My sister-in-law is the same way,there's 5 brothers and sisters in her family
there all this way as mom and Dad. We are in our 60's I'm just don't
know what's wrong with that family. My brother is on the shy side and the only one who keep a eye out for her folks. He's the one who went from Mi.
to florada because he knew in his her her mother had a stroke,she did..Well
we all have known each other since we were five and 6,Do they need help
yes will any get it no. She your relative just does not like your family,you sound to nice not to just ignore..Love those who get help if needed,or takes to much energy to love someone who can;t love back,i''m sorry. Sue

There was a coldness of heart involved though that freaked me out,and is continuing to bother me deeply.

She turned on me in the mid seventies though when I came to the church that she was going to,and she snapped at me,and I left. I never forgot it,but she has no memory of it now. It was a major event to me,and I remember going to my apartment,and cried,and sobbed.

I was having extreme emotional pain at that point,and I didn't need that. Soon after that I had my first stay in a mental hospital. I went voluntarily,because I was breaking down.

This is what no one understands in my family. I didn't pick this emotional disorder. I don't want it,and it is not what defines me. It is to my family though. They can't look beyond my illness,and see the good,or see me.There I am. I'm not the illness. I'm a problem to them,and not a beloved family member.

Thank you for the input. I'm thinking about it all from all angles that I can ,and I'm thinking about other people's ideas. Please keep sharing your ideas.

I did mention to her that her anger is somewhat like dad's,and she said never associate me with Dad,and never say anything like that again. She resented what I said. She doesn't seem to forgive,and let go. She seems to resent,and hold on to,and collect things she has against me.

Recently she has gotten a little better,but I know that something is different. It just hurts,and hurts right now. I'm hanging in there,but my life is now shutting,as I cannot focus on good things,and I don't feel good about anything. It's hard to explain. I'm so tired of about forty years of emotional disturbances,and it just transforms over the years. Then people never understand,and keep jumping to conclusions. I see them missing whats really going on. Some times I get attacked by people,and this is terribly painful to the point that is hard to explain.

You all have been very nice to me,and have accepted me. Thanks' Brokenfriend

Thanks Sue for your input. I understand. Brokenfriend

Brokenfriend,

It's a fact of life that when we are not feeling a hundred percent, the best people to help us is our family. But if the person you turn to just makes you feel worse, as difficult as it may be, it's maybe time to try to find out what you can do for yourself. If people keep letting us down, then it’s time for us to ask ourselves if we might be asking too much of them.

Read up on your 'disorder' create coping tool, these are a lot easier to create and use when you don't have to keep explaining yourself to someone, especially someone who appears to not really care about how difficult things are for you. The only thing to do in a situation like that is to take control of it yourself. It won't be easy and it won't just come good overnight. It'll take some work but you will feel the benefits if you stick with it. Who knows, you might even be able to heal the relationship between you and your sister.

Thank you. I'm unable to fight my illness by myself over a extended period of time. What I do have are hundreds of verses from the Bible to rely on. If I never had this illness in the first place,I probably would never have found Faith in the Lord. Is bad is this condition is,I have received a blessing. BF

I plan on giving my sister plenty of space. I know that she is ill with MS,and I'm going to look up "Emotional lability". That might be the problem. We got along well in the beginning,but slowly she turned each thing off that I had to offer,and that hurt me. That's all I know. I ended up defending myself. The same thing happened to me at the Supermarket. The Boss was hostil toward most everyone,and I was the one who she came to in secret,to do things for her that the other people wouldn't do. I did those things,and felt honored that she knew that I was reliable. I worked for my boss for 14 years in a Supermarket. It took a toll on me after awhile. Things never went smoothly.

As far as my sister,and I,maybe it's all my fault,or my fault because I defended myself,and she has Emotional Lability. I don't know. She tried to fix me. She said she wants to fix. She didn't understand the problem,and I defended myself. Maybe I should have been mature enough to receive what she was trying to do,but I was hurting,and tried to give her understanding,and tried to teach her a few fundimentals on my condition. That didn't help,she thought that I was lecturing her. I wasn't,but thats how she took it. BF

Oh my God, I am not alone and I have been living with a person like your Sister for 21 yrs. My partner, always angry, I am always wrong, from the time I get up to the time I go to Bed, nothing I do is ever right. he even tells me how to do my Job, go figure. he has the answers to everyhting. My friends wonder how I do it. They say they are friends not for his sake but or me. I keep saying to myself, he is sick, he will not get help, tried, that total dneila, Docotr, is wrong, when he is tired of one Docotr, then he goes to another, they are all worng, the whole world is wrong except him..... He is the only person I know who can get up in total anger for noreason.. If I get toom uch attention, well it is cause I am flirting, If I am quiet, then Im am anti-social. Very jealous, very insecure, mad at the world. Changes his mind constantly. I always say to him If life is so Bad with me then just go,, but he never does. I have actually learned to tune him out.. Why do I stay, people ask me, not sure, I used to love him a lot, tooo much at stake, we have a business together, just not fed up enough. I have learned to just tune him out. Plus I always say, what goes around comes around and I really believe that.
Thnaks for sharing, nice to know I amn ot alone. Hey this your Sister, try the ignore approach, maybe she will see a new, different you. My partner knows what I am dojng and it drives him crazy now when he does not get me upset, I just walk away.
People will say, many things, but I believe do bnot judge unless you are in the same situation, courage my friend and remember there are always people worse off than you and I right now. It still hurts, after all we are only human, just try and focus more on you. That is what I do. Also freinds are a great support.
TTFN
Froggy

No one can really say what is going on. Do you think your sister is concerned about her temperment? Has it affected other aspects of her life? Certainly, if she is unkind towards you, you have a choice to not let it "bug" you and to limit your interactions with her. It does sound like she has some possible issues with depression, but only she can make the personal decision to get help for herself. You can make a personal decision to understand that she is hurting, not react to this by letting it "bug" you . You can limit time with her to protect yourself. After all, it does you and your family no good to be in a state of turmoil nor does it help your sister if your interactions with her cause you to feel crummy. Perhaps/consider if given the opportunity only, suggesting that your sister speak with her doctor if she is under too much stress and again...carefully pick the times that you will interact with her so that it will more likely be a positive experience.

Here is a website that offers many descriptions and articles:
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php

I totally empathize with both of you. My Dad has terrorized all of us my whole life. His whole family is nasty, cold, judgmental etc. Don't know why. Interestingly his father had something that they called MS at the time b/c they didn't know what it was- it was the garbage dump diagnosis of the day. We missed our chance to know for sure when he died b/c they all finally agreed on something- they didn't want an autopsy! All 3 of them have alienated everyone they come in contact with. It's a total disaster that has left me extended familyless. It's sad but necessary. I just cannot let their problems weigh me down and keep me from living the life I am entitled to. That being said, when it's your nuclear family it hurts that much more. Not being able to be close to my Dad hurts both of us. He is a major control freak in the same way you both described. Half the time he is angry, half the time in despair with brief interludes of extreme euphoria. We thought for a long time he must be bipolar but we'll never know b/c he'll never admit that there is anything wrong with him and seek help. Actually recently he has started alluding to am awareness that maybe something is wrong with him, but I have strong doubts he'll ever seek a doctor's help or if he did that he'd stick with it. He's been to family and couples counselling a few times and every time there is something wrong with the counsellor and they are wrong or don't know what they're talking about or SOMETHING. Consequently, our family time is very structured and minimal. We stay away from topics that are triggers (making conversation difficult for lack of topics lol) and try to keep the power situation equal- I always have a way to leave and am never dependent on him for transportation. Through my trial with having a mystery illness this year, I have had to balance keeping him informed and feeling like he's a part of what's going on without allowing him to destroy the healing process. He HAD to come to talk to my GP when we were deciding on surgery. I didn't mind that he wanted to talk to the Dr but when we got there he was all wound up. He brought in his father's illness ( which could have been relavent) but could not express it coherently. After listening to him ramble for 10 minutes without making any sense the Dr politely interrupted and steered the conversation back to the potential surgery. He felt blown off. In his mind, she was afraid of listening to him or too lazy or whatever. He has no idea that he wasn't making sense. Now he has a chip on his shoulder regarding this doctor who is very good and listens to me and doesn't rush me and truly cares- more than I can say for some others. Sigh... Sorry this ended up so long. As you know it's a complicated issue. You are NOT alone. PM me if you need to talk more about it.

DL

Thank you Froggy,Vowel Lady,and dizzie lizzy. I have backed away from her,and have created space between us,and she has done the same thing. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not the only one.

My Dad has now started being irrational,and I find this to be very unexpected. He was a alcoholic,and hurt me allot when I was growing up. Then we became friends,but recently he doesn't want to see me.

I think that my sister has created a wedge between me,and my dad. I just don't know. He's very explosive like he was when he was a alcoholic. I've been very depressed about this. I haven't called him back.

I remember when he got like this when I was a teenager,and there is no use to try to reason with him. He diverted everything that was said,and threw insults,created guilt trips,exploded with damaging talk. I totally backed away immediately. There is no use to talk to him when he's like that.

I am trying to realize that these things aren't my fault. It feels so bad though. They are controlling personalities. I hope Dad,and I make peace again before her dies. He's 88,and I just want my Dad to know that I love him,but he's changed. Mom died last year. I just don't understand why the family is breaking apart. Why is this happening? I just don't know. I had prayed so much in the past. It's like the love has disappeared. I'm alone.

Thank you for the kind words,and letting me talk about these things. God bless you all. BF