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12-22-2017, 08:26 PM | #1 | |||
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Senior Member
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I know very litttle about Koi and goldfish, but I’m fairly certain we have a combination in the pond. We lost 5 of our big Koi 3 years ago when the humidity was very high and we had an electrical outage for over 8 hours, the pump wasn’t working and the fish were gasping for air at the top. It was terrible and I was devestated to see them struggling. The smaller ones survived as did the big goldfish. The pondshop up the road lost 3 of his Koi same night because of the same thing...
Can’t run the hozelock pumps and stop the filtration, these pumps db bought to replace the Oase pump we had which only needed doing once every 8 weeks to these 2 new pumps (which are crap) and need doing every week. The pond shop had sold to new owners and they were distributors of the new product and talked db into, changing to them (keep in mind he caught legionnaires we think from the Oase pump) hozelock bioforce, supposed to be simple easy turn of the handle, they have never ever been a simple easy turn, they were installed incorrectly, and we’ve had nothing but trouble since. Last Xmas when db was away they broke down and I had to get a chap in to fix them as the humidity was high, he said they’re still under warranty, so while db was away for the 3 weeks I was doing the weekly turn and clean it nearly broke my back, getting in and out of the pond to the actual pumps to lift them out and clean, then go to the filters and turn them to run the water clean. It’s just a massive job ever since he got these new pumps. I hate them with a passion and the chap that came to fix them said get rid of them while under warranty, they’re useless. He recommended we go back to the Oase or a different brand but of course db came home, never did anything about following up despite me giving him all the detail what needed to be done and so now out of warranty, stuck with a crappy system I can’t manage. Quote:
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I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion Last edited by PamelaJune; 12-22-2017 at 08:42 PM. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: |
12-22-2017, 09:37 PM | #2 | |||
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Senior Member
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He is here and has done the pond, the blow vac of the yard, mowing of the front lawn and the trimming of the hedges.
He said again, I know you think she is forever but she isn’t, she stayed at the boys 3 nights this week, she is there today doing the washing. Says his feeling go down for her but the minute someone says anything about her he is pushed towards her, I said that’s addiction and the sooner you realise that the safer you will be, but you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares. I no longer care because I’ve learned more in this last week and I know I’m no longer the laughing stock of town, but you my friend, you are. By who? He says - people who know you and her, that would be who, his first words well I don’t drink there anymore so it doesn’t matter. No I replied, it doesn’t but pride and integrity used to be something you valued and while you may say you don’t care, you will sooner or later when everything you once valued is destroyed. I told him I definitely did not destroy the letters, told him about her Instagram account and the photo of burning papers in the chimenea November 5th and that I didn’t appreciate him trying to make me think I had gone and hidden them and now couldn’t find them. I said so it was either you or her, he just said “Ok”. And while that hurts, I will just have to get over it, keeping them would only bring me down so either one of them has done me a huge favour in the long run.
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I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion |
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"Thanks for this!" says: |
12-23-2017, 12:06 AM | #3 | ||
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Magnate
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Pam,
Ii is good you got to tell him what you have been thinking. Letting him know, even tho it hurts; he has mistaken you for someone who cares, and that you no longer care. Your self respect and pride in yourself is quite evident. That must have given db "food for thought" about himself. You were given so much advice about the pond. It's amazing those who are able to discuss with so much detail. I hope this has all been helpful. Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: |
12-23-2017, 03:13 AM | #4 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Pam, it is excellent that you has such an honest and direct conversation with DB.
The information about your fish and pond reminds me of an old joke in which a young boy was asked to review a book about penguins. His review was one line; "This book told me more about penguins than I wanted to know.". Seriously, I hope that it will all help you .
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Knowledge is power. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: |
12-23-2017, 03:46 AM | #5 | |||
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Member
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Quote:
Quote:
Sorry for all the info. It's just that it COULD be simple, and I hate people being sold ******** for a lot of their hard earned money. So I have to show my "credentials" in that area before my advice will be accepted. The end result (I hope) is that Pam would still have a nice pond with a few happy goldfish and ZERO maintenance/stress. A guy like me could set it up in 3 hours and be done forever (flight to Oz not included. ) And with a bit of luck the sale from the fish would more than cover the cost of the air pump. And she would save on electricity bill... |
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"Thanks for this!" says: |
12-23-2017, 11:35 AM | #6 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
If I may The things that mean most Your sanity serenity spirit strength space all in your control In your time Not a time for anymore information about the girl His feelings are not yours anymore Cleaning house inside as you handle literally cleaning house on the outside a good thing Only for you and your physical capabilities in the long run cost My point you have decision you make for the better of you It not so quick and easy sometimes But you my dear are doing it You be the only one to call the shots He lost his privileges there Since hearing of you situation Three more stories all identical and two of the three are doing well under such circumstances And to make the decision with children involved Is awesome to see But the one who needs that someone to define herself as a woman is killing herself and hurting herself in addition to pain she is already going through hoping for her choice to remove the pain of infidelity by substance is making things so much worse I fear for her with all my being I just want to shake her Stop using this as an excuse She matters And his hold on her is based on crap Get it Has no substance Yet who the hell sm I to say what one needs But I think you understand my point We We Need to love who we are striving to be And isn’t that the best in all we do So how can one not get that not in our time We are doing all we can not hurting anyone around us by the choices we make And for the others more power to you Heavenly Father never let us down We have it in us As ill as we are We have a brain that is working just great So don’t even try and go there May it be a favor It is still your business You call the shots Empowering That’s what you do Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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12-25-2017, 09:35 PM | #7 | |||
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Senior Member
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Christmas Day been and gone, he visited gave me my gift, played with the pets, took the older dogs for a walk, and spoke again of wanting to try to move forward with counselling. Wants us to buy a new house and start afresh. I listened offering few words. He showed me houses on the internet, has already been looking. My Xmas card “to my wife” made reference to hope we can work things out, mine on the other hand, “to my friend”, hope you find what you wanted in 2018. My gift to him, small but a reminder of his roots and all that he once valued.
I said to him, shave your beard and post a clean shaven photo on FB. You re-grew your beard because she wanted you to (she wanted him to look like her father but he doesn’t get that) and the photo you have is of you with beard and the night of your award. His response was I’m not shaving my beard for anyone. I replied if you want to take steps to repairing our marriage shaving your beard is a very small step, it can be re-grown within a month, our 25 year marriage cannot be repaired in that time. But it’s a step you need to take. And I won’t entertain anything you say until I see evidence you are prepared to offer more than words. Forgive me when I think for your words are meaningless. I reminded him again when he left, shave your beard and I’ll consider counselling. He has expressed his remorse but right now it means nothing. I still care for him and I do wonder if we will sort things out, but if he can’t go through with a small “test” then I don’t need to wonder at all.
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I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Dmom3005 (10-22-2018), eva5667faliure (12-26-2017), ger715 (12-26-2017), kiwi33 (12-26-2017), Wide-O (12-26-2017) |
12-26-2017, 12:16 AM | #8 | ||
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Magnate
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Pam,
It would appear as if you are testing and using the beard as an issue in order to take the first step toward a possible reconciliation. Has he mentioned giving her up before doing any counseling? You are very vulnerable right now; please take your time. Wish all the best for you.. Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | davOD (12-26-2017), Dmom3005 (10-22-2018), eva5667faliure (12-26-2017), kiwi33 (12-26-2017), PamelaJune (12-26-2017), Wide-O (12-26-2017) |
12-26-2017, 02:21 AM | #9 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Pam, I think that Gerry has offered you wise thoughts.
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Knowledge is power. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: |
12-26-2017, 05:31 PM | #10 | |||
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Senior Member
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Only fools rush in, and I am not a fool. As things stand, I can’t see a breakthrough. I’m lonely & scared but those 2 things combined are not going to push me back to a relationship.
I’m mindful though of something I have personally encountered over the years of pain Mgt and psychs and my sister who is a nurse voiced it on Xmas eve, her exact words were psychs just encourage you to leave, they will give you workbooks on how to leave, they don’t give workbooks on how to work to save the relationship. And ironically it’s true. My psych has given me 2 books to “leave” the relationship & I understand db psych has been telling him to leave me for the last 2 years. So in all, perhaps we are neither destined to work it out. I do believe in féte and the inevitable. I can forgive a once in a life time indiscretion, I can’t forgive ongoing lies and deceit.
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I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion |
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"Thanks for this!" says: |
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