It’s so much worse than we were led to believe. DB down at his house again tonight, he stayed there Sunday night but here at BIL last night and dad spent the night out roaming goodness knows where, the state of his clothes, he’s fallen, he’s been in mud up to his knees, cuts all over his arms and one leg (amputee 25 yrs ago) we took him to the GP this afternoon and back for bloods in the AM. I’ve made an appt to try to get him on the transfer list to move, and he wants to move. SIL in riot mode over it, making it all about her...yet where is she when he’s out wandering, passed out without a care. BIL on the verge of a breakdown, took yesterday and today off, wages he sorely needs. It’s a sad and sorry mess. I checked his bed, he hadn’t even been in it. We’ve thrown his shoes and shirt out, the trousers will be salvageable after a wash but so much mud, he must’ve been in the creek somewhere...all he can say is he hopes he’s not in trouble or hurt anyone - so sad.

Pam,
I didn't realize your father in law live alone. If so; it appears he might need to move to a care facility. If SIL is so concerned about a move, maybe she would like him to move in with her. Situation with SIL does not sound good.
Very sad.

Gerry


Gerry

We are home, the last 4 weeks are up there with the worst I’ve had in my lifetime. His dementia is rapid and it’s unlikley he will know who we are when there again.

We’ve accomplished quite a lot in the 4 weeks, things the 3 siblings over there should have been able to do but hadn’t. Got him a new landline phone, one with photos so he just pushes the photo and it calls who he wants (8) photos incl emergency and doctors, it’s working well and joyfully he can clearly hear who he is speaking with. Got a framed clock that displays the day, date and time and an alarm sounds at prescribed times and anounces clearly it’s time to take your tablets, have a drink of water, eat breakfast, lunch, dinner etc, the nurse is coming today, it’s time to go to bed, whatever you schedule it to say really. (A fabulous idea btw if you know anyone who is heading down the dementia path). We got him registered on the list to move to a gated complex and it’s likley to happen within the next 8 weeks - bonus it’s 200 meters from BIL house. In the meantime we put monitored alarms for the 2 doors so if he goes out the front or back door anytime after 9.30pm it automatically rings BIL mobile phone and if no response it will keep ringing other listed numbers. Arranged and registered lasting power of attorney for finance & health - BIL. Arranged for the district nurse to attend once a week, got the social worker in and organised a care package that will have someone come for lunch time food prep and meds, dinner food prep and meds and 9pm meds and promt him to get ready for bed. He remains extremely vulnerable but BIL has woken up to how bad he is. We stayed at dads the last 2 weeks and last week at 2am I got up to find him dressed and ready to go out, it took me 30minutes to convince him it’s the middle of the night and he needs to go back to bed. He’d made his bed and all, so it’s possibke the same thing had happened the 2 weeks prior. I don’t think I’ve ever in my lifetime had to hang a prosthetic limb on the clothes line to dry out after his last overnight venture. It took days to dry out - lucky we had hot weather. And where was SIL while all this happened - at her home complaining we were ignoring her. No we were not, she was told daily what was happening but she is all about her and insistent there is nothing wrong with her father. I can’t be bothered to put the things on here she has done, suffice to say cruel and nasty and on a daily basis. So much so I thought the old man was suffering a stroke one day she had upset him so. I feel for my BIL he acknowledged he thought he could cope until he realised he couldn’t, and that was before dad went walk about. I can only hope and pray this move to the sheltered home in a gated complex will suffice. The new place has all that we have put in place, plus a GP next door, pharmacy on site, warden and nursing on site and the gates are locked at night. And it has an alarm indoors so if anything happens he can contact the staff, oh and we arranged a wristlet that is a GPS alert and fall alarm.

Pam, I think that you did a great job are organising everything (we had to do something similar for my MIL though there was no family aggro).

Now you are back you might have a fair bit to process. Please remember that looking after yourself first is not a selfish thing to do.

Indeed, I’m back at work already quite jet lagged but determined to tend to my own needs before any others.

My much loved cousin passed away Wednesday 15, 64 yrs of age and retired only 6 weeks ago. His last moments on this earth were sat on his surf board, his last words were I’m ok, just tired, very tired, I’ll make my way in shore in a moment, you take this break; he said this to a stranger who worriedly asked him if he was ok. She took the break and returned only to find him face down in the water. Many surfers rallied round and tried CPR without success. They got him to shore. To say I am in shock after this last dreadful 4 weeks is inadequate. My heart breaks for my family, I feel for this poor woman and other surfers who tried to assist him. They could do no more than what they did. A reminder, live for the moment, tomorrow may never come.

Pam, words are inadequate but I just want to say that I am desperately sorry for both you and your cousin.

As ever, my thoughts are with you.