My stepfather, whom I see only 1-2 times a year, has invited us to Thanksgiving dinner. I'm not even sure my DH will agree to go, but presuming he does . . .

My stepfather is just not the most careful person in the world. He's notorious for humongous messes and I would be ever so worried about gluten contamination. However, he says "I am researching gluten sensitivity since i cook fora number of people who are afflicted". So, I could give him links and suggestions, I think. (Actually, I suspect he would greatly benefit from a GF diet, but doubt he'd consider it.)

But I honestly don't know that I could be comfortable eating what he's cooked. Part of that is my own control issues and part is just knowing him.

Ack ack ack.

Rachel

Rachel,
I am in a similar situation with my in-laws. We are going there the day after Thanksgiving. They are sincere in their efforts but really don't "get it". The last time my MIL made gf macaroni and cheese she used rice noodles but then said she got mixed up and added "only" a couple of teaspoons of wheat flour to the entire pan.
My son and I have a lot of delayed food allergies in addition to gluten so it will be a tough dinner for them to prepare. I can already see butter on the plain vegetables. I plan to coordinate with them and bring along a couple of dishes to share (although this is the day after I serve Thanksgiving dinner to my family).

--Judy

This is such a tough one . First, if you take the 'food issues' out of the equation, would you want to spend Thanksgiving there? If yes, then I'd lean toward saying 'go for it'. How many people is he inviting? Could you have them at your house?

If he is saying~ "I am researching gluten sensitivity since i cook for a number of people who are afflicted", it shows he really wants to make the effort to include you.

If you decide to risk it.... I would definitely plan on offering to take a few dishes along. Let him know how much you appreciate his willingness to accomodate you, and let him know you'd like to be part of the menu planning, double check ingredients, etc. You might suggest some low risk items, like steamed brocolli. Once you find out what is on the menu, you can offer to bring along the things you'd worry about most.... say a green bean casserole dish~ or dessert~ or gluten free dinner rolls.

I'm just happy to be having our annual Turkey fry here, again, so I don't have to worry about it. Looks like we will spend all day frying Turkeys, as both my daughter and son want to do an 'extra' one to take back home.

Cara

Could you actually help him prepare the meal? Then you could correct any mistakes! If not, I'd definitely take some dishes.

I think I'm going to have a similar dilemma this year. My sister will probably want to host Thanksgiving and when we tried this last year, she had nothing I could eat, so she offered me a hot dog. So I think I'll stay home this year and cook for myself and my Mom.

Yikes! She definitely doesn't get it, then!

Rachel

LOL! Actually, Cara, I'm not sure I want to spend Thanksgiving there. The draw is that my stepcousin and his wife whom we haven't seen in 10 or more years would be there. No they can't come to our house--my stepfather lives 3+ hours north of me and stepcousin and his wife now life a couple of hours north of stepfather.

I have no doubt he truly wants to make an effort. And I am touched by this. But his history is that he bumbles things, so I can totally see him doing what Judy's MIL did--make mac and cheese with rice noodles and then thicken the sauce with regular flour. And not even realize he'd done it. Oh and not to mention that historically he plans a meal for noon, say, and then we eat at 3. LOL.

Sigh. Yes, if we decide to go, I'll definitely have to help plan.

Why don't you fry an extra Turkey and send it our way??? :-)

Rachel

I could help him prepare the meal somewhat, Nancy. I'm sure I can consult on the menu, too. However, it's just occurred to me that part of the issue will simply be his cookware and his whole cooking area. He's not the cleanest person on earth, for one thing.

Ack. It makes me crazy just to think about it.

Rachel

Wow, I am really lucky to be going to my gluten-free sister's house for Thanksgiving this year.

-Valerie

Rachel, you're definitely between a rock and a hard place.

If you want to protect yourself, he may feel insulted. If you make him feel good, by trusting him, you could suffer badly, from his (unintentional) carelessness.

What about telling him straight out, that in order for you to come, that you would have to bring your own cookware, and your own g-f ingredients, your own paper tablecloths, your own silverware, etc., &/or, you would have to bring already prepared dishes, etc.

Or, could you tell him that this time, you want to bring your own safe food (pre-cooked, etc.), but, that sometime you'd be happy to show him how you make gluten-free dishes, and how you really have to have a totally gluten-free home, in order to stay well.

Can you ask him to try to go totally gluten-free for a month?

This is a tough one! No easy answers I think. Good luck!

Or, another idea I just thought of: Can you invite him and the others to eat at a gluten-free restaurant, (if there are any in your area) instead of cooking in?

Carol
http://cantbreathesuspectvcd.com

I would suggest bringing your own prepared food on a microwave safe plate with lid (tupperware was great for that kind of thing).
As for explanation - I would simply say "you don't need to worry about me, I'll bring my own meal. I prefer to do it that way, thanks." I do this for my ds2, "don't worry about ds2, we'll bring what he needs to eat". And no one has ever taken offense to it. I also do not expect anyone to 'get it' or to bend over backwards in an attempt, I'd rather not risk his health.
Or you could eat at the house before your leave and then nibble on a couple of "safe" foods at the table, if you know that there will be something. I can see in certain households salad and veggies could be messed up instantly and they serve them glutened all the time so have no idea not to do it.