Hello my name is Mike and im 20 years old. Ever since I was 13 i had a complex pychiatric history ranging from OCD to Major deppresive disorder. Thought to have have been brought on by a head injury. I have been hospitalized 7 times ever since then mostly for aggresive behavior at home and suicidal ideation. I also recived 22 ultra-brief pulse ect treatments when i was 15 at the johns hopkins meyer 4 unit.

I have been on a ton of drugs since then also like- Risperdal, seroquel, trilafon, abilify, notriptyline, lexapro, prozac, clozaril, Klonopin, and many ohters when hospitalized. Currently i am on clomipramine and risperdal which i have been on for about 2 years on an off. The problem with me is i would usually take the drugs for about a week then stop them cold turkey over and over and didnt get many good trials in, Mostly due to side effects. Stopping the drugs made me really sick sometimes.

The concern i have is that these drugs and ECts damaged my brain development and my mind. I already have cognitive problems and am going down the neurological route to address them. Theect i feel has given me persistent lightheadedness and slower thinking. Also the feeling like i cant consciously "hear my thoughts" It also exacerbated my head pain and my POTS. I have recently gotten neuropych testing with average to above average results. Althought i feel my Iq used to be much higher pre morbid.
Any thoughts about what this stuff did to my brain and how i can help my self? If you need more information or are curious about my story just ask