[jackie66]

I am 73 years young, I have lived a life full of trauma, yet I am not depressed------ Consider.

May 1941. I lived in liverpool. A landmine dropped by parachute from a german bomber exploded 25 yards away from the bomb shelter. I remember hearing the detonator crack... and the pain from the blast pressure. Next day taken to safe area and "dumped" with other evacuees.

4 years living with foster parents--I think the bombs were less hazardous than those people.

June 1944. My 32 year old father was killed when part of a camera team during the D Day landings on Sword beach Normandy.

On returning to Liverpool - My mother was either at work or in the pub - On the 6th June 1944 I had become surplus to requirements. Deliberate depravation without making it obvious to others.

!949 First visits to Hospital where, Mother, suffering from Munchausens syndrome by proxy convinced Doctors that I was taking fits. The start of 45 years of medical mistreatment mainly with barbiturates.

1960 Although Doctors trying to diagnose my condition, my mother's lies put them entirely on the wrong track, so they went up the mental illness/depression route.

from that point, no Doctor ever listened to anything I said, giving more and more drugs. I started losing feelings in my back muscles, Doctors say it is all in the mind-- keep taking the pills (even though I couldnt stop).

1990 Doctors withdraw all drugs abruptly-- hell on earth followed --I convulsed so hard that I broke my back-

1992 recovered sufficiently to begin studying Neurotoxicology to determine why I was so ill. The more I studied the more I realized that not one single Doctor knew precisely what he was doing.

1995 Self diagnosis revealed that my cerebellum and brainstem had been damaged by all those years of unnecessary drugs. ( a recent 3T MRI scan has confirmed that I was correct). My right neck shoulder and face a paralysed. All my dorsal muscles are paralysed. All my lumbar muscles are paralysed. my buttock muscles are all paralysed. My own regime of exercising has enhanced my calf muscles, my front thigh muscles, my abdominal muscles, and my chest muscles. I now use these muscles for my mobility.


How have I stayed sane after all this? -- Well, I knew I was gender (not sexual) dysphoric, so I allowed this to come to the fore to cover my mental distress. I became more and more interested in my feminine side, eventually allowing it to be my main train of thought. At the same time, since female clothing does not fit males, I studied what I thought was dressmaking. Unwittingly, I had taught myself couture. I have kept this side going and can now design and make any garment from just a sketch. I set up a flickr site to record all my work, as well as my PC. I now have a worldwide following, Many from the U S. I have concentrated on the styles of the 1950's and the 1850's.
I am wheelchair bound and cannot use a machine for other than overlocking, so all my work is handsewn.

I do occasionally meet religeous types who consider crossdressing to be a sin. Perhaps these good people could tell me how else I would have survived and stayed sane.

I now take no drugs of any kind and avoid alcohol

[billie]

Jackie, you are the epitomy of strength and endurance. I wish I had one one thousandth of your virtue in making it despite all odds. Thank You for your message of hope. I would like to be your friend! I am computer illerate and don't know how to make this request formally. billie

[jackie66]

Originally Posted by billie

Jackie, you are the epitomy of strength and endurance. I wish I had one one thousandth of your virtue in making it despite all odds. Thank You for your message of hope. I would like to be your friend! I am computer illerate and don't know how to make this request formally. billie

Hi Billie. You are PC literate enough to join in this site, so perhaps you would like to use e-mail to start. Try sending a mail to; jackie66tv@gmail.com and see what happens. If I CAN help then I WILL help.

[michael178]

Was there a question in your narrative?
You suffered and now apparently are thriving. Congratulations.