “do you love me” in such a voice I cried. Miss BO spent a lot of time with db during the painting of the house in July and August while I was in hospital.

October 15 this year db went to my nieces birthday party with A (I was in hospital) M said to db I don’t know who you are. DB was upset, that we went to her house the following week and I took photos of db and M as a baby to show M (now 5). Of course by this time miss BO was constantly saying how much she wanted a baby.

So suddenly out of the blue in November db brings up the failed IVF, he hasn’t spoken of it for 20 years, wasn’t there for the d&c or my discharge from hospital, he never spoke of it ever other than to say we can’t afford the IVF and he wouldn’t adopt.

Miss BO asked me constantly in October about my IVF and why I didn’t have children, and how much it affected db, she watched me cry every time she asked me about it. Little did I know she was hatching her plan to have babies with db.

So it makes sense to me on so many levels and the messages she made sure I saw about him wanting to have a family with her. Cruel and twisted she is, very cruel and manipulative. Gosh she just reeled him in like a blowfish on lard. Come in sucker. And that’s what she continues to use on him, word around town is she is actively trying to have a baby. I did say she will be pregnant by Xmas.

I watched a tv show last night mummy dead and dearest. Dee Dee Blanchard. I think miss BO is definitely on target to replicate those actions. Attention seeking on all levels.

I feel as though I’ve been peeled back to the core of my soul. It is the one thing he wanted and I couldn’t do. It’s the one thing she found out and used to her every effort to seduce him. He had such high morals and values, he would never have strayed, he’s had the opportunity many times and never been that type of man. I know this. But this, well it all makes so much sense now. I was his go to person, he used to talk highly of me all the time. Following my discharge from hospital in August and before the surgery he was distant. I guess miss BO had already set her plans in action. Hence the reason for the phone call to me on Monday 27th August and this plaintive I have no where to live...why oh why was I such a decent and trusting person, why couldn’t I have been unkind and distant. What a fool I have made of myself all these years.

And while I think on it, the day we saw his Psych and her bluntly asking db if she can be honest. Then stating he has been wanting to leave or make changes to his life for the last 12 months. He’s spent $225 a session and seen her for 2 years.

I wish I had my wits about me to instead of being shocked being able to say to her and what strategies did you present to db to make these changes. You sent him to the mankind project. And then abandoned him, you as much told him that with the MKP he won’t need her. I well remember when he was suicidal and in the phonceall I had to his psychiatrist whom said he had never recieved a report from her regarding db and she can’t just abandon him. I remember chronicling the anger his psychiatrist expressed. And I remember db made no changes he went to MKP and was for a little bit rejuvenated but it dropped away as he does with everything, he loses interest.

I found an email he sent me this time last year; Thanks for your help together we can achieve so much. If we make a plan when I get back home and we can do a little every day. I just need help getting me started I feel a lot happier just doing the pond. I will miss you over Christmas I just need to think before I speak and show my appreciation. Maybe we can start over in the new year? We have stuck together for the last 24 years if we try we can make it better we are 80% there if we both make a little more effort wow we can do anything. Love Lyndon.

Clearly I missed the maybe we can start over... but I more than put in my 20% towards to 100, db put in 0%. All he did was complain & couch sit, no effort to do anything. But when little miss BO came along and started to do things (because he was paying her) he felt motivated. Motivation should come from within yourself, not guilt because someone else is doing it. And that’s what used to happen with us, I would get frustrated with his lack of action in the yard and I’d go and start working out there, then he would join in. That is exactly what happened with her, she was paid to do something and he’d go out and join her. Paying someone to do something that your helping them to do. I do hope he’s having fun in his new active life.

Pam, I think that your last two posts must have been very hard and cathartic for you to write. They only reinforce my belief that you are a very honest and compassionate person.

The way in which Miss BO has manipulated both you and DB fits with my indirect experience of people with BPD. There is no way that I am trying to make excuses for her.

I hope that it is OK if I offer you a gentle and respectful suggestion.

It might be an idea if you just sat with what you have recently learned. This is not something which can be measured in hours or days. Processing it all might lead you to, for want of a better word, acceptance.

I hope that this helps.

Your honesty amazes and humbles me - still - and I think I see large pieces of a puzzle that didn't seem to make sense fall in place.

I'm having a hard time at the moment to avoid words that MrsD and the rest of NT would heavily frown upon, so I will refrain, but I am shocked, deeply shocked. Yes, Kiwi is right, the manipulator found the weak spot. Which does not excuse DB in any way shape or form. But they are wickedly good at that. It's like they have some special radar, I bet it doesn't even take them long to zoom in.

I am glad you chronicled, and keep doing so. As painful as it may, no, must, be, it makes it crystal clear what both the obvious and deep hidden truths are.

I can only say - repeat - I am honored to have become pals with you, and I can feel the hurt this must be doing to you, deeply. As little as it is, please know I will always have your back - even if I have to travel to the other end of the world and give some people a good talking to. (and no, I don't mean violence, it would be choice words). I'm also sure many in this thread feel exactly the same.

PS: I again want to repeat you were not a fool. At all.

Thanks Kiwi, I will, believe me I will, sleep I hope tonight will not evade me, I wake every night sometimes every hour in the hour, sometimes every two hours. I haven’t slept a full night since I learned the truth. Now that I know some more truths, perhaps my mind can stop cartwheeling looking for answers and find peace in acceptance.

Having to find it is in your court
It is something you must feel and go through
Sad as that may sound is the truth
It is your threshold you are seeking to find
And you will
You have the truth
As painful as it all is
Empowering uou WILL become
Nobody can get there but you
And I believe you have had enough proof of infidelity
A no no
A big time no no
Some will forgive and allow them all the way back
Others will always wonder
You have the Power within
Find yourself
You are PamelaJune
The lovely lady
Peace
Love
Me

I know we thank each other for posts with that button anyway, but I wanted to thank you in a more personal way for this post. I could not have said it better.

Every love letter exchanged between us for the last 12 years was kept in a box in our hallway closet. Alongside the box were my boxing gloves. I went looking for the letters yesterday morning. They are all gone, disappeared. I asked db why would he destroy the letters, he replied he hadn’t. There is only one other person who has been in that cupboard. Miss BO using my boxing gloves.

DB has tried to tell me I got the letters out and showed him and I’ve hidden them. I have not had the letters out, I have not shown him. I did tell him I had the letters. But I didn’t show him, I would have written about it in my chronicle of this or his journey. So I know I haven’t. It’s him trying to make me question my sanity, he’s either done it or she has, or the two of them have. But in these letters there was reference to the many arguments we have had over the years, and on at least 2 occasions reference to children, if as I believe, she has read them, she will have been front line and centre into our life and able to hone in on exactly db wanted.

No cleaning of the pond, yesterday to tired and in too bad of a mood, today is apparently sick in bed.

Gave me my Xmas present yesterday, asked me to keep it here for safe keeping before Xmas day. Said he had ordered it before and had to pay for it yesterday. I doubt that very much, if you order something from the jewellers and don’t pick it up, you don’t have to pay for it. More mind games.

Tells me yesterday he thinks she is crazy - no kidding Sherlock. Happy days ahead for you db, happy days, I’d be sleeping with one eye open if she finds out you’ve bought me a Xmas present.

Learned some eye watering truths from her old boss who has apologised for laughing at me. Seems she has been in direct contact with him but has lied to db about that as well. The old boss has deleted her from all his contacts and blocked her. (He was one of those she made allegations against of improper behaviour). The boss sent me a message saying he is sorry I met her through his company.