Hey everyone,


So this is my first time here and I don't really know where to start except for here. All I know is that I need some type of help before I explode.

I'm 23 and living with my parents still and it has been the most stressful time of my life. I feel like my parents are trying to secretly sabotage my life and have been for years.

I grew up last born out of 7 children and I get treated very differently due to my personality. I struggle with bipolar disorder and I get stressed/anxious easily when inconvenient things in life happen to me. I feel like my mentality has conditioned me to do this throughout the years. When I was young my parents decided to homeschool me without even asking me. They just took me out of school in 6th grade and acted as if I was being homeschooled but never bought me a curriculum until it was supposed to be my freshmen year. Once I turned 14 my father bought me books from a homeschooling system and started teaching me for a little bit. And then within a year, he slowly started to give up on teaching and told me that I have to teach myself pretty much. After Sophmore year, he stopped buying books again and took me out of homeschooling.

Then at about 16 or 17, I started working at Taco Bell, and started going to GED classes for myself. I was tired of feeling stupid while all of my other friends graduated and I was stuck at home feeling hopeless. I passed the GED test and wanted to start college and my dad acted like my passing my test had to do with him, acting as if he was a great parent at teaching and conditioning me to be smart. Clearly it wasn't because he neglected me for years while living in the same house. Once I started community college, I was nervous and embarrassed because I didn't understand anything really. They started me at a low level because my counselor didn't want to rush me into any difficult college classes. I continued on for the year and didn't do too bad but still felt dumb since I didn't know specific Algebra.

After the year, I had quit because I didn't have any money to pay for classes and my dad wouldn't help me. Now turning 21 my dad and mom just saw me as a disappointment, saying that I never wanted to go to school and be successful and all this other negative stuff, when the original root of the problem was them sabotaging me when I was young. I hated myself and dealt with depression ever since I wasn't consistently in school learning like I was supposed to. My parents also have bad luck with finances. They are the world's best procrastinators which has made me one as well. Good conditioning, right? Every year we would end up without any power or with no car or anything. And I would be stuck having to miss a week or so of work or not being able to be picked up from work, or to wasting money on catching a taxi home. They never taught me how to budget, or how to obtain a good credit score.

I would just feel confused and stupid as an adult. Now I'm 23 years old, back at home living with them and I've never been more stressed having to deal with 2 difficult human beings. I had multiple good jobs in and out but quit due to depression, and last year I bartended to save money so I got a car so I can go back to school and try harder. At the end of the year, I became pregnant. I'm due in July 2018, and my parents condemn me for it. They think I purposely want this. They're upset about me being a single mom without a degree. I am choosing to put it up for adoption because I've never wanted to be a mother. The only thing is, they don't know about it
I was recently in a car accident a month ago which ended my car to it being a total loss.

Good thing was I have insurance and they're supposed to be sending me a check to get a newer car. The bad thing is, I never really had the help or understanding of purchasing or financing a vehicle. My fault because I hadn't registered the car in my name and now my insurance check is on hold and I have no car and my bank is negative due to having to get a rental car until I get my paycheck from work. I ended up living paycheck to paycheck just like mom and dad. They don't have anything in case of an emergency. Nothing. They also didn't tell me that we no longer have health insurance so I have to apply for my own before I give birth.

Everything keeps piling up one thing after another. And I'm so stressed. Everytime I get something important in the mail, they open it, assuming that it's okay to do that. I hate it. I want to disappear for a while and move away from them. But my credit is so horrible and I'm negative in my account that I just want to officially give up. I dont know how I'm going to get to work anymore, because I can't afford this rental, I'm due to have this baby soon, and I just hide out in my room and I have been for the whple pregnancy. I don't like being around my family, they're bad luck and bad energy. I'm just really tired and feel like I'll never get out of this whole.

Please send help.

Hi skay1995

Welcome to NeuroTalk .

You surely have a lot of things to deal with.

This is just a thought but it might help if you made a list of things to do, perhaps starting with relatively straight-forward ones. Dealing with them could add to your confidence; that might help you to work on harder things.

All the best .

Hi Skay, just a thought, you could try The Salvation Army, I know a lot of people don’t think to go to them, but they truly are willing to help those that ask.