Best I can do to explain.....If inclined= If I decide to

Sorry, my bad. I fully realize it may not be clear to all, but I was of course being slightly sarcastic - in a nice way. To be totally clear, I'm 110% supporting having the procedure done, I think it's great news (and very smart too.)

Edit: the word "inclinatie/inclination" exists in both my native languages (Dutch/French) and has the same meaning - it originates from both middle-English and Latin. (and I'm a nerd. )

Ok then, 24hrs later and a very anxious day with my mum having a vertigo attack, me having to walk 2.3km in the heat, a significant breakdown in communication with the consultant I have today woken with a slightly swollen face that I’m told will go down. Apparently it takes 2 weeks to notice the full affect. Yesterday as the skin applied anaesthetic wore off the pain got worse, but I couldn’t take time out to look after me as I had Mum to tend to. Mum had to come first, she’s 86, I couldn’t live with myself otherwise. Anyway, I got her home driving across the city with an ice brick held to my face and slept the night on a frozen wheat pack. I’ve come to the conclusion nothing is ever going to be easy in my life.

But everything happens for a reason, mum having a turn while driving meant the car abandoned, parked in a car park outside a Thai restaurant and I walked to get it late yesterday afternoon after having taken her home and made sure she was ok. Driving her car home I was horrified to feel a judder and hear this terrible clacking noise coming from her front left wheel. As she has only 10% hearing she will not have heard it, but I can’t help but wonder if the juddering triggered her vertigo attack. I’m just glad she’s safe and didn’t have an accident. She was stopped in the middle of the road and 2 young men went to her assistance, pushing her car to the corner and phoning me. My brother thank god here from Queensland will have a look at the car this morning and decide if it’s roadworthy to drive to her home. I’m not confident!!

Post edit; Brother found huge wad of masking tape she had run over, a large bulge of it was hitting the inner rim everyime the wheel rotated, and some of it was free flapping against the car making the clacking sound. I couldn’t get down to the ground to see it after my long walk. So car taken to mums by him & Sil & I’ve asked him to check for the judder I could feel, although that said, the judder may have been the sizeable wad of masking tape. So zero outings for me today other than the pharmacy tonight when it’s cooler. Mum feeling washed out & legs weak but ok. We’ve all told her not to prune the garden anymore, she knows from previous occasions it causes her to have vertigo attacks.

Jeez PamelaJune
Your right
Nothing easy
To know mum is doing well
A weight of them broad shoulders
86
My mom 78
In bad shape
I shed tears if I canÂ’t shake this life of sadness
And to live that long is scary
My angel Eva every morning
Never forgetting
As her eyes open sees me and says with her arms stretched out and says
HUG
you would think that would do it right
ThatÂ’s why I am scared
It overwhelms me the love she exudes
She says she loves my hugs and the way I smell
We are like two peas in a pod
I to am very sensitive to smell
And when there is a soft pleasant smell it comforts me
I give her a wipe every morning when I get her ready with a spray of the smell that comforts her
It is a combination af two smells and have been wearing it for four decades now
Asked always what is it I wear
Tell them itÂ’s made special
She buries her head between my balloons
And holds me tight
You would think that would be enough
I cannot say to live to their age will happen
ItÂ’s just a feeling I have
We shall see
As baby sister lives near the ocean
I plan to spend most the summer down there
I want to push myself into life as I used to enjoy it
My favorite sports to engage in when I was not in this shape was volleyball in the sand with some serious players
My feet
My toes would grip the sand as I would plunge into keeping the ball going
How many times I would surf the sand doing so
Come to think of it what happened to everybody
Here I go
Thinking how much time has passed since I became ill
I will be 57 shortly
I became out of commission at 49
And will never forget
It
Getting up out of bed to take my shower and get ready for work
This feeling of a terrible terrible stiff neck
That turned out to be a crushed disc
And from the very first encounter with the hospital and the staff to date was there only one woman out of all of my entire experience
ONE WOMAN
who turned out to be a nurses aid I will never forget
Anindian woman with a difficult name to pronounce
So she has people call her Rodger
Who asked me to trust her as I was hung over that god awful uncomfortable hospital bed
Could not keep anything down as they are now pumping me up with mophine allergic dalaudid again allergic this was the start of my medicine nightmares began
And oh how horrible it is to have to take the medication I do now
My mom not well
With my genetic history
All I need to do is look at her
And I havenÂ’t seen her in many years
My baby sister is the only one of us three who is still in her life

Back to you
Hope it is something to lift your spirit
As you already are beautiful
Take care
Hoping your body gives you a break
And for mind
May it be calm as we try to figure out what to do next
With love and hugs
Me

I hadn't made the connection, but yeah, the wobble could well have induced the vertigo attack.

Nope, nothing is ever easy LOL. But, that makes it worth it even more when something does finally work out OK.

And in a few months you will look back and realize you are already finding more Pam-pieces than you actually realize at this point.

Hope the pain is at least mostly gone now?

Pain gone, just feels a little tender. Will be interesting to see what happens over the next 2 weeks. She has booked me in for a follow up consult on the 12th, it is where they tweak what has taken in the 2 weeks. I won’t be having any tweaking to my cheeks I can tell you. The forehead and crows feet no problem, she can tweak away.

DB rang about money, in the conversation I told him about the daily phone calls in the afternoon and the emails I receive** I said if she continues I will report her to the police. He said “How do I know it’s her” I said google it, you will see it brings up her name. So to make sure he knows, I took a screenshot of it clearly showing her name, circled it in red and sent it to him. Told him I am scared of her and I’ve had enough. I said I have left you and her in peace. I asked does she know you’re talkings about starting afresh with me, he said she knows we’re talking, I said does she know you are looking at houses, he said no and I said are you sure she doesn’t know? The phone calls & emails started after you spoke about getting a new house and starting afresh. He got all huffy, I said I can’t help it if you have got yourself into a precarious position with a psychopath, only you can extricate yourself from it. But I’m telling you, any more emails or calls and I will involve the police. No hesitation.

I thought when she lived here it was bad enough with the daily drama, now I’m on tenterhooks and she isn’t even here. I well remember sitting here one day thinking I wish she was gone, I could feel her looking at me, I remember thinking I will go to hell thinking bad thoughts about this girl, but so help me I wish she wasn’t here. Now here I am a few months later and she is gone, my life turned upside down yet she remains a spectre in my home. It’s like living in a nightmare.