I’m not sure work wise Gerry, apparently I’m doing a good job and they want me to stay on, I just deal with one day at a time, it’s impossible to plan with so much happening in the organisation.

DB, last month I told him it was over, finito, finished and cut all contact. My actions must have scared him into facing reality.

He has moved home this weekend and i have agreed we will go to counselling. Time will tell. I didn’t want him to move back home, and repeatedly told him to stay where he was but as I have found out, I couldn’t prevent it. He is in a very dark unreadable place, suicide is a reality and life remains difficult.

I must be an unusual person, moving back here, all that he bought has come with him, seeing the things he bought to set up home has really revealed to me how manic he was in his behaviour. I can see he had hopes and dreams for a different life and I can find it in my heart to feel sad for him those dreams were unreachable.

I can’t shake the feeling his moving back here is for him to get his life back on track. From the day he left and said he wanted a break, he’s not gone a single day without attempting to contact me. Perhaps he sees me as his lifeline, but one thing I do know, and I’ve made it clear. I am not the woman I was. If he wants to live here, he has to live with who I am now. If he can’t deal with that, tough luck. his actions helped me find me again.