As parents of young children with Celiac disease or other intollerance, it is easy to be firm about controlling what they eat. But at what age do you have to let them decide? And if they want to "test" the foods that make them sick, do you "let" them, or do you stand firm with that "control". What keeps this from turning into a huge control issue when they are teens/preteens?

I trust Bean 99% to make the right choices, but I can't help but to wonder where those lines are. For example, if she wants to try to eat gluten, and I know that gluten will make her neurologically and physcially ill, I would be a neglectful mother to let her do so. But if I don't ever let her try gluten, will she sneak it, hide it, go behind my back to test these things out on her own? Would it be better if I left it open from the get go (well not from infancy, but you know what I mean).

This is not an issue we are dealing with at all, but just one I am curious about. I know some of you have older children and you may have more experience here. If you have had trouble with your kids (older kids) sticking to their diets, what has helped? Do they just get tired of being sick? I know we all have a degree of what we will tollerate. For example,I may splurge on a piece of lemon pound cake while on vacation, even though I know it will likely make me sick. I weigh out the time spent ill vs enjoyment factor, and as an adult, I can make that choice, but what about children?

And do these rules apply in the same strength for Celiac vs Gluten Intollerant?

What is bringing this all up is a friend's daughter who is sneaking some foods she shouldn't be eating and the questions on how to deal with that. And it has me questioning if how we deal with gluten in general is the best approach or if there is room for improvement?

I started when they were about 5. I risk saying that as I may end up eating my hat in the near future... but they do very well with it... gluten... that is.

I've always said to them, "It's your body and you've got to take care of it."

Candy is harder for them. They will refuse candy that they are not sure about when it comes to gluten but if it is a gf candy like skittles or an areo bar (even though it has dairy) it is too hard for them to refuse.

This year I've got a little bit tougher about it as the errors over the years have made it quite clear which reactions are related to which foods. We do very little refined sugar as we find that it affects behaviour and quibbling becomes apparent very quickly. So the deal is that if they have some, they can't make me regret it or the next time the answer will be negative. There have been times I've had to follow up on it and I feel badly - I don't know why though because it's really not hurting them when I say, "Gee too bad you can't have this treat today because last week there was too much trouble."

When they were younger, it was harder to stick to my guns about those things though... As they get older, it gets easier because I know that they have more control of themselves and can 'choose' their behaviour more.

For example, dd is now 9 and a couple of weeks ago I caught her teasing her 7 yob, "Friday I'm getting candy and you're getting none and I'm not sharing mine with you." I overheard it and told her she just lost her Friday candy. I thought I would feel badly about it when Friday came around but I didn't because she's 9, I guess.

Also, I no longer tolerate outbursts as a result of diet issues. If they're not feeling up to par or socializing well, then they are to remove themselves and go to play/do schoolwork quietly on their own. It is not acceptable for them to aggravate eachother and disrupt the whole household as would happen when they were younger and we were newer to the diet (still isolating which foods were causing which issues).

So I guess, my final answer is that it evolves with age. If they were mentally challenged my answer might be different though.

I've heard this letting go of/taking on of responsibility compared to letting go of a compressed spring. If you let go of it suddenly, the spring will fly out of your hand in any direction. That would be rather like the situation you would have if you wait until your kids are grown, ready to make their own decisions on their own. But if you release the tension on the spring very, very slowly, it will just lay there in your hand at the end. So try letting go of a little responsibility by sharing it, maybe. Say, "If you think you 've maybe outgrown your gluten sensitivity, or you think it won't bother you as much now, don't try it on your own, or sneak it. Come to me, and we'll try it together." And then let her try a little, and the two of you together monitor whatever reactions she gets to it, so that you can help her come to the right decision, that it just wasn't worth it.
Mind you, I've never had a child with any kind of food sensitivity, so feel free to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about!
Hugs, and sympathies,

It was when my boy was 10 that he said "Mummy, our gluten problem affects the whole familly, you do not have the right to cheat because we all suffer"

Two years later, I need to let them take some responsibility in making their decisions '12 and 14' but it is socially so difficult. Sick and suffering, or sorry and silly. Grow up France!!!!!!!

What worries me is that the cause and effect is not always obvious. In my case, the fatigue builds up over time. In my son's case, first the tummy aches, then the behavior issues built up over time. I've also read (and don't even know if this is true) that teens often experience a "relaxing" of GI symptoms for a period of years which can make them believe that they can eat gluten. I don't know the answer, but we keep a GF/vegan house and always take snacks with us. This is life as we know it, and my 7yo has yet to question it. We talk about putting healthy foods in our bodies and not eating foods that make us feel bad. We haven't experienced any "fitting in" issues yet (except for dh and me - LOL). I too am interested in hearing from folks with older children that were raised GF...

Beth is 10 and has be GF for 2 years. Samantha is 6 1/2 and has been GF since 2 1/2. Samantha used to be easy. If I did not give it to her, she would not eat it. She had not had most of what others were eating anyway since we were organic eaters before. So, she had never had Oreos, rice crispies, etc. Lately, it is harder. She wants more to be like her friends. This is odd for her. She usually does not want to fit in. I think there is the influence of one friend that I may request she be separated from next school year. Plus, since being GF for so long, her symptoms are virtually none at this point with little exposures. She was getting a DH like rash on her face but that has stopped.

Beth is harder. She was in school when she went GF and her symptoms are neurological. She knows what she is missing and doesn't mind being b*tchy to us. She claims she feels ok. So, she cheats some.

I am having to have them more reponsible for themselves before I am ready. I work fulltime and due to the B12 thing I am still working on, I am exhausted all the time. And, unfortunately, some of the people who are "helping" me out, seem to think cheating sometimes is OK. (I am dreading my talk with my mom today - YooHoos and cookies for snack yesterday, not GF cookies.) So, now I am coaching the girls to not only ask if it is GF, but can they read the ingredients or have them read to them (Samantha does not read yet.) Someone assumed corn crackers at Panera were Ok since they were corn.

Sorry, I am trying not to rant. But, because of my less than perfect health right now and the fact that I cannot possibly control their diets like I used to, the girls are having to step up to the plate. It is not going as well as I would like it to. Both girls want to cheat sometimes. I am trying to point out that more than likely, I feel like I do because of gluten and dairy. They are getting it. Now to make caregivers Get IT!

Michelle

We learned when my younger son was about 1 year old that he was severely allergic to peanuts. It was hard letting him go on play dates and he learned to always take his epipen with him. He did have a few unexpected exposures to peanuts and he actually became afraid to eat a snack at school. When we learned he had to be gluten free (he was 7) he was able to relax a bit because many of the foods that "may contain peanuts" were now off limits anyway. He learned to bring his food everywhere. He just turned 12 and in the past year we have learned he has delayed food allergies to dairy, soy, legumes, citrus and eggs. He can still spend a day out and about with his friends and fend for himself. He was thrilled a few years ago when he realized he could buy just one apple at the grocery store. He may end up eating salad, fruit, chips and some candy if he buys his lunch but he is very educated for a young kid. We sometimes laugh about the comments/questions others ask with regard to food. He has heard things like "Oh this does not have wheat--it is only flour".

My 15 year old daughter has been gluten free for 3 years and is in many more social situations where she has to make decisions regarding food. She plays a sport every season in high school and the girls always have team dinners the night before a game. We rotate houses for hosting the dinners so I always send out an e-mail at the beginning of the season telling the parents that she can not eat gluten and that it would be nice if they could have fruit and or a salad without crutons so she can eat something along with her team mates. Sometimes she comes home starving from these dinners and other times the parent has prepared something she can have. Then of course there are times she has made the wrong choice. One night she said she had salad and meatballs. I said that meatballs were not gluten free and she said "but we eat them at home". I explained that I make them from scratch using crushed cornchips or cereal as a filler. Another time a parent made soup and bread. One loaf of bread was gluten free but there was a mix-up and my daughter ate the wrong bread. Two days after both of these incidents my daugter was very fatigued (as in can barely get up off of the floor fatigued) and extremely thirsty. She is just beginning to see a cause and effect. We will probably do a gluten challenge on her this summer but I doubt that she will put herself through it after a couple of days.

I think that both of my GF kids have friends that would also watch out for them. I do not think that they would be tempted to sneak a gluten food on purpose. It is nice to see my daughter and some of her friends cooking some GF brownies or making sushi together. As kids get older some decide to become vegitarians and others may be lactose intolerant or on a diet so making food choices because of medical reasons does not stand out so much.

--Judy

I don't have kids who have food allergies, but I do have step kids, and it's a challenge just to get them to eat healthy. My husband used to feed the kids ramen all the time for dinner because he was a single Dad and he felt overwhelmed by cooking. When I came on the scene, the boys were 8 and 10, and I said this has got to stop. The boys still talk about the "good old days" when they had ramen for dinner every night, but they also get the message about eating healthy too.

As for the alcohol analogy, I had a similar experience to Al in that my parents let us sip their wine and beer growing up. I think it's an Italian thing. We do the same thing with our sons. We let them drink a little beer or wine if we are having it with dinner to model for them how to drink responsibly. Of course that didn't stop me from partying like a wild banchee in high school, but I felt more mature than the kids who showed up in college and never drank.

The gluten thing is different if it's causing them problems. We try to model eating healthy in our house, and we hope someday, the boys will cook and eat vegetables for themselves. But there are times that we have to make them eat vegetables at dinner. My mom always cooked healthy balanced meals, and we always had a salad after dinner - again, an Italian thing. So somewhere it has stuck in my mind that vegetables are good for you because of what we ate for dinner. I think as they get older, they get the message you are giving them about eating healthy. Sure there will be peer pressure, but you just hope they are making healthy choices when they aren't with you.

Claire

My 4 1/2 year old likes to follow rules, plus we've pointed out a zillion times that gluten makes her stomach hurt, so she's careful to always ask about any food offered to her, to make sure it is something she is allowed to eat. We've followed the suggestion from the Danna Korn book about kids with celiac disease, where every time she has a stomach ache we say, "Maybe you accidentally ate some gluten." Actually it mostly seems to be true -- if she has a stomach ache, it does seem to come from accidental gluten.

My 8 year old is a world-class picky eater, so he wouldn't try most foods. I'm not sure what he would do if junk food was offered, though -- he likes some types of junk food quite a lot. His behavior is affected by food, but *he* says that his behavior is the same all the time; he doesn't at all have the self-awareness yet to see that eating the wrong foods is a problem. He does get stomach aches from some foods, though, so he knows he needs to be careful of those foods. So I don't think he would eat most foods if they were offered, but I don't know for sure.

My real puzzle is my family's exchange student. The exchange student organization originally matched us with her because she has celiac disease too. She's 17, living with us for the year, attending our local high school. I'm still really looking to find my way with what support she needs. For example, I'm not sure whether to tell the swim team parents that she needs special food, and risk interfering when maybe she didn't want me to, or *not* tell the swim parents about her food needs, and risk having her go hungry at swim team events. I think this would all be easier if she'd always lived with us; part of my issue is that I'm not sure what support she's used to having from her family. She doesn't seem to mind skipping meals, and I think she'd rather not have me interfere, so lately I've been keeping quiet and letting her navigate on her own. I'm having a hard time keeping quiet when she doesn't respect her own needs enough to make sure she gets dinner, but I think it's best if I treat her as an adult and let her handle this in her own way, even though it's not the way I would have chosen to handle it.

-Valerie

Well, in THIS respect, I think it should be a broad range issue. That there are certain behaviors you expect her to follow, whether at home or away from home. Protecting her health is one of those behaviors.
However; everyone makes mistakes. It happens. And no matter what, she should be able to come to you for help, or advice, or just to unload :P You'll love her, and support her needs.

In our house, honesty is the number one rule. And we have a "If anyone ever says 'Don't tell' what's the first thing you should do as soon as you can? Tell Mommy or Daddy about it." discussion too. It applies to anything.

My dd has told me about bad choices she made, and I try to always take her seriously and nod and listen through (even when we're discussing the fact that she feels guilty for using Dale's pencil when Dale was sick, to write her name. The way she presented it I thought she'd tried to burn the school down or something.) It's the same with food. She gets sick if she eats the wrong thing...we discuss it and if she made the conscious decision to eat a blue candy due to peer pressure, she doesn't get the same sympathy she does if Grandma told her clam chowder was dairy free.

I inform the adults she will be with of her dietary restrictions, and then expect her to monitor herself. But, her sensitivities don't cause physical damage, to my knowledge. She's 8 BTW. My 4 y/o is allergic to nuts...adults get the "Nuts are potentially fatal" talk for her. I'll probably take more of a role in protecting her, because anaphylaxis scares me!

Anyways, there are choices everywhere. Some are big, some little. Some are HUGE to kids and hardly a blip on our adult radars. Food is just one of many things we will be trusting our kids to make good choices about...and its probably one of the first ways they will learn to take charge of and protect their bodies.